A bit upset over something I can't say here, re; youngest so

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OliveOilMom
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19 Jul 2013, 9:03 pm

Lets just say that I'm one of those real laid back parents that plenty of parents here wouldn't let their kid hand out at her kids house. But, he's come home with a brand new plan. I don't know what to do, cause a weird part of me (the half Sicilian part) is great with this, but the Mom part is like NO NO NO.

Can I please talk to other moms who may have been through this or who may at least understand and have ideas for me? He's making money hand over fist here and I'm happy about that. BTW, it is NOT crystal meth which is what half this town's economy is run on and that crap is bad and not something I'd let in my house.

He's 18, I can't tell him no. For other reasons, I also can't tell him no. I told him it makes me worry, but he's always like "Mom, CHILL!" and gets mad.


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Ladywoofwoof
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19 Jul 2013, 9:08 pm

;-) If he's trying to pimp whores, then I'd tell him to at least do it outside rather than in the house.



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19 Jul 2013, 9:20 pm

Sounds intriguing.... :) I am that unconventional parent also...

Not sure what your guy is up to, but I have raised two NT-ish kids into their 20's (adulthood! apartments in the city!) and I'm currently working on getting my final nestling, who's a preteen, to become a fabulous adult as well.

Kids making money sounds good.... but depending on the circumstances, maybe not.... 8O

Didn't happen to me (yet, anyway) but I remember my (then) friend's son, who was still living in her home and attending his senior year in high school (for the second time around), telling her "You can't tell me what to do, I'm 18!" Chronology isn't everything though... turned out she still did have some power over him, for what it was worth.

Said ex-friend was/is a very, very controlling parent though, whereas I could never. My goal for my kids is that they will learn to make independent positive decisions for themselves - not looking over their shoulder to see if any authority figures are watching, then going ahead with whatever dumb scheme they're planning, if no one's there to get them in trouble.



ASDsmom
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19 Jul 2013, 9:32 pm

My son is only 12 so he's not "there" yet but if you want to PM me, I'm here.



redrobin62
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19 Jul 2013, 9:41 pm

<--- Rubbing his hands together in high anticipation of learning what OOM's son is up to.



OliveOilMom
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20 Jul 2013, 12:38 am

Ladywoofwoof wrote:
;-) If he's trying to pimp whores, then I'd tell him to at least do it outside rather than in the house.


No, that aint lucrative enough. PM me


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Ladywoofwoof
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20 Jul 2013, 5:15 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
Ladywoofwoof wrote:
;-) If he's trying to pimp whores, then I'd tell him to at least do it outside rather than in the house.


No, that aint lucrative enough. PM me


I'm somewhat relieved.
You just never know when one of those girls will be picked up on the street by cops, and spill the beans.
:wink: :-) :lol:

I've PMed you.



postcards57
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20 Jul 2013, 8:08 pm

My response to illegal money-making ideas (not that they've ever occured to the children of this unconventional mom haha) is to say that if they get arrested it will seriously hurt their chances of getting good jobs, so in the end it's not as lucrative as it seems. If logic doesn't work I also appeal to their sense of social justice by admitting that some laws are stupid and they should work towards changing them, but civil disobedience does not include breaking the law. I've actually been pretty successful in channeling their the-law-isn't-fair into social action. But I have to say that money isn't a huge motivator to them; they're satisfied with part-time jobs and my fairly lenient expectations of what they do with it.
J.



OliveOilMom
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21 Jul 2013, 2:25 pm

We had a bit of drama here last night. About this. Everybody was asleep right? Then about 3:30 in the morning somebody knocks. Wakes me up. I go to the door they want my son. Now, my bad all the way here, but I went and woke him up. Said he's got company. He had to wake up, get out the scale, do all that right? He had to break out the good for that boy. He got so mad at me after, cause all I did was wake him up. Apparantly I was supposed to tell him he closed up for the night. I did not know that. Talk about a temper fit! He threw one!


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DW_a_mom
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21 Jul 2013, 3:06 pm

Um, NOT in your home. You become liable, you know that, right?

It is one thing to make choices that can have consequences for yourself, a whole other thing to make choices that can have consequences for those you live with.

On that grounds alone no way would I put up with it. It may be his life, but it is your house.

And I'd definitely make sure he is aware of ALL the potential consequences to himself. At that age they are oh so sure they will be different and never have to face any of them, but it doesn't work that way, and you need to be clear about that: someday, everyone involved in certain things "pays up" to some degree in the way of consequences. Everyone.


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OliveOilMom
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21 Jul 2013, 5:11 pm

Well he knows how I am. I won't sell nobody out ever. If they come and I get charged, I'll say it's mine. He knows that. I do not snitch and he will have to carry the guilt forever. I'm Italian, I can put so much guilt on you over nothing that you can't walk. Over this, yes, I could guilt him so bad it's not funny.


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mikassyna
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22 Jul 2013, 10:45 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
We had a bit of drama here last night. About this. Everybody was asleep right? Then about 3:30 in the morning somebody knocks. Wakes me up. I go to the door they want my son. Now, my bad all the way here, but I went and woke him up. Said he's got company. He had to wake up, get out the scale, do all that right? He had to break out the good for that boy. He got so mad at me after, cause all I did was wake him up. Apparantly I was supposed to tell him he closed up for the night. I did not know that. Talk about a temper fit! He threw one!


Olive, I know you love your son, but please... you are jeopardizing yourself and your family. You can find yourself in a whole host of legal trouble by letting him deal out of your home. You could even be prosecuted for being his accomplice, should anything go down with the law. I urge you to think sensibly, because you are inviting addicts to your house, addicts who might rob, hurt or who knows what else. And what recourse would you have in the eyes of the law, should they pull something on your property? They know you would not call the cops because your home is compromised already. Please, please, please. I know your heart wants to protect your child, but this person is not a child anymore. He is walking down a dark path that does not end well. Please be very careful. Please at the very least protect yourself...



khchristo
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23 Jul 2013, 6:29 am

You don't sound upset over it.I'm laid back too but this can't be what you want for him.Money is just money.He's got to look over his shoulder and keep his "success" a secret.This is the easy way out.I wouldn't tolerate it.I'm not against people smoking it at all but dealing it-no way.It isn't a career to be proud of and no good is gonna come of it.



postcards57
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24 Jul 2013, 6:39 pm

I didn't realize that he had actually acted on this idea and you are now so involved. Are you really willing to model this kind of decision-making and accept long-term consequences for the sake of short-term money? Does he really understand the consequences? I shudder to think how he would manage in prison, or without you if you were.



OliveOilMom
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24 Jul 2013, 6:46 pm

Well, even though I don't sound upset, I am. Everybody I know who has gotten into that for "just right now" ended up doing it for years and years. It's just too easy, especially here where everybody knows who does what and they pick and choose who they bother about it. He could get by with it. But he was going to GED classes and I don't want him to blow that off to do this. He also wanted to go to college classes after he gets his GED. He won't do that if he's doing this. He's got tons of ways to make money without this, and now he's got in with a group I don't want him with.

I'm sending him to talk to this one cop friend, who has known him since he was a little kid and won't get all cop like and won't "do anything" about it, he will talk to him. His own son went through this recently. He needs to know what can happen if things change. Things will not always be like this in this little town. Eventually the old guys quit or retire or get fired and new ones come on and they may bother him about it. Also, he may think that because it's so easy and safe here that it would be in the city too. It is definitely NOT in the city. Not in any way shape or form and he's not cut out to handle that level of this.


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My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA. ;-)

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