What's the common reason for independence issues for aspies?

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Why exactly is it independence and independent living becomes and issue for some aspies despite high intelligence? I ask, because I feel it myself.

Is it mainly due to lacking social skills?

Maybe one doesn't feel it's important enough?

Due to Executive Dysfunction?

Due to anxiety/depression?

Due to being stuck in own world?

Due to not experiencing the world enough emotionally?

Is analytic intelligence simply not the right kind of intelligence for independent living?


When observed from the outside it might look weird that you might be able to go through university and get a master degree, but struggle to live independently.

At the same time it seems like independent living is way easier for most NT people. Even NT people with substantial problems.


What's your view upon this/experiences?

Executive dysfunction, big time.

You have to remember to do all those things, all the little things... bills, cleaning, maintaining your car and your apartment; you have to deal with repairmen and landlords. You have to keep yourself clean and fed, and keep up with medical and dental care. You have to get to appointments and to work with a near-100% success rate. And there's nothing to prompt you to do all of those things. You just have to remember somehow.

Doing all of those things, remembering to do them, is complex. It can be overwhelming. It's not a straightforward task and it doesn't have numbered steps and it's hard to figure out where to start. If you fall behind at all, it gets exponentially more complex and now you have to figure out how to catch up without falling behind in everything else. And if you burn out, it's even harder, because now everything you were supposed to do has been ignored for a day or a week or a month and those extra complications may include things you have never done before, like trying to get utilities reconnected or fixing an overdraft at the bank. Even the slightest complication can cause you to fall behind, even good things. You go on a vacation? You're behind. You got too involved in a project? Behind again. You got sick and had to stay in bed for a week? That bout with the flu just completely threw everything off track. Congratulations; you're in too deep and you can't get out. Before you know it, you're getting evicted, eating random junk, dealing with medical problems you should really be going to a doctor for, out of clean clothing, dirty, depressed, and out of sorts. Forget work and school--you forgot about those ages ago, just trying to survive.

It just adds up, a snowball effect, and the worse it gets the worse we are at dealing with it. We hold onto our independence much more precariously than NTs do, if we are even capable of independence at all. That's okay; needing help is okay; but without help, people in that situation can get into deep trouble even if they seem smart and capable at first glance.

Definitely executive function or dysfunction. I have been mostly independent
a good portion of my life but there are a lot of overwhelming things to
me that sure are chores for an NT but it's easy for them, that I let pile
up. Debt for one and I can't save money at all. When I was in my 20's
I resisted any credit cards and other debt because I knew even back then
before knowing I am on the spectrum that they are not good for me.
Besides poor executive functioning skills, I struggle with impulsive behavior
in resisting temptations for lack of a better description lol. Flash forward
to now and I have huge student loan debt, I dropped out of college, I have
smallish credit card debt due to low credit limit but now no credit cards,
I have no medical insurance so I have unpaid medical bills, I flat out don't
go to the dentist, I now have to have a car when in my 20's to mid 30's
I didn't but I am terrible at maintaining it, I just basically ignore it all but
spend any extra money beyond rent and car insurance and cell phone
on my ballroom dance obsession so I am not dealing with any of that. I often
don't clean house. I pay them rent but after years of physical independence
I now at age 45 live with my parents. My mom is semi aware that I am
terrible at this stuff and now that she knows I have AS she is more understanding but
I still hide how over my head I am because in some ways she ace like I am more dysfunctional in the areas I actually am functional in and being patronized or condescended to is a huge meltdown trigger for me. Sorry for long rant. I suppose for others it's other things. I do struggle socially but I can make a great first impression at job interviews and for a few weeks or so on the job but I have been fired from jobs for "not fitting in with company culture" ie not ingratiating myself to right people, getting intense without realizing it, making unwanted suggestions for improving efficiency etc but actually most jobs are like being in high school with cliques and small talk and don't care about the work, only about playing silly social hierarchical games! I am an ABA 1:1 to kids on the spectrum and you'd think at least in the helping professions that doing good work and making a difference would be most important but nope, still politics and kissing ass. To someone with AS this is frustrating and seems pointless yet to NTs at least most of them this seems to be what they live for.

For me:

1. Not being able to handle more than one task at a time would be a big one, and add to that not being able to focus on really anything other than the interest....

2. Not being able to handle new events. You know, needing to incorporate it into your routine to do it, which takes some time -- this is just one thing. The day has millions of possible events/things that crop up when you're living the normal life -- each one a spanner into the machine here....

3. Not being able to interact that well with people, which means it takes a lot more effort than the average bear to get just the basics across.... More effort = more energy spent, which means you run out pretty quickly when you combine all the other ASD symptoms

I don't know if 1 and 2 relate to executive dysfunction or not. They're all symptoms of an ASD though.

(I've never been independent. I never will be.)

If the comorbids are not disabling, then I think that the causes may be ...

[opinion=mine]

... an over-developed sense of entitlement OR a self-deprecative attitude, which come across as either "I have ________, so you must make concessions for me!", or "I have ________, so there is no way that I could be good at anything."

[/opinion]

But I could be wrong.

for me it's that I don't have a job. If I were working I'd be independent instead of highly dependent on my husband.

Believing that you're worthless allows the comfort of having a ready excuse to avoid facing the discomfort of having to change.

My experience is the same as Callista's.

Callista, that was a good explanation. It's quite complex when one thinks it over.

So the NT brain handles these issues much better...seems like our brain is not just a little different, it's completely different.

I'll try to explain some reason why I'm not independent.

I don't work. It would be quite difficult for me to find a job considering that I don't have any education, experience, or a car or driver's license. I also am a quiet person with a lot of social anxiety and would fail badly at any job where I had to interact with customers a lot.

I have trouble leaving the house or doing nearly anything on a regular basis for any length of time. After a while (usually a short while) I either forget to do it or am so bored/frustrated/overwhelmed that I just stop doing it. I can't even manage to bathe and get dressed every day, never mind all the things you need to do every day to live independently.

I think executive function is big... but I wonder if the inability to socialize and express ourselves could be our biggest issue. I think that what makes people successful is the ability to network and communicate with people - family, friends and acquaintances. This ability to communicate opens up all kinds of opportunities and allows them to problem solve more effectively.