I've tried to imitate NT's facial expressions, voice, eye contact, emotions, and conversations in quiet situations while all the time trying metally hard to guess from the NT's face whether my actions were necessary and a NT norm.
When I try to act in a way that an NT might I always fail and end up looking more alian to them than if I acted as a aspie.
The worst part of acting as a NT is that it gives the authentic NT a false picture of your character and if it is a bad/odd character like mine was, then you become labelled as that character permanantley even if you have decided to return as an aspie.
In most situations I was convinced I had cracked the NT code and that people would like me, but unfortunatley while I was convinced I was being likened I didn't realise that other people were actually hating me and taking the p#ss out of me.
When I was aware I tried even more to be fake and NT like, but this only made things worse and I couldn't think of another NT's expression that might alter things ie smiling more or talking more about the weather in a harsher voice.
I was mentally tired and I can rembember becoming angry and defensive because I was concerned that people had labelled me in a character that I couldn't relate to and this gave me a big sense of insecurity and confusion of what my actions might have made my NT character into. Being unaware of how I would have acted out in the eyes of a NT was very traumatising.
I can recall becoming very insecure and lashing out of people who I presumed were being nasty towards me even though they weren't and apollogising to people who were being horrible.
I've returned as that odd miserable non engaging geek that is familar to my family, and with my original character gives me a sense of security since I no longer have to worry whether my false expression or response might have sounded or acted out bad towards an NT, acted in my normal self no longer needs that adjustment to become more accpetable to an NT, since I now know what I am doing I no longer need to question my own personality and aspie traits.