Avoiding Arguments?

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I came up with a list of ten ways to "Be Diplomatic and Avoid Arguments" the other day, things I've noticed seem to help. I'd like y'all's thoughts/opinions?

1. Apologize.

Even if you don't think it's your fault, even if they are completely in the wrong. Suck up your pride and say you're sorry. Now, you don't have to be a butt kisser about it, but just say "I apologize" in a polite, genuine tone of voice.

2. Blame Yourself.

Say that there's a misunderstanding- you said something and they think you mean something else and an argument is brewing. Apologize (Way #1) and Blame Yourself. Something like "I'm sorry, I must have misspoke. I meant that (and explain yourself politely)."

3. Smile.

Not a condescending smile, not a forced smile, but one that seems genuine. If it looks fake, it's better not to do it at all. But a nice, genuine smile will ease tension.

4. Don't Raise Your Voice.

A loud tone is provoking. Try to keep a calm tone of voice, but without sounding patronizing.

5. Listen and offer Understanding.

Don't automatically assume you're correct. Listen to what they have to say, and say something along the lines of "I understand" and refer to Ways #1-3.

6. If you find someone obnoxious, don't show it.

Be nice to everyone, as long as you can do so without seeming fake.

7. If someone is mean to you, kill them with kindness.

Smile at them every time you see them, offer compliments- genuine ones, find something you actually like about them to compliment- and definitely never talk behind their back.

8. If things are getting bad and you can't divert the argument, Walk Away.

If things are getting bad and you can't calm them down, walk away.

9. If you've had an argument or a fight or someone thinks you did something wrong, refer to Way #1.

Even when you did nothing wrong, even if the other person was in the wrong, if you know they won't apologize, you apologize. It's generally not worth losing a friendship because you're too stubborn or prideful to apologize.

10. Don't lie, and always keep your promises.

If someone thinks you're a liar, or if you often break promises, it causes them to see you in a bad light and the rest of these may not work as well. Therefore, it is best to keep lying to a minimum and only make promises you can keep. If you have to break a promise, then explain why and apologize, and try to make it up to them.

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So what do you guys think of them? Keep in mind I wrote them after having been awake 18 hours.

I have Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) anyway, so avoiding arguments is part and parcel of my being.

Your list is good, but it is important to recognize when to avoid arguments. If you avoid every possible argument, people are going to try to dominate you.

I am no expert on people (in fact, I am nearly socially ret*d), but I think it is safe to say that the two situations when you must avoid arguments are:

1 - when you realize you are wrong;
2 - when the interlocutor is in a position of power in relation to you.

These are the rules I generally use, and by no means do people try to dominate me- I have a fairly dominant personality. I'm not a pushover, and if there's an important argument, I'll go through with it, but when there are pointless arguments that could wind up screwing over a friendship if I continue arguing, I go with this.
I think it's part of the reason why most people like me and those that don't normally do eventually.

You are right. I should have included "avoid pointless arguments" in my list.

To the OP

I think it's important to realise that there are times when you should stand up for your rights.

If the other person is in fact trying to cheat you of money or put you in the wrong for something your not responsible for (e.g. a car accident, handing you the wrong product at the store), you really need to stand your ground.

Sometimes the truth needs to be said, no matter how ugly it might appear. It is just as loving to show people the error of their ways rather than simply submit to them

All that is too difficult for me.
I would never be able to remember all those rules.

I just act on instinct and I am not at all a conflict avoider.
In fact, I tend to get into conflicts with other people a lot.

Very good list.

I would add that a good way to avoid arguments is to avoid making definitive statements like best, worst, always, never.

There are some good tips there OP but an issue is you often need to stand your ground, simply apologising and saying you're wrong when you're not will get you exploited.

I have several:

Don't argue with stupid.

There are people who are wrong and will not admit it and no matter what you tell them, they will still think what they think so why bother arguing? Even if they have the facts sitting in front of them and they still refuse to believe it, let it go. You're wasting their time, same as if someone keeps twisting what you are saying. If you are going around in circles, let it go. These people are a waste of your time.


Someone arguing just to argue

It's obvious if this is what someone is doing when they say pointless things in the discussion and what they are saying is irrelevant so it's best to not waste your time arguing with these folks. They are just wanting to argue for the sake of it and have nothing valuable to say.

When someone says they are done with the topic and want to move on but yet come back with insults instead or come back something better to say, ignore it

They said they were done with the argument but they just are trying to win it, they automatically lose. It's immature and childish behavior they are doing and they look stupid.



These rules also help with online and it keeps you out of internet drama and you aren't stressing yourself out about it.