Why are guys so obsessed with losing their virginity?

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PEOPLE's judgement of the worth of a PERSON is based on THAT PERSON's sexual presentment, sexual orientation, and overall sexual sophistication!! !

Are we all finished now? Can we stop with this stupid re-editting of each other's posts? Have we all grown up yet?

Boys and girls are under hormonal, societal, cultural, familial and peer pressures to lose their virginity before they've learn sexual responsibility, and usually before they even know what healthy relationships are all about.

It's a miserable way to live, but it's what we have.

Now, does anyone else have a cure for this sad, sordid state of affairs?

Try being a teenager who was definitely interested in sex with girls, but who: (1) Was not interested in sports, hunting, fishing, fighting or getting into trouble; and (2) Was interested in cooking, baking, science-fiction and wearing nice clothes - THAT is another recipe for being labeled "Gay".

dont forget that in this day and age of western modernization the media portrays any virgin male as weak and undesirable. Much media portrays men as glorified animals. plus men (in general) are more affected by their sex hormones than women (there are always exception). parade sexually suggestive images in front of them, tell them that they are weak for not "getting any" and you have not only insecurity but dissatisfaction. Perhaps we could change society to stop obsessing over sex so much in the media, the way we dress, the way we court, etc. that would help a lot

Of course we haven't.


The weight of peer pressure, and developing resilience against it is a fairly universal phenomenon. Granted it can be more painful for some, but it's not exclusive to any group.

Tell me about it. I learned cooking from my mother, cleaning. Always dressed nice. never learned to fight until after I got out of the military. Everyone always mocked me with "you're going to make someone a good wife".

I know ... but it needed saying.

Heh, I've gotten that one, too.

Yes. The old order of no sex before marriage and carefully controlled courting with well-specified rules. I think I was born two centuries too late for all sorts of damned reasons. I doubt I would even have developed autism then before the advent of technology and chemicals. And life would have been so much easier with more societal control and more clearly spelled-out rules and structures.

I think I would do very well for so many different reasons in a traditional Muslim or Puritan culture. Modern fundamentalist Christians are just uneducated rubes. f**k them. But I still think I'd have had a much better life in 16th century Massachusetts or 8th century Saudi Arabia.

Well, that's all well and good for you.

Now, how to solve the problem for everyone, without imposing Puritanical oppression or Sharia Law?

I remember a talk show about former southern baptist ministers (man and wife) turned egyptian religion where the wife was the chief priestess, they had other priestesses and the religion believed the priestessess absorbed the mens sins through sex and were then purged of sin through menstration. I bet they had a lot of male parishners. They had confessions during sex as well so it was probably like a time share wife. I bet that caused conflicting emotions, but probably not loneliness.

Why are guys obsessed with loving their virginity...

...hmm...did you know that telling a woman you are a virgin after your twenties is the best way to send her packing? I honestly had to lie to get a piece of ace the first time. Happened to me once, and that's as many times as it takes for me not to repeat a major mistake.

But was this just sex or did you want a relationship with her? I have brought this up before. But it seems to be that I am focussed on finding a person I like and men are focussed on sexual encounters. I know all that argument for, boys will be boys, it's just how men are wired, men's hormones make them just want sex yada yada...

But my concern is that they are missing out on something of more value by focussing on the need to peform the sex act. It seems to be portrayed by our culture that you aint a man if you don't use women for sex regardless of whether a man wants to be loved or not. It's just that this section is called "Love and Dating", not "Lets complain about not having sex". I wonder if men are brainwashed into believing that they are not allowed to admit that they need to be loved as individual human beings.

I dunno, you're probably on WP's L&D in some another dimension; most threads started by men here are about love, dating, looniness, a crush, Nice Guy, gender roles...etc and not 'complaining abt not having sex'.

Look at page 1 and 2 of this board and point me the threads (started by males) about sex - hint: there's only one started by Kurgan out of whole 2 pages of threads.

Not necessarily. For a man, having a woman have sex with him (or even things like making out or letting him touch her breasts) is the ultimate, fully convincing sign of liking/love. Anyone can say they like/love someone, while only liking them as a friend, or even secretly despising them. Even romance can be faked; any sociopath can put together a candlelit dinner and a long walk on the beach, after having read a book on how to do it. But physical acts of intimacy cannot be faked, never at all. At least not for women. (Keep reading.)

I suppose this is one area (if not the only area) where men have an advantage in the dating world. Men have the ability to lower their standards get intimate with people they're not attracted to, when they feel it's their only option. I've done that in most dates/relationships I've had (except when hiring escorts). Women, on the other hand, do not have the ability to lower their standards and get intimate with people they're not attracted to, although they usually don't have to do it in the first place. So, if a man is dating and getting intimate with a woman, he can be 100%, beyond-all-doubt sure that she likes/loves him. But if a woman is dating and getting intimate with a man, there can be a lingering doubt whether his feelings are real or if he's using his standards-lowering ability to get intimate with her.

So, the advantage is: while women have guaranteed chances of getting sex, men have guaranteed feelings during the sex they already got.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 11 Aug 2013, 10:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sorry Boo I didn't mean anyone to take what I said as an insult. It's just one or two comments here and there that bother me. Ultimately it stems from my insecurity about never knowing if I am being used or not.

Aspie1 that is a very interesting perspective. The person I am feeling confused about knows me very well and reading your comments he knows I don't throw my affection around. He's had to fight and fight to get this far. He was hurt once when I wouldn't even share a sandwich with him. I guess getting affection from me are a sure fire way of him knowing that I do care about him, poor guy...

I'm a horrible cynical person I know.

... if she's the kind of person, who thinks that's the top piority in choosing a partner.

Obviously, many women are above that sort of thing.