autistic child's haircut broke a parent's heart

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I wasn't sure where to put this but.... here you go

http://www.whattoexpect.com/wom/family-life/why-my-autistic-child-s-haircut-broke-my-heart.aspx

Why doesn't she just cut the kid's hair herself. That's what my Mom use to do.

Her article is aimed at parents and how they should deal with their public humiliation. I'm more concerned with the experience the kid is having.

Haircuts were a miserable experience for me as a kid. As I've gotten older it has become much better, in fact I look forward to them. But as a kid, the feeling and sound of the scissors against my skin, the pulling of my hair while brushing and cutting, the pin-like shards of hair jabbing my skin, the burning heat of the hairdryer, and even the washing and the water pressure used to send me into overload. I didn't have a tantrum (I knew better, as I would get hit pretty bad if I did), but I certainly didn't make it easy with my squirming and whining. I was probably the only kid who came out of that place with a miserable scowl on my face. My mother used to try to cut my bangs and that also was a misery. I used to get jabbed by the scissors a lot because I couldn't stay still while I had this sharp object scraping at me. I still cringe when I think about it.

I understand the doctor´s offices. But why the hell do I have to force my child to go to all the other places? I dont see the sense, in going to a theme park, if the child hates theme parks anyway? O_o I mean if you have other childs as well, I´d rather search for a babysitter, because the other kids will also be happier without their sibling getting meltdowns in the themepark. O_o

I agree with this - It sounds like the author is trying to make her kid something that he is not.

I'm also more concerned about the child than the mother. I think some parents, not you guys just want pity.

I remember my first hair cuts from when I was three. I hated them not because of sensory issues, because they frightened me. I didn't like getting my hair washed and to me it was torture, literally torture. I don't even remember the rest because the whole thing was scary. Mom just started to cut my hair instead and she would distract me and I wouldn't even know she had a pair of scissors and she would cut it. She told me I wouldn't let them cut my hair so she had to do it herself. After a while I got used to it and it wasn't scary anymore. Now I like the feeling of getting my air cut and my hair washed even if it does itch a little and staying still. To me it all feels good and I wonder why it all frightened me when I was little.

I can understand the mother's point. When you're a parent, you want your kid to look nice, not someone who looks neglected and doesn't give rats about their child. What if the child never wanted to take baths, they will start smelling and people will think you don't take care of them. They will smell, teachers will complain, same as if you never wash their hair nor brush their teeth or have them wear clean clothes. But you can't really win. Either way someone will still be critical about your choices rather it's not getting their hair cut or getting it done.

I think you might have mis-read the article. The mother who wrote the article cut her son's hair at home so she wouldn't put him through the bad experience at a salon. Even then, it was a difficult experience for both of them and the mother seems to be wishing for another way to handle it.

I think a lot of parents wonder what to do in these situations - for instance, DS used to ask to go to a particular salon (we have one locally where they let the kids play videogames while their hair is being cut,) or to amusement parks, and then sometimes he would melt down and sometimes not. It's not so easy to figure out - obviously, we want what's best for our kid (and I think that goes for the majority of parents, even the ones who aren't posters here.) It's just that sometimes it is hard to figure out what that is.

I read the original article about the Mom in the salon - and that was neither her nor her child's fault: the salon was just an awful place with a horrible owner. Sometimes you don't know that until you are in the middle of it. What was great about that story was that all the patrons and some employees in the salon rose to the defense of the mother and child.

I also hated getting my hair brushed and my parents had to sit on top of me to do it. I didn't like the feeling and my hair pulling so my hair had to be kept short so it's easier to brush my hair and it's a lot quicker. I still keep my hair short because when it's long, it's hard to brush and it hurts and even conditioner didn't keep the snarls away. I had to have my husband help me and I put up with the pain and I decided to keep it shoulder length so it's not a pain to get it brushed. As a kid I could not tolerate it so my parents had to sit on me to get it done and finally Mom had my hair cut short again when I was almost seven.

We go to a kids salon with video games and books, too. We tried a regular place for awhile. It went Ok with someone very efficient fast and good, but the slow one.. made it hard, and we almost got kicked out by the manager. He is more tolerant but only so much can be tolerated, you know. I wish the fast one still worked there. We never did the whole hair wash thing first--just spritxing...

Anyway went went back to the kids place. We ask for a certain stylist, and it works. Mainly now the problem is the itchy hair getting under his neck sometimes. Much improvement on this front. I had to cut his hair until he was 5.

We gave DS a buzz-cut with clippers while under the influence of videos for years (this was before we knew his diagnosis, but it worked) I couldn't afford the video-game place, so we'd go there only for emergencies when we needed something better than I could do.

These days, DS gets money for a haircut. It's kind of my way of acknowledging that it is really hard for him, and it is enough for him to tolerate all the feelings for the time he has to sit there. He's slowly getting better and better at it, although at the moment we don't have to go often because he's growing his hair long (which is fine with me.) Again, it's all about making sure his hair can be kept neat without difficulty, and not about any imposed idea of what he "should" be.

If it's so awful then just don't cut it. They don't "need" a haircut.

I don't remember having my first haircut until I was in fourth grade and it was my own choice.

Haircuts aren't really necessary. I'm 38 and in my entire life I had 3 haircuts and 3 trims.

I hated having my hair brushed as a kid so my mother put it in braids at night to make it easier to brush.

Last edited by hanyo on 26 Jul 2013, 2:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

When I was little, I didn't like haircuts much myself, but my mom took me to this very nice woman who really seemed to like kids, and as I sat getting my haircut, she would let me play with these little California Raisins toys she kept in one of her drawers. I was so interested in the California Raisins that I didn't mind getting my hair cut once I got busy playing with them. I didn't even mind going there, since I knew I'd get to play with the Raisins once we got there.

When my younger half-sisters were young, we'd take them to this place called "Cookie Cutters" that was like a kid-friendly haircut place...there was a small playground structure in there, and you could sit and watch TV or a movie while your hair was getting cut...and when they were done, they gave you a sucker and a balloon. One time we went to a Cookie Cutters only to find out they were closed for the night, and one of my sisters actually had a fit about it...she liked it that much.

I'm okay with haircuts now, I just have to take a shower as soon as I get home for having one, since the all the loose hairs that fall down my shirt and get all over everything my head touches drive me crazy! Come to think of it, I'm about due for a haircut myself, since my bangs have been driving me crazy, too...

Last edited by LtlPinkCoupe on 26 Jul 2013, 3:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This depends entirely on the individual kids and their individual hair. It's not so easy.

I see it as the parents choice and not a need, unless the kid is just so uncooperative about hair brushing that their hair turns into a giant mat and there is no way to brush it out.

I never had any haircuts as a young child.

Depending where one lives, there are certain grooming standards for hair in even public schools. The schools in our area have rather strict length standards for boys. I don't think it is fair, but those are the rules.

So, no, it is not optional for children who go to school. I had enough trouble with getting health related exemptions for buttons (My son is a chewer and it was a choking hazard to have buttons on his shirts) I don't know what kind of fit they would have had if I tried to get a haircut exemption.