Low-level romantic interest
On my vacations in the last 2 years, I've had somewhat interesting things happen to me. A sizable number of women I met on the ship (and while I rant into them in ports) have been showing what I'd call "low-level romantic interest". It'd be things like giving me full-body hugs after knowing me for just 15 minutes, getting cuddly with me while talking to me, rubbing their hair against me, grabbing my hand to get my attention, spanking me when I stepped on their foot while dancing with them, fulling pressing into me during a dance when the dance doesn't require it, touching me on the chest (I'm male), etc. At the same time, they'd politely or humorously stop me if I tried to take things to the next level, like kissing. So clearly, they're not that interested in me. And clearly, with my no-better-than-average looks and subpar social skills, I have zero ability to be a player or a pick-up artist, so why would so many women be doing that? Is it just something they do on cruises, with all men they feel comfortable with, and not only the ones they want to get naked with? With the wisdom and experience I got over the years, I learned to just enjoy the closeness, respect the boundaries, and not overthink it too much.
But the question still remains. What gives? What's their deal? (to the best of your guesses) If you can suggest any ideas, that'd be great. Because the norm for me is rejection, not attention like this. And interestingly, it doesn't happen much outside of cruises.
OliveOilMom
Veteran
Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
That's just friendly flirting. It's not meant to be romantic, just flirting for fun. Just flirt back the same way, and don't try to kiss them or anything unless they say or do something overt.
_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
you're responding and escalating too quickly AND females act coy as part of the courting ritual, meaning that some of the time they are pretending to not want your advances.
don't get mad at me ladies! this is normal for most mammals. unless ur mad that I spilled-the-beans on you. =P
get a good book on body language and look for clusters
I liked this one:
The Definitive Book of Body Language
Allan & Barbara Pease
Hardcover: 400 pages
Publisher: Bantam; 1 edition (July 25, 2006)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0553804723
ISBN-13: 978-0553804720
_________________
(14.01.b) cogito ergo sum confusus
Well, it's not like I start feeling them up all over the minute they get touchy-feely with me. It's usually a few hours into the interaction with the same pattern of behavior, at least. If it's a short interaction, I respond in kind and no further. OliveOilMom might be onto something; it's a cruise, and flirting with anyone who interests you even slightly is a natural reaction to a happy, carefree, hyper-social environment. The trick is that it's expected for the other person to understand that it's just a form of play, and true sexual interest is only a possibility and not a guarantee. What I did find helpful is acting more forceful in my interactions. For example, when a Latin song comes on and I see a girl standing alone, I just grab her by the hand, pull her onto the dance floor, and lead her through the dance. I've never gotten a truly negative reaction when I tried it.
However, what's really interesting is that it's extremely rare for me to get the same "low-level romantic interest" outside of cruise ships. And it has to be cruise ships, and never other types of vacations. It doesn't happen to me in stores when I run errands. It doesn't happen when I go to nightclubs. It doesn't happen when I go to the gym. It doesn't happen on resorts, even! And they're supposed to be a happy, carefree environment. But on cruise ships, it happens multiple times a day. Anyone care to explain why?
OliveOilMom
Veteran
Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
Probably that whole "Love Boat" thing.
Maybe it only happened on the one you went on, I don't know if it happens on them all. My daughter went on one and didn't say anything about people flirting with her, but then she was with her fiancé. Also if there was a high proportion of single people there, that might be part of it too.
_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
I went on two so far, by myself both times. One last year (the one I was getting worked up about), and one this year (just garden-variety anticipation). And on each one, same things: disproportionately close hugs, use of physical affection as a "thank you" gesture, standing close, lightly rubbing my hand during normal partner dancing, etc. Thanks to my life experience, I learned to just appreciate the physical closeness without trying to make anything of it. But I do find it interesting and even strange to be getting this attention on cruises, when everywhere else, even on resort vacations, my chances were always slim to none.
Needless to say, I'll be cruising again in the future. Unless, of course, I lucked out with ships or itineraries, and other may not be so "nice".
I observed the how my life went for about month or so after the cruise, and so far, no "low-level romantic interest" (i.e. getting physical affection in normally non-affectionate situations). This phenomenon for me seems to be unique to cruise ships. Everywhere else, the same situations are usually handled via a conversation and/or a smile. Still trying to understand why.
zarok
Deinonychus
Joined: 4 Sep 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 327
Location: Greenville South Carolina
Two things i think of are
1.) they think you are gay or in the closet.
2.) They do like you but want to dance around it for 12-48 hours before something. keep ignoring or not giving to much attention untill something very romantic appears after 24 hours. like they invite you to there place or something. also playful jokes that are sexual. where you know its a joke but you kinda wonder. keep blowing those off and then when your alone and in that situation wait for one and then treat it as if its not a joke. girls will say it is a joke to avoid embarrassment when you arnt interested.
Its all about timing and us aspies are bad at timing
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