Ignored and Surviving

Post Reply New Topic

I am not a dog or a cat but human who is prejudged or judged to quickly all to often.

As to the original question there are two main paths.

1. Withdraw and probably be too broke too be yourself. I say probably because there are survivalist type where this could work.

2.. Try and "fit in." This this involves taking 20 steps to do what most do in 1 or 2 steps and act 24 hours a days 7 days a week.
A. There is no guarantee one has the skills to pull it off.
B. One may seemingly be well on their way crash and burn from mental and psychical exhaustion.
C. One may gain the financial means to be one self but in an ironic and cruel twist after all that sacrifice in the name of being able to be oneself find their real self to repressed to get to.
D. It works. One gains the financial independence to be themselves and enjoys the hell out it because of the sacrifice involved getting there. Despite all the odds it does happen.

3. Some combination of 1 and 2 which might be the best route to success but also involves thinking in "grey areas" and "blurred lines" which we do not do well.

Last edited by ASPartOfMe on 12 Nov 2013, 11:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Double Post

Last edited by ASPartOfMe on 12 Nov 2013, 11:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I am sorry I phrased it poorly, I was referring to SELF-discipline, IOW yourself are gently but persistently reminding you to do the right things every day or at least on most days.

When I was young and found myself alone for the first time in my life , it depressed me greatly.
As I continued to be shunned/ignored by life/others I began to accept it.
Once I accepted it, I saw that it made me stronger in that it made me realize that in the end I could only depend on myself.
From there I learned to appreciated the sense of autonomy and independence it afforded me.
Now I prefer it and cannot see any other way to be.
I look around at the NT's I work with, people I see when I go out and I feel sorry them.

Most people are so worried about what everyone else thinks about them, and they are so wrapped up with group/being w/ others it becomes a dependency. They never get to experience what it feels like to know you can depend on yourself. Most of the NT friends I have had could barely handle being alone for a few hours let alone a day.

Learn to cherish the gift of solitude, use it to allow you to recharge, refresh, and refocus on what you want from life.

Agreed, independece is crucial to us.

.
i do not know. i have never been affected much by love.

i know that my personality is seen by others as very cold and aloof, and i am sure that i am not well liked by anyone in my day to day existence, but i do not care.
i do have a "girlfriend" who "loves" me, but since i moved further away from her, i rarely see her (i prefer my solitude and she dislikes the journey to get here), but she calls me about 3 times per day, and while i am not pleased when the phone starts ringing, i think i would miss it very much if she disappeared from my life.
other than that, i do not feel the need for love. i would miss "love" if i lost it, but i do not pine for love i never had.
i feel quite happy being in my own company because i am happy to be me. other people may not like to be me, but i am lucky that i am what i like to be. no one else comes into the picture.

i do not co-exist. i just exist. i suppose in india it is difficult to extricate yourself from the social broth due to the population density. i personally dislike feeling another persons physical warmth. i hate sitting on a chair that is still warm from the backside of the previous occupant. shoulders walk away with their owners. succour and compassion are not limitless and so they are valueless.
even mother theresa would have drawn the line somewhere, and she would most likely have become unpleasant if pushed past that line. i have no desire to depend on something i know is fallible.
there is no angel with arms long enough to reach into hell. (i do not think that personally but i did conceive of the line so i will include it)



why do you need to matter to other people's minds? if everyone else on earth died tomorrow and only you were left, would you no longer be you? would you suddenly hate how you are because no one else is around to bounce your ideas off?



i expect you mean invitations to parties.
everyone i know knows that i automatically decline invitations to anything, and so they never include me in their plans.

wow. i learned a new english word from an indian! i never heard of "kith" before and i assumed it was a typo until i looked it up.
nevertheless...
my sisters never accepted me ( i was adopted and 11 years younger than my youngest sister). i never gave a rat's arse. they did their thing and i did mine and ne'er the twain did meet.


my phone rings too often. it is lucky it has not been destroyed.
i can not understand why i am so much mixed up in the fabric of life given the fact that i rarely go out and i never talk deeply to anyone.

i like being looked at and i am always looked at everywhere i go, but i do not want to have to participate in anything. i do not want to talk or in anyway deflect my trajectory back to the solitude of my home.

just love yourself. it is really easy to do if you trust yourself.

I don't like this 'dogs and cats' analogy.

Dogs are highly social animals and prefer to operate in packs (even if that pack is limited to the dog's owner and no-one else), but they're not much use in providing a way of thinking about human behaviour in general. But they are very very loyal, even to an unthinking degree e.g., even when their owner mistreats them, and are very quick to learn some social cues even though they cannot have even the most limited understanding of the thought processes or social structures behind them.

In this sense (among others) dogs are quite like people with AS, who are similarly very loyal in relationships and quick to learn repeated types of social cues, and the sort of response expected, even if they don't necessarily understand immediately on an instinctive or perceptual level why the cues are being expressed. The average family pet dog only displays aggression infrequently, and then only in response to a direct threat, and not always necessarily then.

And then there are those dogs who have 'special interests' -- gun dogs, sheepdogs, cadaver dogs, drug dogs, guide dogs, police dogs, etc -- granted these interests have been trained into them, rather than arising out of the dog's own mind, but they do show that the dog mind is capable of a very high degree of focus upon one particular area of behaviour.

Whereas cats are simply parasites, who use their 'owners' for food and warmth (and occasional displays of affection if the cat's in a good mood). But they will move on to a new 'owner' without a second thought, if they think they will get a better deal out of it (this causes much grief in the cat's former 'owner', who (stupidly, imho) thought they had established an emotional bond with the animal). In this way, cats are more like NTs, who demonstrate some similar social tendencies.

Plus cats (outside the family or individual that they are parasitizing) have a very wide social life, with a fair degree of territory-marking, promiscuous sexual activity (and consequent failure to form a bond-mate), a high degree of interpersonal violence (often concerned with territorial and/or sexual dominance, but frequently for no reason at all) and a high degree of predation upon other species (often just done for 'fun', and usually involving tormenting their prey in a manner described as 'play' (e.g., appearing to let a prey animal escape and then recapturing it, sometimes several times) but more accurately described as 'sadism'), which often leaves the other animal dead but otherwise untouched, since their host family typically keeps them well fed).

These traits tend not to be found by analogy or otherwise in the AS personality.

'Sharks and dolphins' might be a better bet, but its heavily-biased because sharks are negatively-perceived and feared, whereas dolphins have a better and 'cuddlier' public image. But it's also an analogy that breaks down the minute you examine it beyond the most superficial details.

@b9
i cant be that rude, arrogant, non existent......i guess thats not my personality
i want to be included and loved like everybody else
and cold shoulder approach towards me hurts me

@charityforfun

your knowledge about different species is too deep
thats interesting perspective
with your kind of perspective about cats i would have never bought a cat home

i do not think i am rude but whatever.


ok.

What seems to be working best for me today is that I have sought to adjust my expectations of others, myself, and life to only that needed for me to be "reasonably happy".

Fortunately for me, I am increasingly discovering that my social needs are much, much lower than I previously believed them to be. It seems my prior expectations were largely based on the belief that my social life should be comparable to that of NT's. Today, self-awareness and acceptance seem to be working well for me.

Of course, tomorrow is another day, and then I may find myself in yet another quandary; but for today I'm ok.