Fascinated with Death

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My 9 year old ASD son has a new obsession that is disturbing to both my husband and I. He is obsessing over dying, more specifically, what happens when you die. I have caught him with his hands around his throat squeezing so hard that he started to gag. He said that he wanted to know what happens to the body when you die, which even though I tried to explain it, he doesn't seem to stop obsessing about it. He hasn't ever said he wants to die because he is sad it's only because he is curious. He cries and says he is sorry because he would never want to leave us, but he says he can't help it.

Another thing that has happened is that he says he wants to choke the new puppies we got. He said they irritate him and just want them to stop. But again, when I confront him with what that really means, pain and suffering for them, he cries really hard and says that he couldn't do that, it's his "evil side" that makes him have these thoughts.

I am at a loss. I am waiting to hear back from the doctor's office, but am I overreacting? This seem to come out of nowhere and we just don't know what to do. I feel like everything I say is wrong and I am not helping him. Any help, advise, past experience will be greatly appreciated.

A common perception on the spectrum views death as a more integral part of life than most cultures acknowledge. I may be overstepping my own ideals here, but I think you need to explain to your son that he's exploring more of the human condition than he gives himself credit for, and that violence isn't necessary for him to learn these lessons. What he needs is patience to address death as it relates to him less directly over time, and to project his fearlessness towards it more positively in the face of difficult losses. Also it wouldn't hurt to go play with your dogs together!

maybe consider reading [ahead of time] and slowly feeding out to him, Sherwin Nuland MD's book, "how we die."

I think you also need to mention to him that this preoccupation most likely belies a broader talent for and interest in physiology. You need to warn him about the various dangers of self-experimentation early on, and I believe this could take a turn directly into medicine or academia.

I hesitate to give advice on this because on the one hand it could evolve into something productive as stated by others and on the other hand it could dissolve into something not so healthy. You also want to be careful not to drive it underground. You want to be able to keep knowing what is going on in his head. I would probably wait until I heard from a professional as to what to do.

Your son could be anything from a philosopher to a sociopath. He could be easily distracted by another obsession when he finds it, and forgets about "death", or he could be obsessed with it and become a serial killer.

One thing is for certain. This is a serious matter. Definitely don't look for advice on Internet forums. Listen to real-life psychologists ONLY.

This may be the very type of grounded perspective you need, but I think outlining it in such terms could also be detrimental. This is a delicate situation, monsterland is right that one diagnosis can't relate to the as-yet nonexistant ones. That said, the more comfortable your son's existence is, the less likely this is to happen. I don't mean material comforts either, your son needs help to recognize his neglected power of self control.

I would keep an eye on him; the impulse to kill animals is part of what's known as the "McDonald's triad," or "homicidal triad". It's one of the indicators in young children that suggest psychopathic leanings. Setting fires and bedwetting are the other two (have no idea what the last one has to do with anything). I doubt it's as serious as that, but you'll want to be aware of the possibility on the off-chance.