I will never be HEARD or loved,anyone disagree?

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Hey guys, i'm new here and well...i guess i can't help but think that my existance is like the dust everyone just brushes away all the time.... And i'm not trying to look pathetic or depressed or anything of the sort...but when you're alone and disliked by your own family, and when you don't have friends simply because you disagree with common judgmental schmucks that ALWAYS are the only people you find when you venture out for love or friends...how could you not feel like you don't exist? How could you not feel like you SHOULDN'T exist? I'm bullied so much in my little craphole town, that i even have people that know me passing by in cars, purposely insulting me whenever they can....It's ironic...because no matter how much i hurt or get hurt by others, i'm still that guy that is opening doors for others literally and metaphorically, and i'm still the guy that fights for others who say thank you once, and then forget you exist....And i guess this sounds like a monologue doesn't? Well that's how i keep myself from going crazy, i monologue, because i sure don't have people giving me the time of day to have DIALOGUE....I'll finish off with a question ( but please don't forget the words i wrote before this ): Do you guys judge others by external looks of any kinds? Because this hellhole sure as heck does...i just don't know anymore, and maybe because i don't know anymore, that's why girls my age would rather me 6 feet under....Thought? Cares? Prepositions? Concerns? Love?....

Your intentions may be good, but some of the negativity is quite extreme. Girls would rather you be "six feet under?" That's probably an overstatement and a very extreme reflection of how you feel about girls in particular. I'm not saying you want them "six feet under" but it does sound like you have allowed bad experiences to distort your system of beliefs on things. I would advise working on whatever problem you have with yours and girls before it gets worse.
You should do what you need to do and find a way to be a little more positive if possible. As for your family... almost all psychological problems start there.

In my attempt to understand how you feel, I would probably work on myself first. Then work on the family issues, then move to fixing problems with any friends or acquaintances.

Thanks for kind words man, but i guess the reason why i think girls and people in general want me dead, is because of how my whole town in general treats me....I used to just be bullied in school or at work, but now there's been people from all walks of my past, that have gone to extreme means to insult and belittle me. I used to love taking walks in my town to destress or relax, now i can't, because every time i go outstide, somebody somewhere happens to know me and wants to me how much of a "dipshit" i am, or how much of a "sad sack of s**t" i am, or other things i'm just too tired to list.....AND this happens to me 24/7....and since this is a big part of my town going to all lengths to make me feel like crap about myself, i really DON'T feel safe....I really do try to be positive, i live everyday to the fullest and i take every oppurtunity i can to talk to people or act or sing, or rap, but like i said, the in-town bullying, and then coming home to my parents belittling me, DOESN'T help....i've got a year and a half till i get my associates degree in radio/TV and then i'm moving as far away as possible from this hellhole..but until that time, i'm in constant pain from my past and present attacking me. I'm not lying about anything of what i said about the 24/7 bullying in my town i get ( i'm not saying anybody would claim i'm a lier, but when i tell this horror life i'm living to others, they scoff and say i'm dillusional). BUT i am living EVERY word i said.

It's too bad you didn't go to a state university away from your home town. That sucks. I left my house in NY at 18 to go to school in Iowa. It didn't really work out but at least I was away from the hell that was NY. I was lonely in Iowa, though, but that's a different story.

If you can hold out for 1 1/2 years for your radio/TV degree, then move out, that'll be cool. You can look at your hometown in the rearview mirror and yell, "Up yours!"

BTW, don't do anything drastic in trying to cope there. Keep reaching out to your fellow spectrumites here. We're all ears.

It gets better with time. I remember feeling similar feelings when I was your age.
I played the village idiot and smiled and ignored the barbs and pretended I didn't notice and I kept my plans to myself. I didn't seek sympathy nor did I share my misery (there was no Internet back then for support groups and forums) and then one night I got on my motorcycle and left.
I didn't talk to my family for 25 years and after that much time I have them where I want them. If they get on my nerves they know I will not be back to visit them for another 25 years and I think they are ashamed of how they treated me.
Don't ever believe those people who tell you running away isn't a solution. It really can be when done right. Make your plans, keep them to yourself and act on them when the time is right. being insulted by idiots can be a strong boost to get out of Dodge and seek happiness so later you can thank them for pushing you away.

Hey man, I get you. It seems like almost everyone I meet are selfish most of the time, and can't help themselves from being sh***y to anyone they can get away with it to. The exceptions I know convince me that there's still hope for the world, but it does get tough when people just give in to their shittiness all the time.

What really keeps me going is the hope that I can help make the world a little less sh***y, and maybe a little more accepting. But I'm sure it's gonna continue to be an uphill battle for all of us for a long while yet.

Heyas. *waves*

I faked myself for a really long time in order to make more friends and feel more accepted after high school. Part of that was that I couldn't hold down a job if I acted like myself, and turning that fake me on and off like a light switch wasn't ever something I was good at. It was either all or nothing, so I chose nothing at the time.

It's really brave and enlightened of you, in my opinion, to act the way you do. Being yourself, and maintaining your polite behavior and avoiding apathy while still feeling the pain of being aware of what's around you. Living without hurting anyone while also living without apathy is difficult. Especially if you have high moral ideals. ^_^

I don't know you, I don't know your town or family; but I think I know that you are on the right track for yourself. It sounds like you are, and I say this because you sound self-aware. You're questioning yourself and your surroundings while still remembering the things you know to be true for you. It takes some people their whole lives achieve that - and some never do! Some just plain don't make it a priority.

Sorry, I'm ranting!

I get angry too, sometimes. I have family problems - nothing like the awful ones I had in my 20s, but those it's taken me YEARS of hard work (mutual hard work, WITH some family members) to get to where I am with my family.

Honestly, I find that limiting my time with other people, both face-to-face and via phone or internet, has made me a happier person. While I desperately want friends, I just can't handle having much contact with people. I've had to get very comfortable just being alone, and being happy that way. That said, I am happily married to a wonderful person and do have several very close friends. I may only talk to a friend once a week, but they know why and the good ones have stuck over the years. You'll find them too, someday. I didn't find any of mine until 5 or 6 years ago, for the most part.

These are the things I tell myself every day:
You can't control anyone but you; and the more you try to control anything else, the more you give away your control over yourself.
Everybody makes mistakes and nobody does it right. Including you.
Never be ashamed to know what you know.

Sounds rough for you there...is it a small town?

You're so very young still to think about giving up. Things do tend to seem like forever and seem desperate more so at that age. If nothing else your physical makeup at that age group makes emotions more intense.

As life goes by more options will open to you. You can go and live anywhere you want to almost. Don't let a few small minded people ruin your future. Your future is yours to write, chapter by chapter.

NT guys have trouble getting dates sometimes too...just for what it's worth. (So do NT girls.)