Do you go non-verbal/selectively mute comfortably?
I go mute when I am highly anxious. It goes in stages-firstly, I start to stammer, then there is a ridiculously long pause between each word as I try and get them out, then it goes to not being able to form words at all and only vocalisations and then it goes to being completely mute. It is a hindrance when trying to discuss issues at work. The last time I had to speak to my manager about issues I was having with another member of staff, it took me 15 minutes to get 8 words out (compulsively tearing and chewing paper in between each word as that is one of my behaviours when stressed) before he took pity on me and said he knew what it was I was trying to say because he had heard it from someone else anyway.
You are absolutely right with the whole "What is there to know?" problem. Hearing people tend to think of deafness as a pathology, a lack of a sense, being missing something that they have, losing something. They rarely think of what Deaf people have that they (hearing people) miss out on; gains, cultural values, skills, perspective and awareness, built in peace and quiet etc. There is so much to know about us and the biggest barrier for others learning that is their own faulty assumption that that they can already imagine our world and that it is bleak and tragically lacking compared to their own. They are sadly mistaken! Our world is not their world minus sound.
Thanks so much for all the information. It's given me a lot to think about. I was thinking of learning sign language to reach out to the Deaf community anyway, and because of the vestibular disorder I've developed it's not even impossible I may go deaf myself (unlikely as I have hyperacusis, so my hearing will probably deteriorate to 'normal hearing') but I also think before any other foreign language is taught we should be taught sign language as anyone of us may and if we live long enough likely will end up deaf in our life time... Seems stupid so many people neglect to do so...
Here are the resources on my website; Deaf Mental Health Conference Resources on my website. There are still some files waiting to be uploaded because I've not yet received them and I want to add on further resources later from the events, but there's quite a bit there.
Also if you have any feelings or experiences you'd like to share of being Deaf, autistic or both on my site it'd be great to feature something you say on the site, as it's all about raising awareness of experiences of disabilities. Just thought I'd through that out there. Especially with your closing sentence which really does sum it up!
_________________
AQ: 34
AS: 136/200
NT: 55/200
Alexthymia: 126/185
Suspected 'Pure O' OCD. (OCI: 64 or 11.6)
And wonderfully facially blind. XD
One other example of my kind of 'selective mutism' is when you're silent because you're hyper focused on something and don't want to break your concentration by talking but are fine with listening to the person.
I find the communication troublesome, rarely anxiety inducing. But I find being forced to speak the part that begins to induce anxiety after it begins to fatigue me.
I feel sympathy for you more anxious type ones. =[ It sounds horrible.
_________________
AQ: 34
AS: 136/200
NT: 55/200
Alexthymia: 126/185
Suspected 'Pure O' OCD. (OCI: 64 or 11.6)
And wonderfully facially blind. XD
Reading this helped me understand why I have trouble with NMS (as a hearing Aspie). I have great trouble with tone of voice. Most of the time I do not have much variation of tone of voice so others have trouble knowing if I am asking a question or being sarcastic etc. I also do not recognize most changes in other peoples voices. I assume sarcasm if the statement did not make literal sense. If I focus on it I can make the appropriate changes in voice, but when signing I am generally so focused on the visual hand signs that I do not have enough focus to also portray most NMS.
_________________
__ /(. . )
I don't "select" times I can't talk. When I can't talk, I desperately want to talk but my jaw locks up painfully and sometimes I make random noises, like a caged animal. It usually happens in the middle of communication. There isn't really any trigger or predictability, and if I'm able to move, I try to drag myself to a computer to access type to speech.
_________________
"Our motto ? the motto of the great order... which has... existed since the very dawn of civilization on the earth ? is ?Try.?? - PBR
http://sites.google.com/site/esotericresearch Esoteric Research Press
Comparing it to animals helped me understand this more. I compare people to animals a lot to understand them.
For me being mute would be like choosing not to be a dancing monkey for people. It feels like I want to have dignity and people are forcing me to act up, do all these complicated and pointless and tiring tasks that they'll be arsey about if I don't do perfectly and I can't be bothered to.
I also want to communicate with them, but I do think my depression probably ties in with it because it feels like I just don't have the will to put the energy in. Like you know when you've just done lots of running and you're horribly out of breath and someone's asking your opinion on something mundane. You might have an opinion but right now your focus is just on being there and if you could transfer your thoughts without energy you would. But you can't. And talking is kinda painful, in a way.
I don't have any physical block though, it's just painful in another way. Like sometimes it makes my chest hurt and breathing really heavy and I feel like sleeping or crying. (Is aware its sounding more like depression again.)
It's like I'm inside a glass box and to communicate it's easier to mime because talking requires screaming, shouting and banging against the glass; a lot of effort, and they still won't understand, and I know they won't. But they keep on insisting I do it. So I don't have a physical block on the body, but its more like I feel like I have an awareness of the block between me and the other people and I'm more sensitive to the energy it consumes. Having the body betray you is a different kind of frustrating I imagine. But this one is harder to deal with because people assume it's self-willed because you apparently have no difficulty with it.
_________________
AQ: 34
AS: 136/200
NT: 55/200
Alexthymia: 126/185
Suspected 'Pure O' OCD. (OCI: 64 or 11.6)
And wonderfully facially blind. XD
This is actually the state I'm most comfortable in. When I have to engage in conversation my anxiety skyrockets, I shake, I can't think straight and I break out in a cold sweat. Unfortunately, silence is NOT considered golden in social interactions. I'm 56 years old and still waiting for the panic to subside.
_________________
"If my devils are to leave me, I am afraid my angels will take flight as well" Rainer Maria Rilke
SoMissunderstood
Velociraptor
Joined: 18 Mar 2014
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 481
Location: Sydney, Australia
Hello.
I am 50 years old and I was diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder 10 years ago.
Up until now, I have never been 'selectively mute'...quite the opposite; I was very opinionated and outspoken. Problem was, I kept saying things that other people either didn't want to hear, or were not ready to hear. Yeah, 'brutal honesty' according to ME.
Every time I opened my mouth, my foot became firmly wedged within it...every time and my attempts to try and talk myself out of it, only kept on digging my grave deeper.
I also experience communication problems in general, where the majority of people find it very difficult to understand the words I use and 'dumbing it down' becomes an exercise in futility.
I also have a very negative and pessimistic attitude, being that nothing positive has ever happened in my life to change my attitude and everything negative has happened just to re-enforce it...thus, I cannot help being like I am...but everybody else calls me a 'drama queen' and abuse me for 'wallowing in self-pity'. The majority of people really hate me and don't want to have anything to do with me...period!
It all came to a head yesterday when my family started yelling at me for being an 'unappreciative sponge and a strain on their lives' and I was basically told to 'get out'.
Every time I open my mouth, it costs me money (in terms of lawsuits, restitution, finding accommodation) etc etc...
So, today I made the decision to become totally mute (except for a few online fora).
My background in meditation should help out, as well as the fact I have been socially isolated for years.
Becoming mute, is a matter of survival for me and I can definitely see the benefits of totally shutting up (I also lost my 'ego' years ago, without having anybody else around to inflate it constantly).
I'm also seeking respite services at the moment to give my family a break from caring for me (LFA)...I am looking at a nursing home, but they are all very expensive.
So now, I live in my car, I speak no more.... I may as well be dead (I am just waiting to die, actually).
Quan, I totally get understand what you are saying, as in choosing not to speak, which is now called elective mutism. The selective is now when you cannot speak, for whatever reason. I say these things as I had to just check it out on the web last night. It's a thing I've always done-elective and selective mutism but hadn't looked into. It is so interesting for me to find your post on this.