I have a parasite.

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There is one woman in my life. I met her at a mental health support group about eight years ago. For a while, I was inviting people from that group over to my house to watch movies a couple of times a month. She would always invite herself, just so she could complain about the movies I wanted to show and to guilt everybody else there into not watching the R-rated action movies that they wanted to watch.

It's gotten worse since then. I've since left that support group. She's clinging on to me. A few years ago, she moved into my apartment complex just because I lived there. She calls me about 20 times a week, and most of the time it is to beg for cash or food. She has a pension where she has about twice as much money as I do, but she spends all of her money on books she does not read, yarn she does not knit with, and Diet Coke.

My family does not think it is the slightest bit creepy that a woman in her 50's would always beg a 34yo gay man like me for cash and food. They welcome her into the family, and they tell me that I am being selfish when I say that I want to cut her out of my life.

About a year ago, she has taken to peeking in my windows to see if I am home, and then calling me repeatedly until I answer the phone because she knows I am there. My mother is telling me I am an a**hole for not picking up the phone the first time. She is not getting the point that I have a creepy stalker on my hands.

How about the time last year when the police took me to a psych ward? She saw the cops picking me up, and she responds by calling my grandmother and telling her that I have been arrested, wanting the dirt on the criminal activity that I was not up to doing. My grandmother claims she only did that because she "cares about me". Well, for many years, I was an easy target, and she took full advantage of me. She always knew she could get cash or food from me, even when I was not making ends meet very well for myself. Now, I am telling her, "No," and she is pulling out all the stops. "You hate me now. I am so disappointed in you, but I am not going to cry." Yeah, she loves to play the victim, and it seems like I am the only person in my family who is NOT falling for it.

I don't know what to do. If I call the cops on this woman and try to get a restraining order, my family will rush to her side and use my autism against me to support her. They already told me they would do that if I took that route.

Hm... is there no way you can be more firm with keeping her out without involving the police? Do things like disconnecting your phone if she calls you repeatedly, or change your number, and refuse her any cash or food at all? How would she react? If you go against your family's wishes on the matter, how bad would be the consequences? If you told your family "if you care so much about her why don't YOU give her what she wants" what would they answer?

OMG I saw the title of this thread and immediately thought--Wow! Someone has a tapeworm or something like that! How COOL!

Then I began reading and I am loathe to admit I was a tad bit disappointed. Because the type of parasite you have is simply totally NOT cool. LOL Sorry Your parasite gives real parasites a bad name.

Sigh, well, back to our regularly scheduled programming...

Ignoer your family - if thy choose soem crazy woman ovre theyr blood, they dont desrve to be called family. Refuse to tlk to her, pretend sh dosnt evne exist, change yuor number, etc. - move if you can. She'll leavve you aloen eventualy, and if it is realy bad harrasment, yuo could prhaps spend a litle extra money to film waht she does soemhow, and whatever your familly says abuot autism or some crap in a poliec case, you will haev a video to show she dosnt leve you aloen.

Visit a lawyer for advice. ASAP.

She is definitely stalking you and taking advantage of you from what you say. Your safety needs to come first and F* your family if they don't like it. You're an adult you don't need their approval to get a restraining order against her.

Sounds like your family are idiots, I would recommend that you separate from them if you can. I'm sure you may be able to get a restraining order anyway. Try to get evidence of her frequent calls, peeking her head in the window, etc.

I agree, you need to get evidence, preferredly in video form, of her doing this to you. When you cut her off from your life (not if), she might very well try to seek out revenge against you. She might make up something about you being a sexual predator, or that she has found you viewing child porn - you are into anime and manga, aren't you? We know about the prejudice there is around, against those who like manga and anime, and how "they are perverts that are into little girls or boys", simply because the drawings are drawn in an unusual way, in the eyes of those who do not understand Japanese culture, or otherwise narrow-minded people. She could of course also just hit herself and claim that you said you want to kill her, as you "hit her". She seems very creepy, and I advise you to take utmost precaution. Contacting a lawyer, if you can afford it, probably is a good idea, too.

As for your family.... they sound like absolute idiots and I would recommend you to permanently cut off all contact with them. A friend of mine had parents who acted the way yours seem to do.... he permanently cut off all contact with them. Suddenly he becomes politically active in a country where that is dangerous, starts to go to university and overall just becomes happier... or much less unhappy, at the very least. Maybe cutting off contact with them will affect you in a similar way?

Keep a diary of all incidents. Date, time and what happened (without emotion). Record phone conversations, keep emails etc. EVIDENCE!

Evidence is the most important thing to begin with. Try to remain firm and don't capitulate to her, but try not to provoke her either, as people like that can sometimes turn aggressive very suddenly. Do you have a neighbour who can also help you keep track of her 'visiting' you? Having a secondary, uninvolved person support your statements would be very advantageous.

I'm surprised that your family are reacting so strangely to your situation. Shatbat's idea of asking your family to 'provide' for her instead of making you do it is a possibility. Perhaps they are unaware of the seriousness of your situation - many people like to believe the best in others and try to make excuses for negative behaviours in others (as I appear to be doing right now). If this is not the case, avoid them as they are clearly not providing you with any benefits.

I hope that your situation improves!

Well, I have a handful of incidents from last night that are now documented.

After I went to bed early (at 6:30pm, since I stayed up super-late Saturday night), I got seven calls when my ringer was turned off. Six of them were from her, within the course of two hours. Then I get waken up at 8:30pm because she is banging on my window, but I stay in bed until she stops about ten minutes later. This morning, I find out that she went through all of those dramatics just because she wanted me to give her dishwasher detergent.

This is beyond creepy at this point. I am documenting all of this now. This morning, I gave her the talk that I gave her a few times before (call once, leave a message, I'll get back within 24 hours, pounding on my window is not going to help you). I don't think she gets it. I know she is a diagnosed bipolar woman, and I think she is using her diagnosis as an excuse to act this way.

In this situation, I would just do everything in my power to annoy her instead, I'd try to come on to her and follow her around everywhere, let's see how long it takes for her to leave you.

Yeah, because we all know how well the whole "Eye for an Eye" philosophy works when applied in all real-world scenarios.

Y'know, I don't think I'll find any pride or self-esteem if I took that route.

[quote="mikassyna"]OMG I saw the title of this thread and immediately thought--Wow! Someone has a tapeworm or something like that! How COOL!

Then I began reading and I am loathe to admit I was a tad bit disappointed. /quote]

I had the same reaction--maybe because one of the things I do to keep my morning commute interesting is http://www.microbeworld.org/podcasts/th ... parasitism

As for the OP's parasite, I meet that kind of thing with total cutoff. No response of any kind to any communication. Change the phone number, put opaque screens in the window, do not respond to any avenue of communication be it direct, through a go between or through your family. She will latch on to someone else and go away. But your communication with her has to be zero.

Maybe I am a heartless bastard, but it works. I was pushed to this twice and it worked both times.

Good luck!

I know the feeling. I had a parasite all through high school. We went to elementary school together and than she started high school one year after I did. She was latched onto me every day at lunchtime and she wouldn't usually leave my side. The thing that made it even worse was that she kept asking me questions that had obvious answers. She also asked me to get things for her, because she was "Too scared to".

She's only using you for money. Don't even tell her you want her out of your life. Put her out of your life. Close your blinds so she can't see you through the window. Don't talk to her or even look at her. This will show that you aren't interested. Lastly, don't give her money or else the parasite will get bigger.