My father doesn't pay alimony

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Sora
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23 Jan 2007, 1:54 pm

I could scream and scream and scream out of frustrasion and because I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. I am sorry for the freaky sentences and spelling mistakes, I'm really upset right now.

My father doesn't talk to me or ANYONE for that matter althouzgh he's supposed to pay alimony. Or child support. I'm not sure what it is called in English. He shoukd ahve paid eight days ago but didn't. We really need the money, because without it we only have like 500 and weare two people. My mom and I.

I wish I wouldn't know my father. Ever since that awful grandfather invited me to his birthday a few years ago, so I would have to meet my father (again) all i get from my father is stress. He#s annoying, he tries to make me feel really bad, blame everythign on me and won't talk to me unless I phone him (which I can't manage often because I'm too afraid to call hima nd stutter because I can't telephone very well).

My mom tried calling him for three daysd now. She said, at first she thought he had just forgotten paying so she didn't try earlier. Right now, we know he's home. My mom tried calling him via mobilephone, but he doesn't answer that.
Now she even tried to call his "new" wife, but that woman just hung up. Why?
He doesn't answer his own phone too, although he's at home right now and must hear it ring.
The parents of my father were mean too, because they hate my mom or something and now I'm never supposed to talk to them again. Which I'm glad for, I don't like them, they only evre speak of how they will die soon. I think they're lieing on purpose or are insane.

And now I have no idea what to do because my mom's really stressed right now and then she's always mean to me too and just left me alone at home. I don#t know where she went.



alex
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23 Jan 2007, 2:00 pm

there are services which will collect the money.


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en_una_isla
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23 Jan 2007, 2:01 pm

Hmmm... I don't know about Germany, but here US) child support is legally contracted, and if a man (or woman, if she is the non custodial parent) doesn't pay, the wages are deducted from his wages and he can even lose his driver's license. Is there a court order in effect?


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janicka
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23 Jan 2007, 3:11 pm

I must have missed something.... Are you in Germany?

I have an uncle like your dad. He basically stopped paying the child support (yes, that is what it is called in English) and cut off contact from my cousin. They live in the Czech Republic. Apparently, the government there paid my aunt the child support that was unpaid, and sued her former husband (I guess he's my former uncle now?). The negative part about that service seemed to be that my aunt and cousin both had to go to court after the government arrested him for what he did. My aunt did not mind, but it was very traumatic for my cousin to see her father in hand cuffs being led into the court. My aunt kept telling her that it wasn't her fault, rather it was her father's fault for not following the laws. She's OK with it now, but it took her years to get over all of the trauma (not just child support related trauma).

Back to the point... Is there a government service in Germany that would pay your mother until the child support was collected? I sort of thought that this arrangement that the Czech Republic had was an EU stanard. I could be wrong... But I seriously thought that how my cousin's child support was handled was excellent, since she (the child) didn't suffer the consequences of her father's nonpayment in any immediate sense. They were able to pay their expenses and the government went to the trouble of collecting.

What Isla says is true about the US. Courts can take money from the wages, but the problem is that delinquent fathers may then work illegally. Also, some of them change jobs so often that the courts cannot keep up. In the meanwhile, the families have to suffer due to the nonpayment. The way that the Czechs handle it seems so much better to me.



amerikasend
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23 Jan 2007, 6:50 pm

The europeans have good social services there, well from I understand. I guess check out one of them or something.



ahayes
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23 Jan 2007, 9:22 pm

My uncle's wife ditched him and applied for child support. They started taking so much out of his wages that he didn't have anywhere enough to live. (out of a $1200 paycheck he got around $50) He decided to go back to school, guess how much child support his ex gets now? $0 Perhaps if the child support system allowed for a living wage there wouldn't be so many fathers avoiding it. He also got paid under the counter for a little while but it didn't work out with the person he was living with so he had to move.



BazzaMcKenzie
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24 Jan 2007, 9:55 pm

My father was like that 30 yrs ago. I see him ocasionally and I used to think it would be good for my kids to know their grandfather, but he mostly ignores them.

I feel sad for you. I know it hurts.


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TheMachine1
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24 Jan 2007, 10:33 pm

My dad allways paid child support. Divorce or seperation really is hard
on everybody economically. The whole concept of a family living together is an economic thing. The rent alone that the father has to pay to maintain a seperate household after seperation comes right out of the childs quality of life usually. In most case the mother an the child become poorer after a seperation. The father about the same or richer.



Sora
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17 Feb 2007, 10:52 am

Thank you all!! My mom was pretty cooled down the other day and managed to explain everything to me I felt like I'd have to know. Since she's lost her job a long time ago, we get money from the social service together, which means she could employ a lawyer instead of me. Right now, my father suddenly wanted to pay again, but our lawyer said, we can't accept it because he's got to pay even more. If I accept what he offers, I could get problems with an agency that's responsible for these kind of things. I do hope it will be all over soon.

I'm not upset that my father behaves so badly, but I wish he would just behave like a normal human being that has responsibilities. So, at least this not-really-knowing-him is a good thing; I didn't really know him until I was almost 15 years old! He was very interested in me at first, but then he stopped. I wonder whether this is because I'm weird or whether it was just him being stupid. I decided I'm not going to try to contact him for the next ten years or ever again, it's not worth it when he's not interested in me and when I neither have nor want a daughter-father relationship with him.