Can people with AS get easily attached to people?

Post Reply New Topic

I understand having AS can mean having difficulty connecting to people but I read somewhere that they can also get attached to certain people. Just wondering what experiences other people have had with this.

In general, I think we're more attached to everyone around us than we know.

i can easily get attached to anything; living and non-living.

I do get attached to people, just can´t figure out how to get in touch with them.
I know I just have to call them, but its just damn difficult to call them and ask them to do something.
Like 95% of lonewolfness comes from this.

I have had problems with getting overly attached to certain people since I was a teenager. The last one happened just last year, and for most of a year she was right there in the front of my mind. I can never tell who it will happen with, but it is like my mind tries to make up for the general lack of people in my life by overcompensating when someone may be nice to me.

While it has bought me problems at times (like depression) it has generally been a very good thing in my life as it has really helped me to feel not alone. In high school I was very attached to my teacher and she knew how important that it was that I have someone to connect with (as there was no one else) and she always made me feel cared for.

I tend to feel like my attachments are not very even, because I don't have the skills to have a friendship that most expect/need. I try hard, but it always seems to become a relationship where they are watching out for me/feel a responsibility to stay my friend. I think because they pity me. Which is very sad because all that I want is a normal friend.

I do get attached to people, but I do it in bursts--I'l contact people for some time and then stop, etc. People must think I'm one of the flakiest people they know.

I think another dimension to this is that I want to socialize on my own time--and I give people a very limited window of time in which to do it.

^ this. Also NTs seem to have this need for regular contact but without anything very exciting being discussed. Or maybe it's just not very exciting to me. I get bored.

I don't get attached to people but I do get trapped sometimes when someone is showering me with attention and I like it. Then I sort of gravitate towards that person even though the interaction with them is maybe exhausting and leaves me feeling empty. I never know how to spot these until it's too late though.

I can get very attached to people, sometimes out of all proportion to any attachment they might feel to me. When realisation dawns in such situations, I feel sad for a bit but soon bounce back.

In relationships I tend to get over-attached to my partner to the extent that I even try to rationalise bad or destructive behaviour by them, which makes it difficult for me to escape them. I am thinking in particular of a relationship I had with an emotionally and physically abusive partner, and the difficulty I had in recognising that this was a bad situation and consequently in extricating myself from it.

One thing I do enjoy is being infatuated with someone, in either a romantic or platonic way, and trying to show them how much I care about them. Half the time, as so often with NT people, they are so self-absorbed that they are almost oblivious to the love and attention I focus on them, but I still get a kick out of doing it. I am still like this, to a certain extent, with my oldest friend who is (like me) male but (unlike me) heterosexual. We have a sort of bromance thing going on, even though he is far more neglectful of me than I am of him. I like doing things like choosing thoughtful presents for him and his partner, even though this makes Christmas a bit one-sided. Perhaps I'm a masochist in some ways, but that's not what it feels like. I just enjoy having someone to care about.

Of course you can get attached, but for me it depends on who it is. I'll get seriously attached to one or two people in particular.

I get attached to people. Very easily. I cling to my sister even today.

When me and my girlfriend broke up, we promised to be friends still. But I still clung to her with my feelings and it took me awhile to get rid of them. I still worry today when my sister goes to college and I have no one to consolidate to at home.

It's rare for me, but it does happen. I have trouble because it's rare for me, and it's always easier to withdraw than to engage someone.

Speak for yourself.

I generally feel disconnected with almost everyone I meet and it's easy for me to dislike them.

That being obsessed with just one person thing though, I do that as well.

This is true for me too.

I also find that other people get really really attached to me without much input from me. I feel I am treating them the same as other people, but sometimes they get infatuated with me. Its really frustrating because I just want to be friends and they want more and it kind of spoils things
Another problem I have at the moment is that I am seeing someone I'm pretty certain that he knows I really like him and I'm fairly certain he feels the same and it is an equal relationship, but for some reason I am unable to verbalise this. I know I am pushing him away, but being that close to someone and getting attached freaks me out. I feel anxious and physically ill, which is the opposite of what you should feel you are falling in love! So to the outside world it will look like I am splitting up with him because I can't be close, but really it's because I am really attached, but the intense emotions involved are making me feel uncomfortable.

I suspect that you only *fear* that you are pushing him away. If your lack of verbalisation was a problem to him, he would probably have already brought it up with you. He might even regard it as an enigmatic aspect of your personality that he treasures. As long as you demonstrate your feelings in other ways, you shouldn't worry about not being able to say your feelings out loud. And anxiety over your treatment of a loved one is quite normal when you are in love, even to the extent of feeling physically ill if you are deeply infatuated: Ever heard the expression 'love-sick'?

If you don't intend or want to split up with him,. and he shows no signs of wanting to split up with you, I would suggest that -- despite your fears and anxieties -- things are probably going OK between you. So who cares what it might look like to an outsider? It's your shared understanding with your partner that counts.

I'd say: Keep plugging away and perhaps the 'butterflies' will pass, and you'll be able to break through your inability to verbalise your feelings. If he means that much to you, it's got to be worth the effort. And imagine how frustrated and full of remorse and self-doubt you would feel if you broke up with him because you *hadn't* said something! Hang on in there.

This seems to happen every time I have a girlfriend or someone I like. Because I don't have very many friends, they are the only people I really talk to. So I guess that messes things up. I'm the type of person who doesn't really like change. So when I have a certain perception of somebody, that perception is stuck forever in stone.

I tend to only get overly attached to girls I want to date and no one else. IDK why. But when they are moderately nice to me I quickly become absorbed by this person. So I end pushing them away because I have certain expectations of them.

Generally what happens is:

I guess I don't they are in the lovey love phase, so for the first few or couple months they talk a lot with me
Then as I guess the dazzling and gleam of the new relationship passes, they become more passive, and start not involving themselves with me
Which ends up making me really jealous or upset or both because it suddenly changed the environment


Maybe I'm getting something mixed up in my relationships with people, and I don't know what to fix to be honest.

lol, yes I've heard the term 'love-sick' though never really thought about what it meant until now. He has mentioned my inability to talk, but he is being patient with me over this. I know I should stop being such an idiot, but letting myself go and letting myself be close to someone is a real problem for me. I think it's all part of not liking change and needing to control as much of my life as I can and that I will lose a bit of that if I become part of a couple
But thankyou CharityFunDay, that is good advice and I will be frustrated if I were to throw this away over a few fears.