An aspies worst nightmare

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I have a bit of a school problem guys, my school seems to have it in their minds that when they make us work in groups and present, it will prepare us better for the future. Of course when they decide to make these kind of changes, they don't take aspies into consideration... I don't really know what the point is of telling ya'll this, but I guess it just can get kind of Flustering. It has to do with common core and this program called "New Tech" If anyone wants to know about it.

Ugh. I hate that. Have you tried to speak to the teachers about this? You might want to get parents involved. This would just set some people up for failure.

Jack Colt: "No, waking up without my penis is my worst nightmare..."



I was never any good in group stuff at school the vast majority of the time. i was lucky in that there was always an odd number of us, so i ether got paired with the teacher or got to work alone

Oh, poor you. I think you should talk to your teacher. He/she should understand.

StevieC: Yes, waking up with out your penis would be your worst nightmare!

There seem to be a lot of threads on this forum about schools not taking Aspies into consideration.

If you really don't feel like you can handle working with a group at this time, I would discuss it with the instructor and raise your issues with them, maybe they will make arrangements more to your suiting so your grades don't suffer.

That being said, however, your school is right...I would strongly encourage you to get used to working in groups since this will be expected throughout your education (if you haven't encountered this before now) and will be the norm in the workplace, so you might as well accept it. I know it's gonna be uncomfortable, but it will get less stressful with time if you give an honest effort and you might as well practice now when it doesn't "count" so much as in the real world, cuz like I said every boss you ever have will expect you to work as part of a team at some point, if not the majority of the time. You can also ask advice from the instructor if you go ahead with it, let them know about your situation and how it makes working in groups difficult, no guarantees that they will be of any help but they may at least show some leniency on your grade if your social impairments affect the work getting done. As a last resort, if things are really tanking between you and your group I would just be upfront with them and say you have AS, what it is and how you communicate/perceive things differently, and be very sincere in telling them you are trying your best and want to work successfully but can't always think of the right things to say or know what's expected without being told so. Effort and honesty still count for something in this world, give people a chance and not always but most of the time they will cut you some slack if you are trying hard.

Don't freak out about it; it's not gonna be so bad if you give it a fair shot. Good luck.

I've had to a lot of group work throughout college, and it just kinda sucks, especially when it is something so simple that you don't need a group.

While it does suck having to work in a group, there can be positives. I met a friend and working in a group. Also, made some very casual acquaintances working in groups, which is nice because that means there are people can sit beside in class (if I have to) and "chat" with (again, if I must).

Also, I frequently found that the group was happy to let me do a majority of the mathematical analysis and/or computer programming (generally MATLab) which I loved. Then, they were happy to write up the reports, which is absolute misery for me.

Some more things I have learned from working in groups

1. The other group members will "get" the assignment much better. They can tell what the teacher cares about and is necessary to get a good grade.

A lot of people "fudge" their work. Take shortcuts, do not use the most accurate methods etc. Occasionally they cheat. Teachers seem to be aware and ok with it. It may be wrong, but seems to be expected and will save a lot of time and stress/anxiety.

Fudging is only accepted in certain amounts, on certain assignments, and by certain teachers. Most NT's will intuitively know when and how to do it. It's part of the unspoken rules and invisible language. I would not ask them about it.

Don't make yourself miserable being a perfectionist. I have before, and it's just not worth it.

And to be clear, In college CHEATING ON TESTS IS ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE.

2. In order to be part of a group, you must give up some control. Not easy, but necessary. Get comfortable with this and make your life easier.

3. Learn how to politely persuade someone they are wrong. This is very tough and extremely valuable skill, that involves a lot of subtly. Working groups give you plenty of opportunities to see NT's doing this to one another, and to practice this skill on them.

4. Sometimes you are wrong. Doesn't matter if you are the smartest person in the room you can still be wrong.

5. You are not always the smartest person. It is amazing how incredibly intelligent some people are.

6. People can surprise you. A lot of times the "dumb" guy can come up with really good solutions.


Working groups can be tough, but it can make some things easier. I still don't love it, but I'm comfortable with it. Learning how to do it well takes time. Education has gone overboard with the group mentality, being an independent worker is still a good thing.

It sounds like you are still in high school. You should know, that in college there is a lot more working in groups.

Try to stay positive, get through it, you can learn a lot of things that NT's know intuitively by working with them.

Hope this helps someone, these are all things I wished I had learned earlier.

