Do you feel emotionally detached from others?

Page 1 of 2 [ 17 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Nick22
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jun 2013
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 123

07 Aug 2013, 4:06 pm

For me it's as if I can do all the small talk (often hard work), sympathy etc. but it's like I'm going through the motions, being phony and getting away with it, whereas other people I observe seem to do these things because they are genuinely involved and "into" the situation in a far more engaged sense. I used to think it was because I was frightened to show too much of the hidden side of myself, but now I think it is because I just don't see interactions with others as "that real" (it's not to say I treat it as a game, I always show respect, but when I engage with people it's a bit like that childhood fantasy where you imagine everyone else is a figment of your imagination apart from you, the only real person). Does anyone else feel this way?



Shakarians
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jul 2013
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 60

07 Aug 2013, 4:25 pm

I'm the same. I don't do well with small talk. I don't see a reason for it. It's just to cover up silence, and that's all. I would much rather talk about something interesting instead of the weather or what's up with me at the moment ('cause of course I never tell them anything important).

As for the whole sympathy deal, I don't think it's just Aspies that do that (going through the motions) but Neurotypicals as well, to a lesser extent. People are never really affected unless it's directly related to them.

I could see someone being truly involved if the other person is a close friend, but a stranger? Nah, just being polite.


_________________
My Tumblr:
http://hotokegi.tumblr.com/


Annaliina
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jul 2013
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 122
Location: United States

07 Aug 2013, 4:26 pm

I do.

Unless it involves on interest, or a deep, obvious emotion, I'm detatched. Most people seem to have a default emotion, and so many in between just the clear cut sad, happy, mad, etc. I absolutely cannot relate. I've been in-between. I physically cannot grasp the concept of it.

I just go through the motions with people.

It's heartbreaking the few times I figure out that they were really feeling something during our interactions, and I wasn't. People get attatched to me, but people usually bore me, so it's a bad thing.

It's hard being this way. I've only ever felt love twice in my life. I don't and can't feel anything for even my family. I know plenty of autistics do, but I can't. It's just so hard to find people who truly engage me; the real me, not the pretend me.



benh72
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2013
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 389

07 Aug 2013, 4:32 pm

I struggle. Daily.
Sometimes it's like the empathy button has been clicked, and I can feel everything, whether it's watching TV, a movie, talking to someone, or listening to someone discussing something on the radio.
Other times I just can't dial in; and it could be a neighbour, my mother in law, my psychologist, or my wife. if I'm not feeling the connection at that moment I'm just not able to empathise.
I may feel that it's something I should care about, but I just can't force myself to do it.
I can sometimes force myself to do small talk, but it feels contrived, fake, and pointless, and I am more likely to barge into a conversation about an issue of concern to me, than start with pleasantries like the weather or something light.
I'm more likely to discuss the state of my mother in law's dementia with my neighbour at the washing line, than to talk about the new doctor in doctor who (he is also a fan).
I don't know what to do about this, whether it's hard wired into my brain, or there is something I can do to have more control, but for now that's just the way it is.



Nick22
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jun 2013
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 123

07 Aug 2013, 4:34 pm

Thanks. That's useful. Yes, sometimes I can do it a bit too well, and am left having to make some ridiculous excuse for not going for some follow on drinks/meal when a) I'd much rather read about something I'm interested in and b) am already mentally exhausted with the effort I've been making to keep the conversation going.



benh72
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2013
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 389

07 Aug 2013, 4:54 pm

You're far from alone Nick, and in this regard, we all empathise with you!



AspieWolf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Apr 2010
Age: 74
Gender: Male
Posts: 657
Location: Out of my mind. Back in 10 minutes.

07 Aug 2013, 9:03 pm

I have the same problem. In most cases I can only respond intellectually and not emotionally. I have noted though, that I have a great deal more emotional response to the loss of my pets and other animals, than to people, even family members. But then, I have always related more to animals than people.


_________________
"A man needs a little madness...or else...he never dares cut the rope and be free."
Nikos Kazantzakis, ZORBA THE GREEK

Some of us just have a little more madness than others!


vanhalenkurtz
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 May 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 837

08 Aug 2013, 3:16 am

Neurotypical protocol
is linguistic aerosol
effulging triplicate
tickertape w/ centrifugal
friction. Did I say
something emotional.


_________________
ASQ: 45. RAADS-R: 229.
BAP: 132 aloof, 132 rigid, 104 pragmatic.
Aspie score: 173 / 200; NT score: 33 / 200.
EQ: 6.


neilson_wheels
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Mar 2013
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,463
Location: London, Capital of the Un-United Kingdom

08 Aug 2013, 3:19 am

^ Nice. ^



Soul_Doubt
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jun 2013
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 38
Location: UK

08 Aug 2013, 3:57 am

I've had people randomly crying in front of me about their problems and me feeling nothing. Not that I want to feel nothing emotionally for them, I do see why they are in a bad situation etc and can offer advice but it just doesn't make me feel anything.

I have also been told I am very unsympathetic because I don't act it.. it is really maddening because I find it difficult to show that I am being sympathetic, I guess people don't want advice when they are seeking sympathy but at the time it is all I can think of to say.

Then what really perplexes me is I can be watching a random program on the TV and if a character dies very occasionally I can feel intensely upset about it which makes no sense.


_________________
The breath of the morning.. I keep forgetting.. the smell of the warm summer air


Dillogic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,835
Location: Valproate Street and Thorazine Lane

08 Aug 2013, 4:11 am

Noooooooooooooo, I love you all.



Jasper1
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2011
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 201

08 Aug 2013, 7:55 am

The older I get the more detached from people I feel. I don't mind. Always having emotions running through me is tiring.



jamieevren1210
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 May 2011
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,344
Location: 221b Baker St... (OKAY! Taipei!! Grunt)

08 Aug 2013, 8:59 am

Yes I do. I also suck at small talk. Actually small talking means me talking. I think I'm a dick to be around but apparently all the other people don't notice.
I have compassion but no, not empathy really. I'd make a good emergency surgeon or paramedic.
I don't get emotionally sympathetic yet I do care about my closest friends. A lot.
Sometimes it makes me wonder, who really has Asperger's? Me or the rest of the world?


_________________
Will be off the internet for some time. I'm challenging myself to stop any unnecessary Internet activity. Just to let you know...


Aspendos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2012
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,673
Location: Switzerland

08 Aug 2013, 11:43 am

Very little empathy; avoiding small talk as much as possible; only time I was able to connect to someone it started out at the intellectual level and that's what I then responded to emotionally; unfortunately, most people are just not intellectually stimulating.



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,645
Location: Maidstone, UK

08 Aug 2013, 11:48 am

I don't feel emotionally detached to other people. I just look emotionally detached to other people because of being so shy. If I could speak up a bit more and have more self-confidence, I know I would be able to show that I'm emotionally attached much better.


_________________
Female
Aged 29
On antidepressants
Diagnosed with AS, ADHD and anxiety disorder