auntblabby wrote:
I have Asian genes as well from my Japanese mother. I think I have just as much estrogen in me as testosterone based on how easy it is for me to gain weight if I don't mind my p's and q's.
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yeah i used to wish i was japanese. japan has cooler martial arts. jujitsu, karate, aikido, kendo. chinese has the weird wushu and kungfu.
the other thing is that japanese names are easier for english speakers to pronounce than chinese names are for english speakers to pronounce.
it is hard for me to gain muscle or fat. no matter how much i workout, can't gain muscle. high school cross country. used to lift weights 2x/week. for six years or so. no visible difference.
gaining fat though. it is hard for me to gain fat. but if i gorge, several times a week, beyond comfort. well past full. then yeah i do gain weight. when i was 20, went from 120 to 135 pounds in 10 weeks. that was a nightmare. but to get there had to gorge a lot. more than once, ate the "muffin"like part of an entire loaf of berry bread. once ate more than half an eight inch apple pie in one sitting.
paranoid that i will gain a lot of weight again.
b/c bad things happen. and i am really bad at dealing with stress and pressure
coping
quite frankly i mean sure though. yeah i have coped with gender identity disorder and autism. and flunked structural engineering.
but what about what if/when i get physically or sexually assaulted? what if i get raped?
what if i end up homeless? what if i can't afford room and board? what if $$ runs out and noone will make the mistake of hiring my worthless corpse?
then what?
what if i get struck by a car?
what if i get bit by a dog?
what if i get diseases and disabilities?
what if i get sent to jail?
b/c the thing is, "life" is "As Good As it Gets."
and in the united states, the financially poor are often much fatter than the financially rich.
in other countries, in other eras, it was the opposite.
yeah i am just so mentally tired. and emotionally fragile
and the older i get the more things i am afraid of. the stronger the fear.
and quite frankly i do not feel like i can trust nobody. b/c almost everyone i ever interacted with ended up betraying me when i came out as Trans when i started Gender Therapy in 2004.