autistic child's haircut broke a parent's heart

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My mother used to smile, wave, and say: "Oh, hi! How have you been??" when this happened . It would trip people up for a minute trying to figure out if they did actually know us, and being really ashamed of being so rude to someone they knew if they did know us. Works pretty well.

I'm for changing the world.

I guess I don't understand that because I never cared about fitting in. I suppose it's your choice whether you want to do that.

I never cared about "fitting in" either.
Even if I wanted to, I couldn't.
I can't copy other people's behaviour, can't change the way I behave and think and don't really understand what is "normal" according to others.
I don't care about prise or criticism by others, I don't seek acceptance; some people accept me the way I am, that's enough.

I don't want to change the world, I don't want others to think the same way I think, and I don't want to force others to accept me.

I just want to be respected and live my life the way I want to.

That is certainly both of your prerogative, especially since you are old enough to post on forums on your own and understand the ramifications of what you are doing.

My son DOES care about what other people think, so I have to factor that into the decisions we make about him.

Plus, there's a certain degree to which following some social conventions gives you more freedom as an adult, not less - and I want that for my son, too. (For instance: he needs to be able to find a job, which means at minimum being able to be polite, and usually also to follow a basic dress code) While there's wiggle room and interpretation (there are jobs where the dress code is very relaxed, and jobs where you don't have to deal with people regularly, so you don't have to worry about politeness as much.) I want him to at least learn to manage so he has those options available to him when he's an adult. Of course, I'm not forcing him into situations that are actively painful or those which he's not ready for - more sort of gently pointing out that these are skills he will be needing.

I am absolutely not trying to make him over or make him somebody he's not, but childhood is the time when everybody gives you a bit of a mulligan for learning these sorts of things, and I feel it's my responsibility as a parent to make sure he has the tools. If he chooses not to use them as an adult, I'm totally fine with that, as long as he can figure out a way to be productive.

I think you're right to help your boy fit in as well as possible.

I used to be, too.

And then I realized that I was going to die prematurely old and beaten and tired, most probably with my kids in foster care, and all the world was going to have to say about it would be to breathe a sigh of relief and go, "Well, THAT'S over."

If the world is going to be changed, it's going to be incrementally and from the inside (or by catastrophic alteration the like of which I would not wish for anyone). It's not going to change for a bunch of ratty-haired freaks in duct-taped sneakers who don't know how to play the game.

Sad. Very, very sad. But true.

I don't feel as beaten and tired as I use to. I'm learning better skills and am able to function relatively well. I like to push the envelope with the world a little. I know I'm often perceived as somehow different or odd, but I do okay.
I choose who I surround myself with for the most part (except at work, but I really don't socialize there.) And they know what to expect from me.