Why are guys so obsessed with losing their virginity?
The_Face_of_Boo
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For religious girls, just replace "virginity" with "relationship experiences" and you have the same dynamics. They see a guys with no relationship experience like how non-religious girls would see a virgin guy.
If they ask me what's the one thing that ALL the girls I have dated have in common, my answer would be every time: They ALL care whether the guy is dating has previous relationship experience, asking about previous relationships is something they all do on a first date. (Another thing they ALL have in common is the height preference, many surveys show a striking 99% to 100% of girls preferring taller guys, while guys have more flexibility/tolerance regarding height and even weight - that what stats show, not inventing that).
And when they know you're old enough and don't have much experience, they start questioning you suspiciously.
It seems to me that society in general could maybe do itself a favour, by having different interpretations of "virginity" and "sex".
Presently, in many western societies, the prevalent view is the "traditional" one ; that the only type of sex which "counts" is vaginal intercourse.... and that until a person has done that, they are considered to be a "virgin".
Not only is this offensive to many people (in particular, gay people) but it somewhat trivialises non-intercourse sexual activity, compared to intercourse.
neilson_wheels
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All of this is the key to male sexual behaviour through natural selection. Hoping for a fundamental change in this is like asking an Aspie to change into an NT.
These behaviours are enforced by the tradition of patriarchy and now by the pop culture stereotypes of "players" and "b*****s". The brainwashing is happening everyday with each new song and video produced. By the time kids reach puberty most are fully programed.
I didn't realise that. I would have figured that it is rude to ask a person about their previous relationships especially on a first date. Dealing with other human beings is just so difficult sometimes.
I had a conversation with a friend a few years ago when I was still in my late 20s and I said to her "all the guys I meet have had girlfriends. I am at the beginning and they are all somewhere in the middle. How do I find someone like me who is just beginning to work out how to have a relationship?" So you never know you might meet a woman like that who needs someone in the same place as her. Someone dreading you asking her about her previous relationship experience because she doesn't have any.
with the advent of the internet, and with all the "true sex" videos springing up to combat the false conceptions of porn, there is no need to say one way or another. Had the internet been in existence before I got married, I woud have known where and what a clitoris was and the real ways to please a woman, not the contoritionistic commercial lies promoted by pornography.
thank God I realized the lies before having sex with my wife, elsewise I might have tried to bend her into a pretzel and say stupid porno phrases like "take this c*** up your ***, you b****!", then be left to wonder why we were getting divorced the next day when porn leads men to believe that women want that garbage.
Back on topic. I think that women, in general, are more emotional than men. and men in general, are more physical than women, exceptions not withstanding. Add that to both the percieved social pressure to "be a stud", AND the inept social tendencies of those with AS AND the secondary anxiety, and you have some AS guys worried that their tallywhacker will freeze up or fall off if they don't start using it on a regular basis (yet another lie that was widely circulated when I was a teen). So I think some guys just gotta have the emotional satisfaction that they arent a flop in the relationship zone and they equate not only sex, but successful sexual relationships with that. That was my understanding as a young man. It took many years for me to start to understand that my wife's differences (more interest in emotional displays than sexual) were not rejection or disappointment in my male performance, but rather a difference in conceptions of love and intimacy.
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The_Face_of_Boo
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I had a conversation with a friend a few years ago when I was still in my late 20s and I said to her "all the guys I meet have had girlfriends. I am at the beginning and they are all somewhere in the middle. How do I find someone like me who is just beginning to work out how to have a relationship?" So you never know you might meet a woman like that who needs someone in the same place as her. Someone dreading you asking her about her previous relationship experience because she doesn't have any.
I've dated a girl once who kept talking about her previous guy (Mohamad I think he was called) - I've learned what he worked, what he did for living, his ambitions, how he looks like, how tall he is (he is so taaalll), how many brothers and sisters he has...etc
when she asked me afterward how I found the first meetup I was like "I felt I was dating Mohammad" lol - her reaction was hostile but it was so amusing.
I would certainly discourage men from trying to learn about what pleases real-life women by watching highly paid prostitutes (who're often high on hard drugs) having sex to a script.
Most women would like to have the kind of sex which doesn't need to be subsidised by £100 or more, in order to be remotely worth doing
Most women would prefer not to have to take a considerable quantity of drugs before a sexual encounter, just to make it bearable.
And, most women would be appalled if they were expected to follow some dodgy porn-director guy's script throughout.... or if they were expected to have sex in front of a full film-crew.
I doubt that many women would be keen to have their sexual activity uploaded to the internet for any random goon to wank over, either.
Most prostitutes do what they're doing because it pays well.
Most of them wouldn't want to be doing their job for free, any more than a person who works as a sewer cleaner or call-centre employee would want to be doing their job without pay.
Some have a masochistic streak ; often because of being the victims of abuse.
Some of them have a pathological addiction to sex.
Some are attracted to the supposed glamour and fame of being a porn star.
But, it's worth bearing in mind that most ordinary women aren't sexually masochistic or pathologically addicted to sex, and aren't charging their partners for sexual activity.
Last edited by Ladywoofwoof on 11 Aug 2013, 12:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The_Face_of_Boo
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Under UK law virginity is defined in terms of specifically has a person had intercourse or not.
And, intercourse is defined as being a mechanical process whereby a man inserts their penis into a vagina and thrusts back and forth for at least three minutes.
Neither person has to orgasm, nobody has to learn anything meaningful from the activity, and nobody has to even enjoy the activity for it to be defined as intercourse.
Some people (of both genders) lose their virginity by being raped.
Do many people really care that much about whether a person has (or has not) lost their virginity, when it's presently defined in such a meaningless way ?
Perhaps there should be a poll, indeed...
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