Barely Functioning Right Now

Post Reply New Topic

Past week has been a whirlwind of emotions. I've not been diagnosed. Never thought that I had AS.

My boss is coaching me in social skills related to my job, because he feels a need to help me save my job. He very honestly told me about everyone's frustrations and perception of me. I said that he had just listed every trait of AS. He asked me if I had ever been diagnosed. I said that I can't believe that everyone thinks of me as a tamed-down version of Sheldon Cooper. He said that I didn't get it. He said that it is the other way around, Sheldon is the tamed down version of me, with the exception being that he is funny.

I started asking friends both past and present and they all knew but just accepted me as me. I asked my "ex", who also knew. I AM THE ONLY ONE THAT DIDN'T HAVE A CLUE. It is not a very flattering image, and I can barely bring myself to open my mouth in front of people.

When you found out you were AS, how did you convince yourself to leave the house, or talk, or exist? I want to cry at the thought of it.

Ooooh harsh! Sounds like he is willing to work with you though.


You're still the same person. Now you have insight which makes things easier.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Not only are you the same person, but you actually have a boss and friends.

Now that you know you have Aspergers, you have an excellent opportunity to improve those relationships--not by imitating a normal person, but smoothing off some of those rough edges--perhaps by learning what others find offensive and not saying them... Just because it is the truth doesn't mean it is appropriate to bring it up.

Welcome!

I've had similar feedback from my employers. I've been threatened with firing in the past and am currently in a situation where I am not trusted by my supervisor and two levels higher. Because I'm a single mom I have to work, and I'm a professional to boot. Maybe I don't act like one though. The issues are mainly that I have poor social skills, that I take instructions too literally, and that I am too rigid in my definitions of things, like roles and responsibilities.

I'll be going for a diagnosis soon, so I can figure out whether I behave strangely because of trauma from bullying and DV, or whether my possible AS provoked the mistreatment.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Many years ago I suffered from gender dysphoria. Searched for years for an organic reason for the problem and proof that I was actually transsexual. Found neither. But once I got over my prejudice over myself and others like me I was able to fix the problem. Now had there been a test that would positively diagnose me what would happen next? It would have either been able to validate that I was one or that I was not. So, great if the test proves what you already know of yourself. But what if it doesn't? Now what are you, a faker? My discomfort with my own body was real. My feelings were real. I don't know what I would have done if some test suggested that I was a wanna-be. What if fixing the problem were tied to passing the test. That part of me would still be screwed up.

There is no cure for autism, or even the Asperger's end of the spectrum. What does a diagnoses do except spend away a portion of my child's college tuition? After I addressed the gender dysphoria, I became much more verbal. That was fifteen years ago. Little did I know that that once the words started to flow I would be perceived as arrogant, persistent, bull-headed and long-winded. Little did I know that I would still be thrust into a panic attack in anticipation of speaking to groups of people, or that if I would not be able to speak unless spoken to first, and even with great difficulty. I thought by now I would be able to make friends or attract a mate. That stuff didn't happen from fixing the gender issues.

I really don't need a diagnosis, because I already have an opportunity to work on my social skills, communication skills, anxiety and depression. I need to learn to deal with those things that turn me into a basket case, like loud noises, mean voices, bright lights, anything that flashes, and anything that moves or makes a sound arhythmically. What are the choices for explaining this? It's all made up? I'm f****d up? I'm schizophrenic? I have borderline personality disorder? My number one priority is figuring out how to communicate verbally without pissing people off. Number two is organizing my brain to actually get work done. These two will help me to keep my job, with many collateral benefits. Next I would like to not feel so alone followed by not felling like I need to hurt myself. These are all real problems that I don't need any kind of diagnosis for. In fact, a diagnosis my actually get in the way.

Do what you need to do. For me knowing that I have accurately pinpointed the name of a condition is not necessary. I am f****d up, everyone knows I am f****d up, and there is plenty to work on without knowing that I 100% proof-positively belong on this website. I am pretty confident based on what I have read that the tools used by aspies to address these issues will also work with me whether I am one or not.

Like I said, long-winded.