Should I drop my longtime friend?

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I will be the 1st to admit I'm not the greatest judge of character....

I have a friend that I've known for 10 years. We have a lot in common; Taste in music, film, and sense of humor. We are also both engineers, though I'm a software engineer and he's an audio engineer. The friendship started out great. We would hang out a few times a week. sometimes late into the night just playing games and watching movies. The only difference between us is that he smokes marijuana, almost all day and i've never done drugs in my life. Recently, I have started to see why others don't hang out with him anymore.

He has a short fuse and is quick to anger. For instance, if his parents ask him for a favor, he makes a big deal about it and complains. The way he acts is almost similar to a toddler, but he's 28! I think he is extremely disrespectful. His anger is never generally directed at me, and if it is it's usually passive aggressive. I've noticed when I hang out with him lately, I usually feel like leaving after 30 minutes or so. as stated before, I used to want to be there all the time.

He'll invite me over and generally demonstrate rude behavior. He'll just sit there playing a one player game and almost ignore me. If I try to strike up a conversation, it's generally met with a hollow one worded response. He sometimes interrupts me and says things like "you just missed what they said in the game."in a rude tone (as if i care) . It feels very disrespectful to me and I have begun to resent him for it.

He also makes hurtful comments if I disagree with him. I have confided in him about many issues that i've faced over the years. Sometimes if I disagree with him or have a different opinion, he'll take cheap shots and use what I've confided in him against me to try to marginalize my authority or knowledge on the subject. Though most of the time I know i'm right, it's just easier to just patronize him to put an end to it.

I'm starting to grow weary of the friendship and am considering ending it completely. I don't really have many friends, but I can't say I'm getting any enjoyment from being his friend any more.

Should I try to talk to him about it? Am I justified for feeling like ending the friendship?

it sounds to me as he has already burned his bridges. you deserve better.

Is your friend also on the spectrum? It could very well be he has communication deficits and that is how they sometimes manifest themselves.

I don't think he's on the spectrum. He's pretty much an extrovert and is far less rigid than I am. Those are two things that I've always admired about him. He's usually the one influencing me to step out of my comfort zone and be more spontaneous/meet people. I'm not quite sure what brought about his recent onset of negativity. I suppose I can attribute his mood swings to one thing or another. I don't know why he's lashing out at me though. I have pretty thick skin but there's only so much disrespect one person can take.

some of his symptoms are familiar to me, reminds me of the dysthymia i had about 2 decades past. eminently treatable.

I ultimately find that if you're going to have friends you're going to have to accept them with all their flaws, although as an aspie with very few friends I'm not in the habit of being able to choose, if you're in my position (with few friends) I think that you should keep him, but at worst I think maybe some time apart? Everyone as a bit of 'psycho' inside of them if you spend enough time together it always seems rears its ugly head... he needs to work through his issues for certain but I'm not sure if he should be dropped, Maybe if you give him this ultimatum? "You're starting to become a negative presense in my life, I'm not sure I should hang around you anymore".

or even when he starts to pick on you, say, "i'm going to leave until you're in a better mood." then do it.

that might be an iffy idea, if the man is anything like what i was like when i was young and rash and stupid, he might just say "good riddance!" in response.

Another thing that he does is talk badly about other people behind their back. It often makes me wonder how loyal of a friend he is when I'm not around. He is like this with everyone, his parents completely spoiled him. They bought him everything he owns including his car. He has never lived outside of his parents house (he's 28), yet he is so rude to them it's unbelievable.

He is generally a cool guy most of the time. However, if these outbursts continue I'll have no choice but to cu the whole thing off.

Depression could very well be the cause. I know when I'm depressed I tend to lash out at people, but nothing compared to him. I have a pretty cool head most of the time.

all of what you described sounds awfully familiar. if he is anything like me he has to reach a crisis point before he can be persuaded to seek help from a professional. he will likely not take advice kindly, from anybody until that point.

From what you are saying, it does not sound like he is that interested in you anymore. If he ignores you for a video game then it is a good indication of the matter.

I used to associate with a couple of people with quick tempers like that and if you notice, and it was never their fault. Your friend seems to display the same likelihood.

While it is not going to be easy, I think it may be better for you.

Yeah, I think this could be true. I now see that ignoring me during the game was just blatant disrespect and nothing more. To be perfectly honest, people that are highly emotional make me uncomfortable.

You're dead right too about him thinking he's never wrong. He's highly arrogant. He's always bragging about how well he can record things better than anyone. Personally, I tend to always look for improvement in myself, and in his mind he's gods gift. He also gets mad if you feign interest while he goes on a long winded self promotion speech. It's like he's wanting me to validate his abilities. This seems pointless to me.

He actually contacted me on FB yesterday to see if I wanted to see a movie. His brother works at the theater, so we can get free tickets. When I asked him if I could get a free ticket he informed me that he thought he could, but since 2 other people are getting in for free he couldn't now. I told him I didn't want to have to buy a ticket (it's a 3D movie) because it was expensive, but I'd be happy to meet up afterwards. He then proceeded to ignore me completely. I don't know how familiar any of you are with Facebook's messaging, but It shows whether or not someone has seen your message and if they are typing.

I can see that he saw my message and was starting to respond, but then decided to just ignore me. This is just plain confusing to me, I don't think I did anything wrong. The way things are currently, I think it might be best to just forget about him for a while. I'll leave the ball in his court.

I hope someone can persuade him in the right direction. He is very stubborn, and isn't above throwing full blown temper tantrums.

he will likely need to hit rock bottom and then start digging a while, before he could tell something was dysfunctional.

Well thanks to everyone for the advice you have given me.