I am in need of some advice, pretty badly

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Ok I realize some, most of what I am going to ask is going to sound immature to someone out there, but for me this is actually interfering with my sleep among other things, I posted this on blog somewhere to get some advice, but I figured this would be much easier
I am a 18 year old aspie male, I realize many people feel differently about many things, I can see how in the past I have retracted (in relationships aka leaving) myself because I felt it was for the greater good, usually it's due to a feeling of inadequacy which very well may be correct, my issue is after each failed relations I was able to actually change my view of the person such as thinking of her in a different light, right now I am in what is probably the worst situation I feel I have ever been in, I am in love with a girl (I suppose you could say woman) she is a little older than I am but we were both in the same grade(were we both are out of high school now),(sorry if I am diverging) my point is she was highly troubled, she has a history of being abused, neglected, molested, raped, along with all of that she has also had many near death experiences, and due to her life experiences she is untrusting of men, and for some reason, far beyond my understanding, I love her, and it may come to the point where she tells me she doesn't love me, but even though all of that I still find a way to be in love with her even though she doesn't show any real response to me telling her that I love her, something I had a discussion with her a few months ago, and I guess part of it is she has never responded negatively to me really, and I realize her trust issues are something that she can't change, when around her I try yo be considerate and try as hard as I can to give her my attention, and I have told her if I ever make her uncomfortable. All she needs to do is tell me what I can do to alleviate that, my issue is I realize that all of my feelings are impracticle, and that I should just not talk to her or that I should kill my self (which is something that makes no sense because I know all it does is cause other people pain which is why I am fairly sure I won't kill myself, because i don't like causing pain) anyway, I want to be whatever she needs from me wither that be just a friend or otherwise, I can't seem to allow myself to change how I view her, I feel as if I am being riped in half and I can't fully decide to stay or leave, which makes me feel like these feelings are aberrations and would like to know how I should proceed in any regard

This would be the best approach. My best friend sounds fairly similar to this woman, also had a really bad past history. Having known her for almost a decade, I know that she's never had a long term relationship and almost certainly never will. It's just not compatible with her psychology, that may or may not be the case with this woman you are interested in. However, I've managed to remain very good friends with her for a long time. If this woman you are interested in wants to be friends then be friends. Maybe, after a year or two, her views on men might change, trust should grow but if enough for a relationship, well,, I would not hold your breath though but it is a possibility. If it does not change, you've still got her as a friend, if it does change then you have a chance. Walking away then you have neither.

I personally think you should talk to her about it if you can and then give her some time to respond to it. It's OK to tell her that you have feelings for her, but that you are willing to let her decide how to proceed. That way, you definitely get some clarity on where you stand. If she thinks it is OK for you to remain friends, then at least you can be open with each other. It's pretty nerve-wracking to tell someone you like them (I've done it more times that I care to admit, but rarely face to face) but it also helps you to move on with your life if that's what needs to happen. I guess it might not be the best advice, but that's what I think would work out the best.

Thank you both for you advice, it should help me a lot, not sure what's going to happen, best advice I have ever gotten, including from my parents one is an aspie (my father), anyway sincerely thank you

Girls with abuse issues are very hard to take care of. If you were to remain boyfriend and girlfriend to the point where you build a life together, as an aspie especially, you have to ask yourself if you really have or can develop the tools and traits to really care for her, and deal with anything that might be thrown your way. Those are pretty extreme abuse issues. Do you have the strength to deal with your own AND her issues?

It might be completely the best decision to just remain friends and provide support as you can. These are issues she will be dealing with her whole life, and may never get resolved. Those types of abuse effect a person to their core.

In some respects I'm dealing with a similar issue. I'm asking myself the same questions.

what if she needs you to be a stranger? (a. k. a. "not a part of her life"). could you /would you do that? would you love her enough to leave her alone and find someone else?

it sounds like" wet hungry puppy " syndrome. you desire to help the poor, wet, hungry puppy that found its way to your door. but the puppy may not want the help. worse yet, there is the possibility that the puppy prefers being the victim (receiving sympathy from others because of real, or fabricated, suffering), or, even worse, the puppy may be inescapably drawn to abusive relationships, which you shouldn't provide, ever. consider taking the silence (not answering) as a" no", and consider giving her the gift of you being a stranger (not in her life). It may be that is what she needs from you.

just some thoughts to consider.

what if she needs you to be a stranger? (a. k. a. "not a part of her life"). could you /would you do that? would you love her enough to leave her alone and find someone else?

it sounds like" wet hungry puppy " syndrome. you desire to help the poor, wet, hungry puppy that found its way to your door. but the puppy may not want the help. worse yet, there is the possibility that the puppy prefers being the victim (receiving sympathy from others because of real, or fabricated, suffering), or, even worse, the puppy may be inescapably drawn to abusive relationships, which you shouldn't provide, ever. consider taking the silence (not answering) as a" no", and consider giving her the gift of you being a stranger (not in her life). It may be that is what she needs from you.

just some thoughts to consider.