how do i initiate a friendship? with another aspie??

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Something really cool happened in my life recentlly. I met another aspie who apart from sharing AS-related struggles, we share interests and have simular opinions on things and outlooks as well. I see the person at work a couple days a week. He mentioned having AS in a meeting because of some incidents he wanted to clear up. No one seemed to think anything of it and life went on. I see so much of myself in this person and really look up to him. My parents were very abusive to me and i need some good role models in life. I could really use a friend like him at this time in my life. He is basically old enough to be my parent, so just being around him is uplifting, its like finally something positive in my life.
So since we both have issues with eye contact,and one on one conversations. And being different ages and genders, i don't want anyone starting any nasty rumors. I've never used age or gender as a reason for or not for friendship but it seems most NTs do.

There's nothing romantic. He's got someone in his life and so do i. I just need some true friends and found someone I actually would enjoy being friends with.

So with the social challenges at hand, how do I become "friends" with him? And do more than just wave or laugh or say "hi" ???
Looking back I can see that of all the friendships I've had only maybe two i initiated myself.
Anyone know how this is done "normally?"
(Thanks to anyone who reads this whole thing, btw.)

Good question - I wish I knew how to do this. Does he already know you have AS, too? You said you share interests, so could you talk to him about those somehow? You'd need to find a way to bring it up, of course - that's the hard part for me.

I suppose if I ran into another aspie somewhere I'd begin a conversation slowly. We're all on the spectrum at different levels. Some are receptive to strangers and some aren't. I guess it's one of those things you kind of have to "feel" out and hope it works.

Does your work place have a kitchen for making coffee, tea or getting water? How about timing your lunch or coffee break to synchronise with his? I think people usually talk about something loud enough for everyone to hear the conversation and leave it open ended so that other people could join in the conversation. That is as much as I could offer.

It's simple. He may feel a connection with you since you have AS. Find a reason to talk to him and tell him you have it too. Take it slowly though and you'll see if a connection can be made. Introduce yourself to him at a time when you both can talk at work, which is a common social rule to do to another new co-worker. I hope you two can find a connection. I am still looking for a aspie in my city but it seems I am the only one lool

I have a somewhat similar work situation. I suspect a co-worker is an aspie, though neither of us has mentioned it. Other than brief hallway banalities we have not done much else.

I am choosing to respect the possibility that he may be as avoidant as I am, or even more so. I know that when I am on the receiving end of someone's interest, few things turn me off and push me away faster than for them to be overly assertive about wanting my attention.

How do I "become" friends with someone? I don't - at least not to the extent that it is something I can make to happen. Friendship is a two-way social transaction. I can make myself available and receptive to the other person's interest, should it come my way. But in my experience that is the best I can do without becoming the office's creepy, needy person.

Invite him to "hang out" in a small group setting. If you both have significant others why not make it a double date-esque thing? I was in a similiar situation a few years ago. The other Aspie very quickly became my best friend and his wife (with ADHD) eventually became my other best friend.

Why don't you write him an Email und explain exactly what you just told us? I learnt to tell people exactly what I want or mean, when I don't want to be misunderstood. And him beeing an Aspie too doubles the risk of getting your wires crossed otherwise. Well it's how I would do it and how I would prefer to be approached, if somebody came up to me telling it personally I would not know what to say. If something suprising comes up on a personal level I'm always a bit frozen.

Does he know you are an Aspie too?

If I were you, I would send him an email mentioning what you two had in common and just say basically what you said here- that you find him inspiring. If someone told me something like that, I would be flattered. I'd probably include something acknowledging his significant other or yours just so it wouldn't look as if you were hitting on him.

Good luck!

It looks like there isn't much for me to tell you that others haven't already said: just ask him some innocently curious questions about himself and what he likes to do in his free time; any common interests can be used as catalysts for hanging out together outside of work hours.

I'm so glad you made a friend!

Thanks everyone for such great advice. Things have been going really well. I've taken the advice I've been given. Basically i just put myself out there and overcame fear of rejection. i took a healthy outlook on it: yes, this person is someone i want to get to know as a friend, but i accept that we might not end up having that kind of connection. and that's okay too. Well, all i had to do was just be pleasant and let things transpire slowly. turns out we seems to be right on the same area of the spectrum. its cool because i instinctively know when things are too chaotic for him and when its a good time to hang out or when to givehim space. this is cool because I've never instinctively understood nts like this. so its been a real natural, slow paced kind of friendship. I'm just letting things flow naturally. cool how we just kinda hit it off... and we both need our space, seems like its going to be a lasting friendship. I've been overstimulated by everything lately, and that's why its taken a while to post again. its really nice to know i have someone i know i can go to if I'm going through something that nt's just can't understand. There were a few really good ideas ppl posted i hadn't even thought of and that really helped.

Just wanted to add... sigs have been in the picture too and all 4 of us get along. all very nice people.

It's great to hear this went well! Thanks for posting a follow-up.