Aspie men and babies

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Do aspie men love babies and taking care of them? If so, why?

Hi Alla

-To qualify, I am a self-diagnosed Apsie (seeking formal eval).

I have one child. I was obsessed with getting that bond, but never did (at least what others referred to). I had my closest relationship when he was 3-8 because I taught him sports and we collected baseball cards (it got out of hand for me). He wasn't a crier, fortunately because crying makes me loony (er). He is a teenager now. We "get along", but I cannot carry much of a conversation with him. He avoids bringing friends over because I get anxious (not mad or anything, but "weird" as he puts it). I did not change diapers much. I did not take care of him independently much when he was an infant. We were able to work it out because I did not "handle" those situations well. When he was a little older, he sat in front of the TV or played games while I did my projects and checked in on him from time to time. I have tried many times to establish a "buddy" relationship, but I have a lot of difficulty engaging that way. This is a primary reason that caused me to seek help.

To your question ... love? In our own way, but it may not be the cuddling type relationship that so many men seem to have with their children.

I don't mind it too much... I mean, babies cry, they poop, the spit up and often will smell of tears poop and spitup... but again, that's what babies do.
I do have somewhat of a hard time when the baby and I don't agree on what to do next... Like, if I'm ready to get home quickly and the baby decides it's time to poop and therefore needs a diaper change... Of course, I have to stop and change the diaper, but I get irritated about doing it.

Generally speaking, though, I like babies well enough :0)

Speaking for myself no... HELL NO! They are noisy, smelly and time consuming creatures; and above all NOISY. WHAH, WHAH, WHAH. No thank you. I sometimes have to leave stores when parents take along their screaming babies and small children. The noise is like a pneumatic drill trying to penetrate my skull, it overwhelms my thoughts and takes my complete attention; like mental toothache. Just can't block the noise out.

Qualify: self-diagnosed, on the milder end of the spectrum.

Depends. I adore them. And get along well with babies. I've ended up with more childcare responsibilities than my wife while working full-time (albeit she's somewhat more Aspie than I.)...
Our friend...much further along the spectrum...is probably better with their child than his wife. Albeit, his child is also severely autistic.

--Argyle

Just like NT men, some of us do, some of us don't. I personally think babies can be great and tend to get on well with them, but they can annoy me when they cry constantly

I loved my own babies!

Other people's babies... not so much. I don't want to see them suffer, so I would take steps to soothe a baby in distress if there was no one else to do it. I hate high-pitched screams.

Changing diapers, etc. did not bother me much--it seems like a pretty mechanical task and the main thing is keeping the infant comfy. Not very difficult.

My kids did not scream a lot when they were babies and they did smile a lot--I recall spending many happy hours with them. Feeding at certain times was very difficult because of chronic sleep deprivation.

I have three children and my answer is NO. Babies are a LOT of work. They cry. They need diapers all the time. They need a bottle all the time. They just always need something. You can't really do much with a baby other than hold it. I don't get why people think babies are so great. Everyday my kids get a day older I get a little happier.

I have no children. My sisters had plenty for me to be around. I find babies very upsetting. They are loud and unpredictable and it is too hard to figure out what the h*ll they want. Plus I'm always worried I'll drop them on their heads.

Well I'm an Aspie female, so sorry to hijkack. I loved it when my girls were babies & toddlers. Well, the crying gave me so much stress (and there was incessant crying) and the constant demands were hell, the 5 times a night feeding from my first I wouldn't wish on my own worst enemy. BUT, they were so beautiful, cute, could just look at them for ages, all the perfect little fingers and the things they do that make you laugh. If I had had a nanny to do all the work I would have loved it. Just to be having the fun nice bits. Having babies as an Aspie is real hell I will admit, and I joke now saying "when am I going to see the rewarding bit?"

What I find difficult now, is that they are bigger and the oldest seeks independence and is an adolescent, and I still can't get it into my head that they are not babies any more. I guess it's that resistance to change thing.

Being an Aspie should not make a man a bad dad, but there will be parts he finds more challenging than an NT male. He might need some things spelling out to him to ensure he does them.

f**k no. Babies and sensory issues, especially noise sensitivity, don't mix. I also have a sensitivity to seeing erratic or energetic movements, which triggers my anxiety, so I can't stand kids at all.

Too stressful.

Worrying that they'll hurt themselves and it'll be your fault for not watching them....

I have no idea how people can handle having kids.

It is sad to say but i've tried and tried with my 2 yr old and I still have a hard time trying to make that "bond" and I feel like my dog means more to than my own child. It took me a while to even start holding her and changing diapers. I won't even get near other peoples babies because they always have runny noses and it grosses me out.

1. I have no kids of my own, but I have taken care of babies.
2. I have only a very mild biological drive to reproduce. That was many years ago and only with one special woman. Never since has that urge been present.
3. My mind tells me: a. That I would not be a good candidate for fatherhood.
b. That bringing another life into this hell-hole of a world and sentencing them to 80+ years in this hell we call life is an irresponsible act to be avoided at all costs.
4. Mind rules biology. 'nuf said?

Some men love babies, and some don't - regardless of whether or not the men are Aspies!

Look, kid; we're not an alien species! We're people with interests and behaviors that match those non-Aspies, and the only certain signs that a person may be an Aspie are...


References:

• McPartland J, Klin A (2006). "Asperger's syndrome". Adolesc Med Clin 17 (3): 771–88. doi:10.1016/j.admecli.2006.06.010. PMID 17030291.
  
• Baskin JH, Sperber M, Price BH (2006). "Asperger syndrome revisited". Rev Neurol Dis 3 (1): 1–7. PMID 16596080.

I'm not sure what age has to do with it...

But there is 'reams of evidence' in clinical studies, in problems with nurturing and Autism; whether it is Asperger's, Autistic Disorder, or the new Autism Spectrum Disorder.

The references on that are too numerous to count...

Most people asked on this website, when these type of discussion threads come up do not have a desire to nurture children.

That is more than clear, just in this thread...

The diagnostic features text of the DSM manuals go much deeper that what is available to general public purview, covering these type of issues, in connections with others.