Working in groups is something you have to do in life. It may be difficult for a person with Aspergers to do it, but just because something is difficult doesn't mean you don't have to do it.

I used to get so frustrated how in school I would be told in the 'real world' you have to work with groups all the time. They left out one important fact: unlike in school, groups at work tend to be FAR more motivated and interested in working with you rather than leeching off you. As much as we love to complain about coworkers, in the working world thugs and gang members don't huddle around the boardroom table looking to steal your work!

Yeah its called "Social Engineering", destroying individuality to make you youngsters ideal candidates for the "New World Order", just like Hitler wanted everybody to be an obedient Nazi drone, the complete opposite of the Prussian educational model which was to teach people how to think for themselves.

If I was in your position, I would do some research so that you are equipped to inform the teacher why you are against such totalitarian indoctrination programmes, why you consider individuality to be an even more useful trait, and why you want to protect yourself.
As an Aspie, you are never going to excel in Group situations, you will however be better than all the NT kids at individual or solitary en-devours, tell the teacher not to force a square peg into a round hole.

Trouble is, individuals are dangerous as they can think for themselves and employ, "critical thinking", thats why such are being discouraged.

Oh jeez, I'm very lucky to be going to my school.

My principal goes directly to students themselves before making a decision, so nothing goes by us that hasn't been approved. On Monday he came into my class and asked us how we felt about arming our teachers with guns, and we were able to convince him that a concealed weapon or a tazer with a gun stash somewhere would be better than having all the teachers be armed.

I won't disagree that school group work is worse than real world group work, but I've worked in groups with trouble makers at work.

Working as part of a team can be stressful but in the instance in hand, the course leader should of course be made aware of the difficulties you might face in performing a team task. And of course, team work is about mutual co-operation, so other team members should be aware of and responsive to your communicative and interactive needs. Team work shouldn't necessarily require mob mentality.

I never liked it, still don't in my Masters classes.

There was one year though.... the teacher knew I rather would work alone, and he had two other students who probably shouldn't have been allowed to touch ANYTHING in that chemistry lab. (11th grade, IIRC.) SO, he sat us at a table, myself and two stoners, with an empty seat. Nobody who was added to the class lasted more than a few weeks in that seat...

Anyways, I controlled the labwork for my group, they stayed out of my way, and were generally amused to watch the chemical reactions without having to do the work. (I took Chem 2 the next year, and came just short of getting AP credit.)

Being put into a group where work is shared among others, uggggg. I hate that.

Do they use the words "Real World" and "Real Projects" and "Real Learning?" I know it all too well. High school was exactly that.

Presentations and group work. Barely any individual class work, even in math. How ridiculous is that? I didn't know what I was getting myself into.

Anyways. I suffer more in the area of socializing outside of school where there is no structure so I ended up thriving in the environment at school. However, that doesn't mean I made it out the same as when I went in. I had to learn how to not be so overbearing and bossy. This did not translate well with my classmates. So while you may be struggling to be more outspoken in a group, I had to force myself to take it down a notch.

Word of advice. I'd much rather be in your position as a quiet team member than someone who yells at everyone what to do. No one expects you to be amazing. The curriculum is meant to teach you how to be a leader and work on projects. Just because you struggle now (just like everyone else) doesn't mean this feeling will last forever. It is designed to make you better. You can only get better from here.

Give it a shot. Don't hesitate to mess up in front of other people. They only care about their presentation that is about to come up anyways. Just remember that everyone else has other things to worry about and don't notice everything that you do. Take deep breathes. Do your work in your group. Memorize your part of the presentation as best you can (if need be with the help of a notecard) and just give the audience the facts. It's a play almost. You have the script. You know what to expect and what to say. The audience doesn't. So if you mess up, how would they know?

This post may be all over the place, sorry. But, I hope it helps.

Ugh. Not to derail the thread but I heard this almost daily at school. In the real world, things are much harder. In the real world, you don't get summers off, In the real world....... I soon found out the "Real World" was far easier because I did not have to worry about co-workers grabbing me and assaulting me and was actually permitted to use the washroom when needed without permission from power obsessed teachers. Sure it's not all sunshine and roses, but the "Real World" is FAR easier to deal with than school. I almost felt like punching the teacher and saying "In the real world, that would have hurt but since this isn't real I can do that". I was warned that High School/University just got harder but in reality nothing was harder than Junior High and I would rather sit in a jail cell than go through that experience again.