I don't belong here

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I have severe depression and anxiety issues, but I have never been diagnosed with Autism or Asperger's syndrome. Socially, I get along fine with people when I have to, but I prefer to be alone. I'm married and I love my husband, but even hanging around him too much aggravates me. I am very impatient with social constructs - I see them as convoluted and stupid. Often I've felt I don't belong on Earth. I hate people - I don't "get" them and I want to be alone a lot of the time.

I'm feeling very frustrated and rejected lately. I am severely underemployed and have just recently started to serious again about finding a better job, but the rejections are really hurting. I went on a job interview yesterday and pretty much got brushed off near the end. There was a rejection email in my inbox this morning. I don't get what I'm doing wrong or what people want from me?! No, I'm not a social person, but I can carry on a conversation and I get along well with people when I have to. I work with customers everyday. I'm just quiet and introverted. I mentioned that I have been criticized in past jobs because I'm so introverted and that seemed to be the end of that. I don't get what's so awful about introversion? Yes, it was for a call center job, but what did they expect I was going to do - hide under the desk when the phone rang ?

I feel like there's something hideously wrong with me that everyone else can see through and they reject me for it. My thoughts keep turning to suicide because I feel like I will never be able to carve a livable life out for myself on this planet. I'm sick of scraping by on my fast food paycheck. My husband has a good job, but it's not enough. We're losing our house. Everything we've worked so hard for is falling apart. I may be quiet and not into social stuff, but I can still do good work and I still need to support myself! What is wrong with me? Or is it everyone else??

There's nothing wrong with you and yes, it is everyone else.

You certainly sound like a strong candidate for an AS diagnosis (your complaints and struggles are very common here on WP), which would mean the neurological dysfunction of High Functioning Autism, but that's not a defect in your personality, it's just an alternate wiring schematic in a very specific area of the brain.

It does, unfortunately, result in a lot of social discrimination on the part of Neurotypical, or so-called "normal" people, who can be very dismissive and even quite cruel to people they sense are 'different.' It also means that an official diagnosis would classify you as legally Disabled, which might make you eligible for fiscal assistance and does afford you some legal protection from workplace discrimination.

With a formal diagnosis, you would also qualify for financial assistance with career training through a Rehabilitation Organization, which could help you find a suitable career path.

I know all about the trauma of losing your house and having a nightmare of a time getting or keeping a decent job, but those kinds of trials and tribulations, awful as they are, are temporary and don't warrant a permanent solution like suicide, so hang in there and those storms will pass and the sun will shine again eventually.

Welcome to Wrong Planet. You belong here.

Willard made a lovely, wise, informative and supportive post, and I can't add to that except to say "I second all that."

I have not yet pursued an ASD diagnosis at age 52 and I pretty much never feel I belong in either the world or in fact on Wrong Planet! But I'm here because whatever I am, it "quacks like a duck" etc as the saying goes, and it does help to be around people who at any rate experience the same struggles I seem to have had all my life and still have.

Please hang in there. Your post is full of pain and you need support. Hang in there, and around here.

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You do belong here. I 2nd what BirdInFlight said about Willard's well-constructed post. I think we all need help from time to time. In its own way, WP has helped me out. Even just having an ear to listen to your problems suffices.

Well, I try my best
To be just like I am
But everybody wants you
To be just like them
They say sing while you slave and I just get bored

Dylan - Maggies Farm

I feel just the same as you, that I don't belong here, get along or even like people, and all the extra anxiety and depression is driving me ever closer to suicide. Except I don't work and feel pretty useless about that.

I remember being brushed off in job interviews for my lack of sociability and supposed nervousness.

I thought I was doing pretty good socially but I'm sinking under the pressure.


So, from one misfit to another, welcome to Wrong Planet, the world where I almost feel like I belong.

Greetings and welcome to the Wrong Planet.

You can belong here.

Hi ya and Welcome!

Yes, it does kinda sound like you belong here. heh

In America?? Or is that somewhere else? I've never heard such a thing.

Technically speaking, I don't belong here either. I don't have an ASD dx. I've been diagnosed with bipolar II and Borderline PD instead. But we all need support at times. And I'd throw a table at the first person who told me or anyone that they couldn't post here without an AS DX (especially since 1-my posts are generally in the BTSP section on threads about bipolar/borderline, and occasionally the gaming section.)

This is written at the top of the mainpage of the forum:

Wrong Planet is the web community designed for individuals (and parents / professionals of those) with Autism, Asperger's Syndrome, ADHD, PDDs, and other neurological differences. We provide a discussion forum, where members communicate with each other, an article section, with exclusive articles and how-to guides, a blogging feature, and a chatroom for real-time communication with other Aspies.

Everyone is welcome to post here.

I second that. If you want to be here you are welcome to be here, as long as you respect other users. So come on in and close the door.

I like it here.
Learning about female aspie traits recently has seriously made me question whether or not I have aspergers. (Although I still wonder how a disorder whose defining characteristics is of social and communication problems can then have an entire gender who has it be defined as, in general, being able to cope socially.) One of these days I'll get something formal about it, find out for sure. Maybe sooner than later if it truly means I can get social assistance.
In the meantime I'm a depression-prone celiac who sometimes feels like a psychopath who apparently has had a 'hidden' anxiety disorder who's been her happiest when extroverted but who now loves to avoid most social contact as it's stressful.

Sucks about you losing your house Ah well, they're pains in the butt to look after anyways, right?

I easily get along with others, but when i'm alone i think differently and always feels unwanted.

Am I a Psycho?