AS Female/NT Male relationships

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These seem to be a far greater rarity than NT Female/AS Male relationships I've noticed.

Yes all of my past relationships have been with NT males but those relationships failed because they had more problems than just being NT.

So to AS Females: if you have been in a relationship with a male NT before, please share with us your experiences. I admit my curiosity is also in part to a story I am thinking of writing using this kind of pair.

I dont think they are a far greater rarity then AS male/NT female. If you count sheer numbers, there are much less AS females then I guess so?

Everybodies different. For me, its worked better for me with an NT male then an AS male. I've dated a few AS males and I didnt care for it. Not that I would completely turn it down in the future if things dont work out now.

I currently have an NT bf whos amazingly considerate of things. With NT males, its useful if they are aware of the aspergers before u get into a full fledged relationship. We have good conversations about current issues, we play games, do activities together, and both introverted.

My BF is semi-NT. We both think he has ADD, and I have noticed some AS traits. His executive function is worse than mine. That said, he has a much better grasp of social things and I hope he is NT enough for your question.

I'm not sure what experiences you want though. I have to explain a lot of things to him. My sensory issues, how I think, etc. He has some trouble w/ some of it, but he tries.

You'll have to give me a better idea of what you want to know.

men are 5.5 times more likely to be on the spectrum than women.

or some mangled version of that 'fact'


edited because the conclusion may not be obvious:

less relationships of ASf+NTm
probably better balanced relationships (in my opinion, I should say)
buncha other stuff that's probably obvious to everyone, especially that even NT+NT is fraught with etceteras so you'll prolly just haveta wing it like everyone else on the planet. at least until you've had a few hundred deep relationships and/or get to be around 22 thousand years old.

more or less..

Hi, I'm currently in my third (although the second guy had other mental issues). Guy 1 & 3 are probably the best examples.

I find my experience of the AS female/NT male has been 99% positive; the people I have dated have tended to be intellectual and highly intuitively emphatic in a way that I am not, and this has been good for me as their intuition can make up for my deficits in a relationship context. I have lots of general knowledge and am good at complex conversation, which they find interesting and engaging (I believe this is what attracts them to me). Generally things balance out quite well. They definitely have to be open and accepting of my diagnoses for the relationships to work, in both cases they knew of my diagnoses before we started dating. Guy 3 especially has been extremely considerate of my needs in this area (as since I dated guy 1 I have additionally developed more severe mood symptoms and been diagnosed with Bipolar, and although I am medicated with several drugs I still experience sudden rapid mood swings from time to time plus the occasional relapse - so he has to contend with that as well as AS).

My current boyfriend is NT, although we suspect he may be on the spectrum. All of my previous boyfriends (and there are a lot of them, because I usually get bored QUICK) have been NTs and the pattern is likely to continue, should the current relationship fail. I've been out on dates with AS guys and I just did not like it. Maybe it's because I've never hung out with other Aspies, combined with the fact that I've worked really hard to overcome a lot of the more socially detrimental aspects of having AS, but whatever the reason, I hated it. I was so bored, so irritated by their whining and their constant vocalizing of their discontent that I would often cut the dates short. NT guys, on the other hand, generally fit in better with my system and ways of doing things, because most of the time, they just don't care. They're more flexible, better at letting my sometimes sudden mood swings not bother them, they're easier to read, and more fun to have around.

In the case of my current NT/perhaps slightly Aspie boyfriend, we work because we are both introverted gaming nerds with a love of sports and anime and have complementary personalities.

I'm in a relationship with an NT guy currently and it's gone pretty well for many months, but we are having some openness/communication issues (I actually made a thread about this here).

He's an introvert with a lot of similar interests as me (science fiction, filmmaking). We care a lot about each other which is why I think it's been successful despite some difficulties.

My betrothed and I (we're not officially engaged yet but we're as good as and one of my friends suggested "betrothed" as an appropriate term and I rather like it) have been together nearly 3 years and the plan is marriage and start a family in the next few years (currently I'm 28 and he's 32). My only previous relationship lasted 9 1/2 weeks, 5 years ago; my ex and I are still on really good terms and he and my betrothed get on really well so he'll probably be invited to the wedding!

G (my fellow) and I have a really good relationship. We met at a Tolkien festival in the middle of Wales and I did tell him straight off that I was Aspie (didn't have a formal diagnosis at that point but I knew I was and several other people had insisted I was) so he knew right from the off - I want people to know right from the start that I'm on the spectrum to prevent any problems caused by them misinterpreting stuff I've said or done. Apparently all through the festival he hinted that he was interested - but I don't do hints! A few weeks later we were at a larp (live-action roleplay) event and this time the hints were so obvious that even I picked them up! (And realised that I was interested in him, too.) So I told him straight out that I liked him - and we got together!

He's absolutely fantastic. Sometimes I don't get metaphors and he's great at explaining them, he gets me out of situations that could lead to meltdowns, he learned really quickly how to deal with me when that happens... He still finds my bluntness a little odd sometimes and it can still take him aback a little.

We do sometimes have miscommunications but we're both pretty good at working it out. I can still be (accidentally) inconsiderate sometimes and it does irritate him but as long as he tells me I'm doing it, I can change it. Communication and being on the same page is absolutely essential for a successful relationship.

So yes, ASf/NTm relationships CAN and DO work.