*Please be kind* BF and his unibrow

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(For context, my boyfriend and I both have Aspergers.) So my boyfriend's aunt is getting married soon and he has a unibrow. I offered to pluck it for him so he can look nice at the wedding, but he thinks I hate how he looks as a result (I think my wording was off so I came off as insensitive and shallow). I don't hate how he looks and I love him one brow or two, I just think if he plucked it it would help him look his best. He compared how I worded my reassurance that I love how he looks to his saying he loves me the way I look now, but I would look so much better if I lost weight. That is so not how I meant it.

I also feel stupid and confused because I always thought eyebrow plucking was basic hygiene on par with brushing your teeth and he thinks it's more like putting on makeup where it's not a necessity but a choice. How do I let him know that I love how he looks and he isn't ugly, I just want him to look his best and like what he sees in pictures and stuff?

It is a basic hygiene thing, particularly if he wants to look nice for a special occasion. Tell him to stop being a douchepickle. Does he have a mom or someone who can help nag him about it?

For men? O_o Whats next: wearing pink ballett dresses. XD And how is it linked with hygiene? Hygiene means reducing of bacterias...so please tell me why bacterias should avoid you, because of you removing hairs.

There is hygiene and there is fashion. Hygiene is something that brings results that can be scientific measured. If removing your eyebrowhairs doesnt lower the amount of the bacterias on your face, then its not hygiene, its fashion, god damn it. (And from my personal oppinion, male fashion queens are not really attracting my sex drive. XD )

I mean god damn it, there is nothing bad about being a metro guy, as long as the guy decides to do so on his own. If you want to dress up other people, get yourself a fashion doll. ^^

Grooming eyebrows is more comparable to getting a haircut or shaving off facial-hair than it is to hygiene. Any of those will tend to give a younger guy an "old-geezer" look when they're neglected for extensive periods.

I find unibrows fugly. Any man that cares about his looks and level of attractiveness would pluck them a bit.

Maybe it's not really a hygiene issue but it sounds like he's being unnecesarrily stubborn about it.

Yes, man doing barbiestuff, are the most attractive ones. XD

@the threadstarter: Maybe you could do an agreement with him. So he could let his eyebrows get plucked for you, and instead you wear a false mustache at the wedding.

Is it really that common for man in the US to pluck their eyebrows? I am sorry, but I am really astouned, even for woman its not that common around here, so asking a man to pluck his eyebrows is for me as weird as if you would ask him to wear a pink handbag at the wedding? I simply cant believe that people and specially men agree to do that at your place?

Please grow up. She is talking about her partner, not about a child. You have the right to tell your partner about your oppinions, but you dont have the right to nag him to get him to do as you want. Its ok to tell each other about things you like, to give your partner the possibility to decide on his own, if he wants to agree about something or not. But you dont have the right to "nag" your partner. Its a human, not a dog or a doll.

We worked it out. I apologized to him and explained how I felt about grooming and how it may be different from his ideas and that it was okay. He was happy I apologized. He might pluck it, he might not but whether or not he does I won't let it bother me anymore. It's his face, he can do as he wants with it.

I was just insecure because I was afraid of him looking bad and I saw it as a reflection on me somehow, as when you are in a relationship for a long time you think of yourself as more of a unit than an individual and that is normal. I was insecure that it would be a poor reflection on me, like people might think "Man, how can she let him look like that?" But ultimately, his appearance is not my responsibility and I love him no matter what.

*EDIT* The issue for him was more along the lines of he thought I was calling him ugly, so he was more reluctant to pluck. Maybe he'll feel better about it now, but overall whether he does or doesn't it's fine.

Thank you all for your help! <3

Oh, cry me a river........ It's his Aunts wedding. People are expected to look nice and groomed at these types of occasions. This "Barbie stuff" as you put it is not unreasonable. Hell as a woman, she would be generally expected to shave her pits, make her hair nice and all those other hygiene things that aren't really hygiene issues but he shouldn't be expected to trim his unibrow? You may not agree with it (hell I don't really either) but I know when to pick my battles and her boyfriend should learn too.........

Just use a razor, much easier. I have a mild unibrow and I just run it with a razor every month or so. Easy and painless.

Oddly enough for me, besides my mild unibrow, I actually have perfect eyelashes that look like I pluck them despite never doing anything at all to them.

this was my thoughts when I read "hygiene"
never push someone to look a way they deem unneeded. if you want to make him feel better have a discussion on your views on the words hygiene and fashion. once that is cleared up you both could easily see you both are attracted to each other.

good to hear!

I didnt know, that normal people, that look normal are no longer able to look nice without plucking around on themselves. And around some years ago, there was such a thing called feminism, that allowed us to decide on our own about what we want to do, so we get no longer leashed, when not meeting someone elses expectations. And its bad enough that there is social pressure on woman to do such stuff, but we wont get our physical freedom back to be as we want to be, by forcing and nagging men to agree in social fashion slavery out of jealousy, that at least they have saved themselves a bit of freedom from that fashion tyranny.

"To pick your battles"? You are talking about a partnership. You dont battle in partnerships. Or at least you shouldnt do so. With all the people in the world, your partner is the one that you should stand side by side to fight your shared battles against others. Not against each other.

Did you ever have the idea simply not to agree in an relationships, if a man doesnt fit to you in your oppinion, instead of lying to him that you want to be his partner and then start to battle your own partner, and nag him until he either runs away or becomes your puppet? My partner is my partner: I dont nag him. And I dont let him nag me. And the last thing on earth is to pick up on purpose a battle against a person, that I have agreed to, to stand on his side to aid him in his battles, as he does for me and instead betray our partnership because of such a ridiculously thing as eyebrows. If I ever battle my partner because of eyebrows, please shoot me.

If it was for me, my partner wouldnt have a beard, but it isnt for me, its for him and he likes the beard. So its his face, his beard, and his life, so why should I blabber about unrelated stuff like social expectations and choosing battles and so on. If the social expectations prefers beardless, then it shall shave itself. ^^

I am really sorry, if this is about different cultures, but even with 33 years and a fashion addicted mother in law, I never had to pluck my eyebrows until now. Dont know, teenies have those and film stars, but normal people and specially male ones....so a man that plucks his eyebrows would really be weird around here.

Last edited by Schneekugel on 22 May 2013, 11:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

That is good. Personally I do not like seeing unibrows due my OCD tendencies. However, there is really nothing wrong with an unibrow and he should not feel pressured to remove it. That is his choice.

He doesn't need to pluck it, just shave it.

Correct! Eyebrows can be trimmed with a simple $20 nose and ear hair trimmer. The tip looks like a sideburns trimmer on most electric shavers, but much narrower, less than 10 mm. Have him run it upwards, from the bridge of his nose to the top of his forehead. Be careful not to move too far to the left or right. This'll prevent the unibrow look; after all, the word "eyebrows" is plural for a reason. Still, plucking eye brows looks and feels too metrosexual (read: gay) for many men; that's why your boyfriend doesn't want to do it. And it's pretty painful to boot. Men's magazines avoid the metrosexual connotation by referring to it as "shaping" or "trimming". Shaving off excessive eyebrow hairs, on the other hand, is very similar to face shaving, a perfectly straight activity in nearly all men's eyes.