Women and Masculinity

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I don't understand how the guy finds out the girl's girlfriends' opinions. Does the girl actually tell him: "listen, my friends think you should do X... so do it"?



I've heard males say this many times, so it's nice to hear it coming from a female. I think it's true. I resent the women who do this, but not as much as I resent the "men" who put up with it.

Where do women even learn this stuff? Do mothers seriously tell their daughters "now, when you grow up and get yourself a boyfriend, there'll be lots of stuff you have to fix, so start by ..."?



Wow. All I can say is: I would love to see the man who can be up-front about such things and still get a girlfriend.



As long as she came over ready for sex, right?

But on a serious note, I think your point is valid.

I think a large majority of the population in general (in my experience) wants people to conform to some kind of norm and will use carrots or sticks to push people there. The reason women do it in relationships is because they can, because men are typically willing to tolerate it to get what they want.

All of this, 100% agree. Except for the temper bit, as I don't get into fights with anyone, generally. But I certainly appreciate a no-drama relationship none-the-less!

Honestly if it ever gets to the "fighting" stage with me, there is something seriously wrong in the relationship (not just a "normal pitfall"). If it gets to that stage in the first few months, it means I'm dating someone who likes to pick fights, and they can go jump (luckily I've never gotten into a relationship with that sort of person).


Personally, I would appreciate this very much. Maybe not using terms like "or gtfo now", but being up-front about the things you know you want and don't want, bring it please. I enjoy having these sorts of discussion on the first or second date, and if their requirements match mine, brilliant!

If a man can't be up-front about his wants and still get a girlfriend, doesn't that just mean that his wants don't match those of the women he's dating? What's wrong with that? Isn't it better than finding out down the track, after you are both emotionally attached to one another?

Oh, nothing wrong with being up-front and discussing things, but the way Solveg's post came across is that she basically tells the man: "it's my way or the highway" (aka "or gtfo" ). The part that really amazed me was: "if I have a child it's mine and ... (I don't) want to play happy families". Perhaps I misread it, but my interpretation of that is that the child's father would have no rights whatsoever. That seems consistent with the context - polyamorous, my decision not to abort, my career, etc. I basically cannot believe that any man would agree to such terms, but since I remember Solveg posting about having a BF I can only infer that at least one man has. So instead I said that I cannot imagine a woman agreeing to such terms if the roles were reversed. Of course, it's possible that I totally misunderstood. I hope so.

I've noticed some women saying stuff like this. Like it's a good thing to be more masculine and that they're somehow superior to other women because they don't nitpick or b***h like "other women". And they say they get along with men better, when it's often competition against other women in practise!

I interpreted as Solvejg saying that she is keeping the baby ("it is mine" meaning you can't take it away from me), and he can choose whether he wants to stay or go, not that he has to go. Of course I may have misinterpreted also, but the way you have truncated her statements really changes the meaning.

this is my meaning. i guess regional linguistic understanding comes into it. Really i have the choice to keep the baby if i fell pregnant. I have zero want or desire to settle down with the man just because i was pregnant. If he wants to be a part of the kids life, he can great, i am not forcing it and if he doesn't also great, he can walk away with no parental responsibilities.

if he doesn't agree to these terms on dating, then there is the door, go date someone who has the same belief structure. I will not ever date a person with the ideology that i can change them and mold them to what i want. i will gtfo straight away.

I do not nitpic people and never have and never will. I have also not given any information about my own interpersonal relationships in my own life. The way i observe the world is to stand back and I observe in a critical scientific manner and i am often very right on the observations i observe. I think the mistake that people are trying to do here is pidgenhole me into the NT/ High functioning aspie group of individual's on here when actually the opposite is true and i am highly disabled with my AUTISM!

I am quite open about the fact i do not have a penis and i have actually pushed multiple spawn out of my vagina. I do not attach myself to any demographic as i don't think there is one that would fit me. I can be described as "Use Solvejg's real name as a verb here".

Oh we're past our 26th birthday. The point is, I decided to make some pretty major changes to my personality starting age 26, and it wasn't until I made those changes that I got any attention from women at all.

And we're not talking about unambiguously positive changes (becoming more confident, better hygiene, gym, etc). We're talking about benign parts of my personality such as my odd sense of humor, unusual gestures, and stilted manner of speech.

Now that I've learned how to wear an "NT mask" very proficiently in order to appear "normal", I get far more attention from women. And yes, that includes all the dorky, geeky girls that never used to look at me that way either...most depressing of all.

There's internalized misogyny which is actually quite prevalent. But there is also emotional maturity - and I don't know about you smudge but I see a lot of bitching and gossiping among people of both sexes and genders. If you don't play into it, it's usually a sign of one or the other.

There's internalized misogyny which is actually quite prevalent. But there is also emotional maturity - and I don't know about you smudge but I see a lot of bitching and gossiping among people of both sexes and genders. If you don't play into it, it's usually a sign of one or the other.

I see, thanks for clarifying. That seems far more reasonable than my original interpretation (though I would still choose the "gtfo" option, personally).



That's a realistic approach that I wish would be the norm.

This is what I understood from Solvejg post:



similar to this black woman sympathising with a KKK protester, protecting him even though he would never have done the same for her.

Interesting. As you say, being more confident/better hygiene is kind of a sine qua non of a well functioning person - although personally I refuse to go to a gym which to me is an ridiculous, overpriced product of modern society designed to cage you into doing exercise in an environment like a prison when there is the whole of the outdoors and walking/running for free and with a much lower density of fuckwits. But changing my sense of humour is kind of a step too far for me - when things start to encroach on my sense of individuality like that then I sort of feel being alone is a better alternative to being inauthentic. Not that I can't make people laugh, or be witty, because I can, but I refuse to make trite jokes based on obvious repetitive and dim-witted observations about the world. In fact strange to say I often have noticed a strong correlation between the sophistication of someone's humour and their intelligence. Unintelligent people are to be laughed at not with.

In any case I sometimes suspect that the exact reason you are made to go through these hoops to conform is exactly because by doing so you have proved your amenability to be screwed over by conforming to the whole consumerist fantasy which I can't help but notice on average women tend to buy in to a whole lot more.

It depends on what you mean by masculine behavior, and it isn't always the same btw depending on environment, culture, etc.

You might get some clues by studying seperated all male societies.

Hah, perhaps a good masters project for a degree in psychology.

~sigh~ This relationship stuff is crazy...