am I suppressing bad memories deep into my subconscious?

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Hello. in my k-8 school i was bullied .Except other kids i never really told anyone. Its probably why my grandma dosnt get my problems with school and other kids. My grandmother also use to yell at me and call me names/threatening me when she was mad or frustrated. I had it recorded on youtube (her voice) but i deleted them and most videos talking about my bulling except these 2 however i have drawings from Microsoft paint i did in 2009 ( i was born august 3rd 1998) but im going to warn you they might be disturbing also please just watch these videos (the're bad enough ) why do you think i cant remember these situation .. i can remember very few things like a few things they use to do or say but its like blurred vision. do you think its bad or good that i cant remember and should i be worried about it?


http://www.onetruemedia.com/media/58/47 ... _large.jpg

http://s865.photobucket.com/user/mnby12 ... ml?filters[user]=103393678&filters[recent]=1&sort=1&o=2

http://s865.photobucket.com/user/mnby12 ... ml?filters[user]=103393678&filters[recent]=1&sort=1&o=3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xg6g--X4-Uk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYPsiDp4iMc

I am sorry to hear what you've experienced, no one deserves to be treated in such a bad manner.
After having looked at your old drawings it seems like they said many hurtful things to you, and that how they behaved towards you had a tremendous effect on you emotionally. It makes me sad that you had to go through such harsh bullying, not only that but the way that your grandmother treats you is not ok either - she should be ashamed of herself, and she ow you an apology. Nothing hurts more than when a family member/ someone close to you, appears to look down on you and treats you in a disrespectful manner. I can imagine that the bullying in combination with the verbal abuse from your grandmother makes you feel even more depressed, not to forget to mention that it hurts your self esteem.

There is a chance that you might have suppressed some previous experiences, people often tend to do that with very bad memories - Our brain in a way sorts out helpful/positive memories from negative memories, those memories that caused most pain and suffering to you emotionally and or physically when it occurred, it's such memories that we often end up suppressing - our brain recognizes that these does not aid us in any way, therefor they aren't needed to memorize either.

Anyway, you don't deserve to be treated the way you do/have in the past, and i hope there is someone you feel comfortable talking to, someone who can help you out with the things that you struggle with. If you live with your grandmother and if she still is abusive towards you, you should consider finding someone else to live with, since it isn't a good environment for you to be in, and it only causes you pain.

I hope there is a way for you to make things better in your life.

*Hug*

Thank you it really means a lot to me i still live with my grandmother but shes not as bad now . Now in school I mainly get ignored or possibly subtly bullied or thought of as weird ( honestly i have no idea and that's one of my problems) I haven't really been able to find someone ive mentioned it to a few kids that ive know for a while but that didn't really work out. have you ever been bullied? if so what was you worst/ best experience?

Yes i have experienced some bullying when i was a kid, maybe from about the age 7-9.
The time period i noticed it the most i think, i was about 9 i think. But the thing is the bullying i experienced were more of the hidden type, aka. i didn't know about it. The girls who did it didn't like me so much because i at that point were shy and careful about everything, which i guess made me appear boring to them. I had 6 good friends at the time, but either way, no matter if you have some friends or not, it's still hurtful to find out other classmates were talking behind my back.

I remember this one time, one of the girls in my class and her father came to our house for a visit. He had caught her and several other girls from my class in having a meeting/vote up in this girls room about whether or not she was to invite me to her birthday party. So basically upon having caught them in the act, he sent all the girls back home, and forced his daughter to come with him to my place in order to have her apologizing to me personally. That is one of the most embarrassing things I've ever experienced, it would actually have been better if they didn't tell me what had happened in the first place. It was after that i started to notice that some of the girls were very ignorant towards me.

On the other hand there was this boy that everyone at school were afraid of, he used to beat random kids up, throw them in the ground etc. without any reason, seemingly just for the heck of it. Once he even pulled a girl across the floor by her hair .
But the thing was, this same boy were never mean to me, in fact he was really nice to me.. So at least i didn't have to go to school in fear.


I'm sorry to hear that you still experience being bullied. I don't know why they do it honestly, since I've never been a bully myself, but why they do it usually aren't all that important, it's just a wrong thing to do, plain and simple.
What about mentioning it to the school nurse, maybe she can help you out, with a few thing at least, for example maybe you could talk to her about your emotions surrounding what your experiencing.
I hope you will meet a good friend, rather sooner than later, who will stand by your side, and listen/help as much out with your problems as you would do with hers. Do you have any special interests? - dancing, playing an instrument, a sports etc. that you like? If you do maybe you could start taking classes in the activity you are fond of, there it might be easier for you to get to know people more like minded to you, and hopefully also find a good friend.

I am not sure about repressed memories. Not much experience with them. My basic feeling is that it is a good thing to forget specific bad experiences. For the most part they serve no purpose.

I think you only want to retain what is valuable for your future in the form of lessons that might be gained from it to reduce or prevent negative things happening again.

These might be things like learning how to detect bullying, what to do when it happens, etc.

Really this is the normal process of life. Identify problems and figure out ways to get past them.

As a example. Once upon a time a cave woman came out of her cave and went down to the field where the fruit trees grow. But just like everyday a wild boar chased her and she would climb on some rocks until the boar went away, and go home hungry. One day she decided instead of climbing the rocks she would instead climb the tree when the boar chased her. That way she got to eat while she waited for the boar to go away.

This subject is also one a therapist might be able to help you with if you are seeing one.

my worst experince\

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ok i see the links arent going to work so ill just copy the comment

Alexis Diana Lol. Please don't talk about matturity... Are you really one to talk? Ahem.. Jennifer? Kaylnn? How you harrased and made fun of them? Told them they were gorgeous making them feel some sort of self worth then behind there back laugh about how stupid they are with sam and nicole? I'll admit I engaged in it for a short time. But very short. I never gave them the impression that I actually cared for them. And that if I ever some them on the street I would say hello. You make them feel so well. But on the street you wouldn't even notice them. You'll make fun of them with nicole... And I'm the immature one? They dont bother anyone until all of you tried making fun of them....What you did and do is a form of bullying and the main reason guys bully people if cause they have a small dick... That goes for you and nicole..


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Well, from ALL of those "Nice" comments by your "buddies or friends", I think they are faking, in my opinion. Remember when they did that to ME? It was all a LIE. I DO NOT know why, but I dont want you to end up like me, after all that happened. When they were talking to me, they told me we are doing this for "FUN"! Why should I be treated evermore different from you? We are almost the same weight. So that means, if they call me "fat", they are calling you "fat." This is all from experience. So, If I was you, I would listen. This is serious. They might all behind your back and NEVER notice, but they can still do it, they dont care. Some of them actually sexually harassed me in your grade. So please, follow this "BIT" of advice , please. -KayKay<3 ;'D



also there was this one tine during field day in school in tug of war i tied the end of the rope around my waist ( (i saw someone else doing it and i was a stupid kid )and was playing tug of war with me on one side one other kid at first then and 2 or 3 boys on the other side but then i was winning so other kids came on the other side and they were too strong and i fell and they pulled me with the rope still around my waist and i started to lose my ability to breathe and was turning purple and then someone finally helped me . I ended up breaking my ankle but i could have been killed.

As for best all i remember is a was being bullied and later this kid wrote me a letter and asked me to join their group and for the rest of elementary and middle school i went with them during lunch and resses.

Repressing bad memories generally doesn't happen because adrenaline strengthens memories, and if you think over it it grows stronger, though over long periods of time adrenaline leads to the buildup of cordisal, which weakens memories, and one might avoid thinking of a negative experience in order to repress it.