unconventional meltdowns

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I feel that I do meltdown but cant seem to apply the conventional autistic trademarks such as a distinct sequence. I never lose it in public though I come close. I tend to avoid expressing emotion publicly as through bullying ive become incredibly self conscious and emotionally repressed. When my resources for coping are exceeded I tend to break down into tears - rocking is common I sometimes self harm - drug abuse has lately become an issue also.

My misophonia moreover results in more classic symptoms such as hurling objects beating various parts of myself wailing. Recently ive found that my behaviour deteriorates significantly i.e social functioning perhaps this is a sign of my coping mechs. failing me

Perhaps you ought to see a professional who has knowledge about autism?

In process of doing this but it will take another year potentially before anything conclusive can be ascertained

Why that long?