Getting Nowhere But Depressed

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Hello there, Wrongplanet people

I have run myself into a bit of a predicament. Back during the summer, I started "liking" this one girl in a romantic way that I had known from a long time ago. During mid-August (August 12th) I believe, one of my friends figured out that I had a vested interest in this girl. He told me I should tell her I like her, and go for it (ask her out and stuff). I was extremely anxious, but I obliged. Now, I started talking to this girl over Facebook excessively. I suppose you could say we developed a good internet friendship. We had also Skyped a couple of times. Over this course, I explained to her my problems with excessive rambling about certain topics. She told me to not worry, and she finds that "cute" when people do that. I also somewhat told her about my AS diagnosis, but I didn't really elaborate very much on that. I believe she shares some traits of Asperger Syndrome, but she likely wouldn't qualify for a diagnosis herself.

Anyways, fast forward 2 months. We were only able to meet up once, and that was at the local mall when she was getting her hair cut. We aren't really able to meet up that often due to the fact that she lives over half an hour out of town, and neither of us drive. She is rarely here by herself, but whatever. She told me that she would be interested in "perhaps being more than friends" though, but I can't seem to work that out. I see her as perfect as humanly possible. She is beautiful on both the inside and outside. She is an incredibly smart girl, and her and I think alike. The problem here is that I feel like s**t about this whole situation. I am unable to express my feelings to her because they are so metaphysical and difficult to explain. I told her I loved her once, but that may have been perceived as having been in a joking manner. When I talk to her, she is so beautiful and I love her so much that I become so anxious and talk in a monotone robotic quiet voice, and I don't think she understands how much I love her. I really want to explain to her that I am sorry for how I seem to behave, and how I annoy her (I do, for sure. Even past her threshold.) but I can't put it into words in the context of our conversations. I feel so bad for the lack of effort I put in on my part and how I come across to her. I love her more than anything, but I can't depict it. I am now here, crying, writing this post wondering how I should approach a relationship with her. I wrote this letter that would be addressed to her, and that tells me exactly how I feel:

"I am sorry I can't communicate with you adequately. I am sorry I may come off as rude and inconsiderate. I am sorry I may bore you to death with facts and ramble on about topics I am aware you don't care about. I love you deeply. You are my world. When I spend any period of time without you, you are always on my mind. Your pretty face. Your amazing personality. Your intelligence, and acceptance. Every time I talk to you, you make me feel special like I never feel otherwise. However, I can't read you. I can't tell when you're dissatisfied with me, or otherwise unhappy. I really wish I was capable of doing this, but I am not. I wish I could be better. I try to be better. However, it never really works out that way. I feel like I am letting you down. I wish I could arrange for us to meet up one day. It would be amazing. That one time I saw you recently in person, I am sorry I sounded so monotone and robotic and behaved as if I didn't care. The reason I did this was because inside, my heart was melting down with my brain and I was literally speechless at your sheer beauty. Your laugh, your smile. Everything about you is perfect to the extent that is humanly achievable, and sometimes seems beyond that. I love you, *********, and I am extremely sorry for my inability to express this."

This is leaving me depressed and feeling stuck "between a rock and a hard place". I need some advice here. I also apologize for lack of structure, and any grammatical, spelling, and punctuation errors incurred. I am just rather emotionally frustrated at the moment.

SEND HER THE LETTER ASAP!! !
btw, welcome to WP

Aspergers in love by Maxine Aston. Good for both of you

Whoa there! Let's step back and analyze things for a minute.

You mention several times in your post that you are sorry for the way you act around her, and basically apologize for being yourself. But in the same post, you mention that she likes the very aspects about you that you are apologizing for, and that she even said that she wished to progress the relationship further. What indication do you have that any of your actions have annoyed or frustrated her? If she said that she was interested in being more than friends, that is basically a green light, and a sign that she is fairly interested in you.

Second, you are professing your undying love for someone you've only met once. In the 1700s, that would probably be considered the definition of romantic and you'd be married within the week. Today, it may very well give you a cold shoulder and a "creepy" label. I'm not saying absolutely not to tell her that you love her, but you have to be extremely cautious using that word outside the confines of a serious, long-term relationship. It seems to me that a 4-month serious relationship is about the minimum before people start throwing words like "love" around comfortably, but it is highly dependent on the people involved, the relationship, and the interest levels between them. There are plenty of words you can use to indicate your interest in her without throwing the "love" one out there. And if you think really hard, is it really love? Or is it simply lust? It can often be quite difficult to differentiate the two with someone you've recently met.

So in summary, don't apologize for your actions or for being who you are, unless it is very clear that you have somehow offended her. And be incredibly wary about using the word "love". But from your post it sounds like things are going great between you two, and from my perspective I see no reasons to feel anything but hopeful about your situation. I'll be wishing you the best!

It sounds like you have a pretty descent chance with her. She's still talking to you on the computer all this time and she's the one who suggested you should be more than friends.

As for the letter, maybe she'll just think it's one of your cute quirks but who knows. Don't put her on a pedestal though. It will make it to hard to interact with her and could make you even nervous around her. You seek to become her partner, not her worshiper. Just remember that no human being ever born was perfect.

Be warned however that she may like the way you act online, not the way you act in person. Shy guys can be a lot more confident at a keyboard.

If you really want to improve your chances with her the best thing you can do is get driving lessons. You'll be able to see her whenever you want and it'll make you look cooler. Drive her over to your place it will give you an extra 90 minutes with her each way.

Good luck!

I'm not sure about the letter. Some of the sentiments might just be overpowering to her, at this stage. The letter could be a good idea to date, put it in an envelope and show it to her at a later date.

I'd just try and chill a bit, and actually enjoy her company, and do something about seeing her more. Your feelings are powerful, but if you are not careful they could overheat things. Your emotional frustration might just bring things to a place they don't belong. Deal with that side of things - and putting anyone on a pedestal is dangerous. Retro says it well, above. You say you love her - well, try and see things from her point of view a bit, too. Should she have to deal with your emotional frustration?

If you do that, I think that everything should take care of itself And if it doesn't, well, life does go on.

It is better to show less emotion then it is to be over emotional. You haven't done anything annoying yet from what you have put into the post so chill and go with it. The normal apsie problem is over thinking it which you are.

I'm in a similar situation but on the other side, if you see what I mean. I'm a NT girl who has strong feelings for a Aspie guy and sometimes I can't help feeling like he's not that into me. Reading your post brought a tear to my eye. Seriously, if I knew he felt the same way you do about your girl but just found it incredibly difficult to admit it, then I'd understand everything. What you say about feeling you are annoying her, making little effort, being unable to communicate properly. To me it explains everything about how my guy is feeling and behaving but I hadn't understood up until now.

OK, so it might not be a good idea to declare your undying love for her just yet, as a previous poster said there are other less intense ways of showing you care for her. She seems to be very understanding and interested in you so really I don't think you should be worried. Wishing you the best of luck, I think you're gonna be OK.