How do you know when you meet the right boy/girl?

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I mean..right to have a relationship with, not necessarily the man/woman of your life...

well, I'm 21 and I never had a relationship. I just had some flirts but I get scared every time it happens. I always think flirts are not for me..I don't like when perfect strangers pretend interest on me :\ and I don't like flirts (sometimes I don't get when someone is flirting or, if I get it, I really don't know how to behave). I usually run away and I avoid to have a date with that person.

there are lots of reasons why I hate dates:

- I don't feel comfortable in romantic situations (I tend to treat everyone like a friend and I REALLY can't flirt)

- I don't want him to pay for me (because I don't want to feel in debt).

- small talks !

- a lot of non verbal rules I don't know

- I don't understand what the other person is thinking, so I don't know if he/she likes me or if I'm just a possible f**k

- I'd have to take a decision based on few hours of date ( the other person would like to know if I want to see him again or not...and..it's a difficult decision for me , because I need a long time to become attached to a person or to feel attraction).

(I consider myself as demisexual/panromantic or a freak like that ).. so I need time.




Okay, now my question. How do you know if you may fall in love/feel attraction for someone you don't know very well? especially after only after few hours of date? or after 2-3 dates? (that's the time socially acceptable to take a decision..I think)

ps. I tend to fall in love with friends but....they are friends so hands-off! Once I said to a friend I had a crush for him and it was the worst experience ever! he broke my heart and I won't do it anymore.

Do you think hanging out with other aspies would help me? I only have one aspie friend (met by chat and then in real life) and I feel really in sync with him (I never feel a similar connection for a NT). Should I stop meet NTs?

Any suggestion for a basket case like me?

I don´t know really, but I wish I could dates like you.

Where do you meet those guys?

I believe you can never really now. Things change, people change, you may learn stuff about a person that you don't like.

But for the moment it just has to feel good. It's not a rational thing, it's a feeling. If that person gives you a good feeling and enriches your life at that particular moment it's worth to go on. And that go on can mean a next date, a start of a relationship or something more serious.

But it's a good thing to let a guy pay for you at the first dates, just go for the more cheap dates. It shows so much when a guy wants to pay for you: He wants to impress you, he may like you in a romanic way (splitting bills = friendzone) and the rest I don't know. I have a book about how to act as a woman when you want to attract guys and there was a part in it about paying for dates.

And understand, you only have to make a decision for a next date. And than for the date after that, etc. And when the time comes for something more serious you will know if that's what you want or not. But understand, the decision you make is not one for life. You can always change your mind. It's not that you have to marry the guy right away.

I stopped taking dates too seriously, that way I can relax more and just enjoy the time I spend with someone. Whether it's going to work out or not.

And I have one Aspie friend (but I just don't feel sexually attracted to the guy, so he stays just a friend) and I feel much more of connection with him compared to my ex boyfriends (NT and one ADHD).