Advice on talking to a guy

Post Reply New Topic

I need help.

Some of you are aware of the fact that I really like this guy that I work with. I'm in my early 30s, and he's in his late 20s. He's very sweet, and extremely cute. Just the mere thought of him, the mention of his name, or even seeing him makes my heart race. He's an aspie.

I would love to be able to ask him out, but he has said he is too busy to have a girlfriend or a relationship right now. Still, I would like to be friends with him, and maybe if we get comfortable enough with each other, eventually I would like to be able to tell him how I feel about him. I would like to ask him to hang out outside of work, but just as friends so there's no pressure.

I know it seems silly, but how do I go about doing this? I'm painfully shy around men I like, and it's hard for me to talk to them. I saw him tonight at work, and he said something that was funny and I commented on it and he made a joke about what I said (it was actually a pretty funny joke, too). How can I get from there to "Hey, do you wanna do something sometime? I think you're really cool and I want to get to know you better" without freaking him out and making him run the other way? I am really scared of rejection.

I would say you find something he's interested in, make it sound like you were planning on doing an activity related to that thing anyway, and ask him if he'd like to join you. I think TV shows you have in common is a great way to hang out. If you are interested in sports inviting someone to watch a game on Sunday with you is like an ultimate cure-all for getting people to hang out.

I would say something like "Wanna hang out sometimes? We can <whatever he's mentioned that you might find enjoyable> if you want. No pressure, no creepiness". Then if he says ok, think up something to ask him to do but don't ask until a few days later and not the next time you see him. Be laid back and casual like if he says no it won't matter that much.

Or you could ask if he has a FB and then send him a friend request. Ask first though, some people are funny about their FB and will freak out if you send them a friend request if you didn't ask first. FB might be the way to go because you could get a better idea of what he likes and talks about, then comment on something there or something.

I have looked him up on Facebook, since I also thought that might be a good way of talking to him and breaking the ice, but I couldn't find him on there.

My biggest problem is that I'm really shy around men that I'm attracted to, and then when I finally get comfortable enough to talk to them, I usually talk too much and end up scaring them off. I don't know how to stop that. And if I don't scare them off, they never feel the same way about me and they only want to be friends. I have nothing against friends and I think you should be best friends with your mate, but I'm not really looking for a friend.

Tell them up front that you talk a lot. I talk constantly and too much so I tell people that and I tell them that since I'm aware of it, if it bothers them then they can tell me to hush, I won't be offended.

Even if you do find him on FB, don't send a request unless you either have several mutual friends or you have asked him if he has a FB first. He will think you are stalking him otherwise. If you have mutual friends he will think you just saw him there and then friended him. Now, this will sound like stalking and I haven't done it but I know somebody who has. If you do find him and want to friend him but you have no mutual friends you can go through his friends list and find friends you have in common with them and friend his friend and then friend him. I know a girl who can do the whole six degrees of separation thing on FB to get to anybody by using the friends list.

Did he personally tell you that he's too busy for a girlfriend, or was that just a general statement that he made?

"Hi"

^ This.

It's got to start somewhere.

Someone that I work with who is friends with a relative of his was telling her about me and how she thought I was interested in him. His relative talked to him about me, and he told her that he felt really bad because his schedule is so busy and he didn't feel like he would be able to give a girlfriend the attention she needs and deserves because of it. I heard about it in a roundabout way. From what I was told, she was really hoping he'd give me a chance, since she thinks we'd be great together and just wants to see him happy.

Someone that I work with who is friends with a relative of his was telling her about me and how she thought I was interested in him. His relative talked to him about me, and he told her that he felt really bad because his schedule is so busy and he didn't feel like he would be able to give a girlfriend the attention she needs and deserves because of it. I heard about it in a roundabout way. From what I was told, she was really hoping he'd give me a chance, since she thinks we'd be great together and just wants to see him happy.

I find it hard to believe he is really that busy.

Maybe he is! Use him as practice. How's anybody going to get better at anything without practice?

I'm wondering if after reading some of the other posts on here if maybe he is just scared of getting hurt. If that's the case and he ends up being just the guy I've been looking for, I will have to earn his trust and show him that I will not hurt him.

Don't put the cart before the horse. You need to have a few conversations with him before you worry about nurturing his inner child. Just be casual and get to know him. Then you can see whether or not you even like him. Sometimes you can like somebody when you don't know them real well then when you get to know them you want to run in the opposite direction very fast. Wait and see.

OK, don't everyone kill me at once, but isn't this a standard brush off for when you are not into someone that way?

He may be on the spectrum but that doesn't mean he is completely incapable of following social protocol. Dunno. Just throwing it out there.

More than very possible.

Think OP should still talk to him, though.