Advice for Aspie girls

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Ahhh - I see what you mean Point taken! I agree with you completely. Funny, I get the impression that when I actually do lose weight, geography will probably be less of a problem that it currently appears... hee hee hee...

Last edited by saraip on 13 Jul 2013, 12:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

Thanks mods.

Yes, probably

While I understand that does constitute an issue - most women who are irresistibly attracted to a man show it very overtly, and it cannot be mistaken or hidden.
In cases such as mine - nobody could possibly mistake my flirting for anything else or say I don't signal it because I am so damn obvious and over the top about it, although I never realise I am doing it. Yet plenty of men confuse me being "friendly" for something more (all very quickly realise their mistake if they ever actually see me flirt). It's not just something that I run into either, but something most women I know have an issue with. Something that studies have apparently confirmed (although I cannot remember the name or year or authors of them now).

One of my male friends who is really has himself together explained it like this: that before he couldn't tell the difference. Because women being polite, nice or friendly or just paying attention seemed like an invitation to him. When he was still clueless, he said he mistook that for caring, sympathy and that she liked him, so he took it as an invitation to try to date her. When he started to learn more about women and became better with them, he mistook that for an invitation to chase her for sex. Now he can tell the difference because he isn't lacking anything anymore and therefore can see clearly without his unmet needs or wants getting in the way, instead he can connect on a personal level.

Our differences in opinion are probably a result of our different experiences.

If you ever look at dating advice sites and look at the sections on things like the body language women use when flirting, 95% of women are NEVER that obvious even when they ultimately end up going out with the guy while I watch them interact. You NEVER seem to see the obvious hair twirly, feet swively, lip-bitey stuff, or the very sensual tones of voice.

So either women have a habit of going out with men they aren't really all that attracted to, or maybe women THINK they're being unmistakably flirty but aren't. But alas, this would be indistinguishable from the MEN also being the ones who can't tell the difference without hard studies to demonstrate it rigorously.

In your case, it might be that men are SO used to trying to tell the difference between two subtly differfent states with most women, that for the women that ARE obvious, it looks like they're clueless.

I have noticed that flirting in anglo culture is much, much more toned down than what I am used to. That probably muddles the waters a bit.

I really would put my money on the underlined part causing the bolded part.
In such a situation you are right, they often play right down the line halfway between friendly and flirty, trying to flirt consciously, but not entirely succeeding because they aren't really attracted to them, or aren't attracted to them enough subconsciously. I see that a lot when I am out. Since friendly is enough to get most guys to chase though, they generally succeed anyway in the end.

But apart from that, studies have been done showing it.
Combine the two problems together and you have a real mess.

The fun part of these psychology-related issues is how multi-faceted they are. All I can say is that things like hair twirling and sensual tones are very easy to pick up, but don't seem to be used nearly enough for whatever the reason may be.

It does seem kind of depressing that women are apparently going out with men they aren't attracted to, though, which only seems to reinforce the idea that women only truly have eyes for the best.

That could so easily be said of men as well - although apparently men go out with women primarily on the basis of how attractive they are, rather than having other reasons for going out with them, like intellectual stimulation or money

For the majority, men, the same as women - always have an eye out for that top 5% or more, and will take the chance if it comes along. But both of them also accept average, or the equivalent level of wherever they perceive themselves to be at (which can be problematic for less self aware individuals) or what they deem to be compatible.

I'm talking more like, if what is in their "league" isn't even enough to get them showing all the signs of flirtation, it would seem to indicate that these relationships aren't really filled with passion and lust. IN other words, that unless you're lucky enough to have nabbed one of that illustrious 5%, you're never really even that into your relationship. I truly hope this isn't the case!

It seems different from how men seem to be able to go more than crazy for their much lower than that 5% girlfriends, but the women they're with don't seem to go as crazy as they do.

They can and sometimes will, just not always - a lot of women still look to do better than where they are at as the minimum (as do men, I should add). Remember that a lot of flirting and dating goes nowhere anyway - you don't know how many of these you are seeing end up being dead ends or end very quickly, which is probably the majority in cases like that where there isn't enough interest. Whether or not it will last is a whole other question. Men do the same thing though - take the chance when they get it.

A good example from the other night: There is one guy there I am ridiculously attracted to (physically, but his personality too). I can't hide it despite I've been trying. He knows it.But I will never go out with him. He's already lied to me more than once. And he isn't trustworthy. His friend is also extremely attractive physically too, his personality much more so. The difference is, he doesn't lie, is extremely trustworthy, and is very kind. Obviously in such a situation, anyone with sense is going to choose the latter. Maybe the physical attraction and certain personality traits aren't to the point that they are totally overwhelming, but they are still very strong and considering it's still a much better, and much smarter choice. And before anybody starts feeling bad for the first guy: don't, he has 3 other women, and one he ditched just this week, while the other currently has none and hasn't for a while. (and note I haven't done anything about this situation yet, this is merely a fair period of time of observation)

In essence, they are probably going with these guys for reasons other than attractiveness (despite most of the men here complain the good looking alpha men get all the girls). It's a bit strange on one hand to complain that they only go after alpha guys, and then complain that they are going out with guys that aren't soaking wet for because they are being logical enough to consider other important factors which you usually complain are overlooked like kindness and trustworthiness.

Last edited by Kjas on 13 Jul 2013, 10:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

To be fair, I'm not complaining about women going out with guys they aren't soaking wet for, in fact I find it to be a little depressing. I'd take it over the alternative, though: The harem-building that very sexy men are capable of. One subset of positive characteristics having all the sexual success doesn't bode well for humanity, so I'll happily be wrong here and hope you're right.

A lot of women who end up being with such a guy that you described as "very sexy", end up hooking up with other guys too during the same period of time that they're seeing them, not just one guy since they are fully aware he's going to do that. Most of them are smart enough to know and play the same game (although they would probably never admit it to anyone except their best friend). You're not looking at harems as much as you are multiple ongoing hook ups with other people from both sides.

And many other women just stay away from them altogether due to pre-mentioned issues that tend to go with it - if they can see or work out what the deal is.

And those who don't work out what the deal is usually find out and get hurt and it doesn't usually last long, usually these are the minority though.

lol