Is self-defeat a common trait among Aspie relationships?

Post Reply New Topic

I find that self-defeat is common on this forum period, and I'm not just talking about relationships. It's easy to understand why: many people here have had little success in either dating, friendships, with employment, with school, or what have you. The less success you have, the harder it is to remain optimistic or to be ambitious about the future. That is one reason that the whole thing about "confidence" is tough for a lot of people...you have to be successful in some way to have confidence. If you have never had any measure of success in a particular task, it is impossible to truly be confident about performing it. You can try to develop skills so that you do become more successful at said task, and in turn gain confidence, but if the task actually requires confidence to achieve success then it is very easy to end up stuck in a vicious cycle.

I think that this is what holds many people around here back more than anything. If you have a low opinion of yourself, or if you think you will fail before you even begin, chances are you will. Unfortunately I don't know what the best solution is, and if I did I'm sure I'd be a multimillionaire by now . But I do know, from personal experience, that changing one's mindset is one of the most important steps you can take towards living a happier and more fulfilling life, and success often follows with it.

Would all of this explain why some Aspies disappear in otherwise good relationships/friendships?

A most curious thread.

Aspiemike asks "Is self-defeat a common trait among Aspie relationships?"
yes, I think so, for the reasons you state and more.

I can't figure out what LeLetch is talking about.

IlovemyAspie, what do you mean Aspies disapear? In what way do they disapear?

LeLetch likes to go on tangents from time to time. Even he admits that in some of his posts. I like to try and make my point.

I have disappeared in good relationships/friendships and may offer some illogical/flimsy excuses for doing so. That is saying that I will say anything at all.
Usually something overwhelming happens and they may do something that ultimately rejects them of happiness.

Jeez i know right? This LeLetch guy needs to be more NT.

As for self-defeatism, in the context as i understand it from the previous posts... aspies burn-out and they're very self-concious of it.

We can do great things, but we put so much in, too much, we focus in the extreme because we can't help ourselves. It happens so often to some, its just accepted as a fact of life, and haters are told to **** right off.
We go back to isolation and brood, making everything a terrible mess.

The sprint to burnout cycle gets better over time. In a relationship anyway. The worst thing you can do to a burnout aspie is trip balls. The reaction back at you can be vicious. If he/she is tired, and is tapped out of love for the moment, it's not hard to forget you ever wanted a relationship.

If you throw a bunch of nonsensical emotions at a burnout aspie, they'll generally just calmly pick you apart. Aspie relationships fall apart alot since an aspie burnout tends to result in lots of screaming and crying (from the shocked NT partner). Exactly the opposite of the correct approach.

A common mistake is thinking an aspie is naturally as passionate and emotional as he/she portrays in a relationship. Usually, they're on overdrive. The self-destruction cycle started Wwwwaaayyyy before you see the burnout.

Generally. Assuming we're talking about the focus > burnout > guilt cycle. We probably are.

There. Letch came back to earth just for ya'll.