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CrayolaViolence
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11 Jul 2013, 1:59 pm

This is my first post here, so bear with me. It will probably be a little long.
I am a writer and was recently doing some research on autism when I came across information that left me with a lot of questions. Let me tell you a little bit about me first. For the majority of my life I have dealt with a lot of social issues. Uncomfortable away from home, easily distracted, uncomfortable around people I don't know, not comfortable with being touched by people I don't know, etc These problems are severe enough that I was never able to hold a job outside my home and had to come up with more creative ways to make a living.
Now, having said that, in the past I have actually wondered whether or not I could be on the autism spectrum but it was rarely more than a passing thought until recently when I was doing the research I mentioned.
A few things that I have always known about myself are, I can rarely hold eye contact with someone if I don't know them and even then it's fleeting. Sometimes I can force myself to hold it but inevitably I fail. I was made aware of this when I was in school and actually had teachers bring it up with my mother. Later on this same problem caused me to be passed over at job interviews.
I've always joked about not having a filter between my brain and my mouth. On more than on occasion I've said the wrong thing not meaning to be hurtful or said it in the wrong tone or at the wrong time. I also have a delayed reaction to thanking people (or other cultural niceties). Most of the time I walk away and have to turn around and go back when I realize what I've forgotten. I don't do well in group situations. I have very few friends. I've been told I'm intimidating but I've never understood this. When I have asked people that I know what is intimidating about me it's apparently the way I talk about things, how I animate and my tone of voice. I don't do well with change. I eat the same foods and I eat those foods cooked the same way every time. When it's not cooked the way I'm used to having it, I've been known to go without rather than eat it. It's rude but no matter how I try I just can get around it. I often treat sarcasm more literal and have had friends tell me they were just joking. I can usually tell when someone is being sarcastic I just don't respond to it like people expect. I also don't respond to a lot of things other people find funny in movies or on TV. I laugh, I enjoy some stand up comedians, but a lot of what's considered funny by most people, make me very uncomfortable to the point I have to walk away.
There are other things too, but it's pointless to name them all. I just know that "my behavior" has been an issue since I was a kid. It is odd enough that when I was young I was tormented in school. I felt like the baby chicken with a black spot on its head that gets pecked to death by all the other baby chicks who won't leave the spot alone.
Like I said, I never really gave anything much thought because I've had a few psychology tests done in school due to learning issues and no psychologist ever mentioned it. Other than the one who told my mother that I had no concept of what was real and not real. But I do know the difference and figured it was the fact that I am hyper creative that threw her off. If figured, oh well, this is just me. I'm odd.
But when doing my research I was also looking at childhood autism. What I read made me really wonder if I was right all those years ago when I questioned myself on it.
As a child I stuttered in response I hit myself in the mouth, I would pull out my hair, hit my head against a wall, I bit myself when I became very upset. Most of these behaviors disappeared as I got older, except for the biting until I reached my teens. Also as a child I would "over react" to some situations, emotionally and verbally (this also lasted into my teens and sometimes I still do it). I also never got along with other children. I tried. I can remember wanting to make friends so badly but other kids didn't understand me and I didn't understand them. I was always called weird, strange, freakish. I can honestly say that I don't think I ever really had any friends as a kid.
So I am wondering if it's possible that I am autistic and that my "strangeness" has a basis and I'm not just "weird". I'd like to be able to see a psychiatrist and talk with them, but I've not had much luck in the past. I do have a bipolar diagnosis and receive treatment for that but now all my medication management is done through my GP because I just could not afford to keep paying the psychiatrist money to take five minutes to write me a prescription. I want to talk to a doctor about this, but I don't want to come off as a hypochondriac. I would like to know though, if for no other reason to have an answer to why I am the way I am.
Thanks for listening--I mean reading.



redrobin62
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11 Jul 2013, 2:14 pm

Hi. Just so you know, it isn't just doctors that can diagnose Asperger's or autism. Licensed clinical psychologists can also do it.

Using the link below you might find a plethora of Asperger's or autism therapists in your area. You'll find they charge about $90-$350, some with sliding scales, too.

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/r ... TherapistA



CrayolaViolence
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12 Jul 2013, 12:19 pm

I am bumping this up in hopes that someone might see it and let me know if it is reasonable for me to suspect that I might be Aspergers/Autistic? Please let me know because I'd like to approach a doctor about this unless it's just a waste of time.



sharkattack
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12 Jul 2013, 12:23 pm

CrayolaViolence wrote:
I am bumping this up in hopes that someone might see it and let me know if it is reasonable for me to suspect that I might be Aspergers/Autistic? Please let me know because I'd like to approach a doctor about this unless it's just a waste of time.



I suspected I had it and I was right.

You had a burst of energy and you wanted to bare your sole another strong indicator you may have Autism.


I can only guess but I would guess you have autism and be on the part of the spectrum the use to be called Aspergers.


However if you want anybody to read that break it up a bit it hurts the eyes in one big block.



BlackSabre7
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13 Jul 2013, 12:06 am

Well I can relate to a lot of what you said. I am self diagnosed. I did try to talk to an autism expert at my Uni, and she did say I had traits, but she did not test me and I did not push it. I am used to camouflaging my behaviour, and I think I hid too much from her, so she decided I was OK. I hoped she would see through my walls, and was extremely angry with her for failing to do so. Probably not fair of me - I just thought she, being an expert, would know better. I suppose she does usually deal with kids, so maybe an older person was outside of her area of expertise. I am still mad though. It is so hard for me to ask for help. I really needed her help and will probably not try again for ages.

I wanted a diagnosis for the same reason you mentioned - to give a basis for why I always felt different, never fit in, always struggled socially, etc, (as opposed to somehow choosing to be difficult)
I am also hypercreative. I have not seen as much of this within this community as I had expected (but I admit, I don't look at many parts of the forum much, or at all). I am going to, one day, post a bunch of things I have done to demonstrate this, and I hope others will also confirm that they are similar. I rarely see anyone universally creative and would like to gauge the presence of this quality in others.

Anyhoo, I think you sound like you would benefit from visiting Wrong Planet. But there are very many kinds of people here so don't give up if someone upsets you. By reading around, I found enough answers to help me feel less confused about myself. I hope you do too.