So why would anyone want to be bipolar?

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well he does manipulate good catholic girls to convert to his kooky religion .

I didn't understand your comment.
If you don't want to explain it, it's your desiccion.
I told you I didn't understand it.

the tony comment doesn't need explaining does it ? and regarding my family they remind me of tom cruise , i'm about to do a you tube on him some of the angry comments are hilarious.

Raziel's native language is not English.

ok I get it now

Not necessarily, always. Consider someone, for example, who periodically gets manic episodes that come screaming out of nowhere. That person's problem is endogenous and primarily psychiatric.

Yes you are right.
But I still think, sometimes it's "just" a behavioural issue out of different reasons. I have a "behavioural issue" to some degree resulting out of the fact that I was stigmatized and put in a locked ward against my will by psychiatrists. I started to read obsessevly every bit of information that could help me to get out of this situation and also writing those psychiatrists all the time. It resulted in the fact that those psychiatrists wanted to dx this behaviour too, but in my opinion it was "just" a result out of this situation. It ended with independent expert reports and in front of the court. I was proven right in front of the court, but short befor that a friend of mine died because he had some psychiatric problems, I was calling the psychiatry (I was fighting with) and they didn't send me any help and my friend drove off with his car and died. That was in January this year.

So I kind of can understand Szasz view.
I still understand that there is sometimes a need for a dx to help the person to deal with their problems and to adress them correctly.

right

Cause their creative, anxiety hasn't helped me in that respect and most anxiety sufferers who paint are also depressive so yes I'm envious they can paint anxiety cause I can't ^&*(ung explain it in words!

I understand that completely. For me I thought that terrifying hallucinations would provide an amount of emotional intensity. I thought being in total distress was preferable to being numb in a dull grey world so I envied people with psychotic disorders. I wanted to induce temporary symptoms so badly but I didn't want my family to hate me for it so I was stuck. I tried to do things in secret but they didn't work or I got caught.

What I realize now is that I didn't want psychosis. I wanted relief from my depression and the anhedonia that came with it. Not feeling anything is the worst and ironically it's exactly what people with schizophrenia usually suffer from. I wanted hallucinations to relieve a symptom that I would've had to deal with even more if I had the disorder that came with the hallucinations. It would've only made worse the thing that I was trying to relieve.

Hypomania.

Some people don't understand that severe mania, particularly mixed states, can be incredibly brutal.

On the other hand, maybe they just want a change in pace. Understandable.

Yes I guess in a lot of cases it is the wish to have something else. If someone is 24 hours severely depressive they just wish to be "happy" for a day and maybe even think being Bipolar would be easyer to deal with. A girl also told me she would rather be autistic like me, than BPD. I noticed her severe Borderline moodswings, but she was still able to work and even study, I wasn't at that time. I guess it's difficult or even impossible to compare disorders and personal suffering.

Last edited by Raziel on 02 Dec 2013, 4:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

it's not fair to.....

I think I have BPD and the mood instability can be unbearable. And I would kick ADHD to the curb if I could just have autism. I have it anyway but I don't get as intense focus or as detailed memory and I lose interest pretty quickly.

My mixed mood states are pure insanity. Anyone is welcome to have them. It's nothing you can think positive thoughts to stop or even talk yourself out of, it's just up and down up and down and then updownupdown all at once. It's the most torture my brain has ever been through and I stay conscious during clonic tonic seizures and have some pretty severe migraines. Actually physical pain + emotional instability is the worst pain ever which basically = mixed episodes.

When I went through my longest depressive episode to date I just wished for some hypomania, and I always self-medicate myself into mania. So yeah, I can understand people wanting relief. There are always going to be restlessness and anxiety and fears when it comes to each and every one of these disorders discussed so far. Because I may have bipolar with psychosis I'm in fear of it becoming schizoaffective.

My mood episodes are more rapid cycling than ultradian rapid cycling so there's little benefit in creative spurts. My sister who has bipolar worse than me can still be very productive and functional during mania. So, there's a little bit of jealously there even though I know if I had longer episodes I would spiral out of control and not be as aware of my symptoms as I am when I cycle so fast between mania, depressed and normal states.

Yeah, I get that feeling sometimes that I'd rather have another disorder than the one I have. During hypomania's and mixed states, I've wished that I simply had depression all the time. That may be hard to understand for some people, but the racing thoughts and the irritability at pretty much everything (and I mean, everything) makes it pretty unbearable. I've also managed to royally f**k up my life during the hypomanic episode.

Meanwhile, whilst stuck in a depressive episode, I want to be hypomanic. I remember when they actually used to feel good, and I'd feel epic, amazing and fabulous. I very very rarely have an episode like that anymore, and when I do feel like that, it quickly turns into the irritable, angry and anxious hypomania.

They see media that makes it look glamours and artsy.
It's not.