Being talked over...

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I was wondering if others have problems with being "talked over?" This has been my biggest frustration in life. I start to say something, an open window in the conversation where nobody is talking, and somebody else in the group decides to start talking right over me, interrupting what I was saying, not letting me finish.

I have one group of "friends" that basically never lets me talk. Every time I start to say something, somebody starts up. It's like they are intentionally doing it. They do it so often to me, it comes across as intentionally trying to shut me up. When I ask my wife about it, she tells me it is because they find me long winded, and confusing.

My wife is also famous for doing it to me as well. She says that she is just trying to finish my thought, or that she is agreeing with me. How can she tell if she is agreeing with me if I haven't finished what I am saying? When she tries to finish my thought, she is almost always wrong.

Is this a common problem?

Exact same thing happens all the time. I don't talk much of the time, so I never understand why it happens. I find it extremely rude. I often feel the behavior is not to shut up, but to dominate and keep you in the corner like a well trained even abused dog. I always get the feeling that the person doing it is getting a power kick or ego boost by easily dominating me. If I shut up and especially quick, it means they have more power and can easily control me.

If I catch onto it in time, which isn't very often, I just keep talking and the person looks at me like I'm the rude one. They also look a little deflated. It's better than looking at that damn smug smile and feeling like I've just been gotten.

Last edited by Jasper1 on 28 Jul 2013, 1:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Maybe not as bad as you experience but I am often talked over.
I also find that despite being really well educated and very experienced in my own field, people rarely listen to me or ask my advice. People also feel it is perfectly acceptable to lecture me on how things should be done, again, even though I have the experience and knowledge to do things correctly.

NT humans seem to argue over air space all the time,its a dominance thing isnt it?,anyone who isnt as able at getting their voice heard is ignored because some ego driven tool is only thinking about their view.
play them at their own game and show dominance,dont be talked into shutting up for them,perhaps look up stuff about assertiveness and learn how to deal with them.

am non verbal and get talked over even when am using makaton,PECS,TTS or typing to communicate,theyre even trying to guess what am in the middle of typing [usualy getting it wrong] ,however am not one to let them control everything so will ignore them till have typed it all out and once have finished saying own side; will let them have theirs- communication is give and take,not take take take.

This is one of the main frustrations of my life, and one of the (many) reasons I don't enjoy social get-togethers. I am soft-spoken and I don't speak at as fast a clip as a lot of people, so I get steamrolled all the time. In fact, I have basically given up conversation except with my daughters and my one friend. My husband even steamrolls my speech. It hurts, and the really sad thing is that those people have no idea what they miss by not listening to us! I really prefer written communication.

with "friends" like that, who needs enemies? with a wife like that, who needs an ex?

YES.

And then, they'll accuse me of "talking over them." I'm just trying to get a word in edgewise with someone who seems so enamored of the sound of their own voice that they refuse to stop "monologuing."

It sometimes escalates into yelling, with me saying "You were talking over me--what the hell did you expect?" This is followed by a dirty look from the other person, then I say "screw this" and stalk off. Don't even know why I bother.

Note: this person is NT (supposedly).

A general rule of thumb is never speak in more than a complete sentence or at most a paragraph without giving the other person a chance for a verbal sign that they are genuinely interested in what your saying.

I have experienced this. It can be incredibly frustrating

I think that part of my problem is that I,, have a tendency, to,, sound like I'm doing,, a, Captain, James T., Kirk impression. I never noticed how the TV character talked until somebody was making fun of him.

you should hear how he does [not singing] songs such as "lucy in the sky with diamonds."

I do speak slowly and in somewhat of a monotone voice -- so even a short sentence takes longer for me to say than an NT. But I still feel like they're a***&^%les if they interrupt me, because they actually construct much LONGER sentences and get away with saying the whole thing without interruption. These are just people I don't need in my life. I think I should even get up my courage to tell them that, specifically if they're going to think it's OK to talk over me, I don't want to association with them anymore. They're jerks and this behavior makes me hate them anyway.

Yes, very often. I think I tend to want to say things really accurately and exactly and that is probably frustrating for some people. They probably can't wait till I finish because I tend to speak rather slowly, too. I'm also not very confident and people can sense it. So they think it's ok to talk over me. It's really frustrating. If anyone is a good listener, I do have useful things to say, but most people never have the chance to hear them. Some people are patient enough to let me finish. There have been times when I had an important thing to say, but because other people didn't let me say it, I kept quiet. They suffered the consequences.

Me too...and yet WE get criticized when we do it.

In the NT world, for general conversation THIS. 1+

For a lecture or talk, I was told 15 mins in a classroom setting. Then you should have some sort of "ear break".

Fior got in so much trouble at work for not knowing how to converse and doing the National Public Radio monologue. It doesn't help he talks in a montone, and makes him sound condescending.

I've timed Fior, he can talk MINIMUM 1 hour with no break, and something as mundane as

Person 1 "Weather's glorious today."

Fior "Well, it's because of the jet stream....."then 30 mins of off tangential rambles about weather solar flares and who knows what else.

Fior does the monologue because his social anxiety is so severe. He panics. He can't read body language. He tries to fill up the air with words, every minute detail so he won't be judged lacking. Conversation isn't like defending a thesis. The other person will ask questions if they are interested.

We've worked together on this issue. Now, if he is going into "detail mode", on what is considered small talk, I'll butt in and ask why he thinks I need to know that.

His monologues are now 10 mins long instead of an hour. He would literally ramble for an hour. People at parties would walk away, come back, walk away, or worse yet pick a fight because they thought he was being an arrogant ass.

If people are walking away or talking over you, check how long you spoke without stopping. I find 10 mins is the upper limit for anyone engaged in small, and not letting the other person chime in.

If you talk in a monotone, professor voice like Fior, it's even less.

I speak very quickly, in an attempt to overcome this, and it STILL happens.