Do they deserve you?

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nah. if i improved my life and changed myself and it made a difference to the person in question, i wouldn't be interested.

There was this girl i was interested in but not particularly driven to pursue, but who knew and never made any real effort to reciprocate, she came back a couple of years later. I slept with her but then realised that the specialness of the situation had gone for me so i got her out of my bed and told her to go and sleep on the sofa.

The thing is, she'd gone on from the initial thing that never started with me and "tried" a few other guys in the couple of years, and I dunno, i just cant live with being second best.

i need someone that knows straight away. Not someone who on consideration decides that i was her best option after all.


tbh uve just made me decide something in life. half a situation is not worth your time.

plenty of fish in the sea and all that.

is it really love if it "comes and goes"? sounds more like limerence to me. I could well do without that.

Sometimes someone may reject you even though they see your potential. They may see exactly who you are, where you're at, and how much further you've got to go.

But the person choosing does not choose to reject the other because they seem them lesser than them - they just know that the other person will not be capable of being what they need in a partner right now.

Personally I'm of the school of thought that if someone rejects you on those grounds, it's probably because they value themselves too much (and perhaps value you too much also) to go into something when they know you're not at the same level or on the same page. I would call that wisdom.

Often in such cases if someone embarks on self improvement because if it, the self improvement would not have happened if it hadn't. Not always because if ego, although it may start out that way until you realise there are other reasons to do so.

No you cannot be swayed into that. That has happened to me more than once. When I was younger, the girls would say that I am so nice and such a gentleman that they do not deserve me. But I knew it was a lie back then. Why did they do it? I don't know. Because I asked myself, well if I'm such a great guy why would she even consider leaving me in the first place? I thought, maybe she found someone better, she got bored, or just didn't want to be tied down. Or she was actually telling the truth. It can happy to anyone.

First impressions stick in people's minds like glue, it is quasi-impossible to change them.
I am not sure how possible you can significantly change, you can't turn from ugly to drop dead gorgeous or from social hermit to a social butterfly.... the only thing that can be changed much is wealth, if she approaches you only after getting that, kick her ass.

I don't agree that true love is unconditionally stable. If someone loves someone else because of his kindness and sweetness, then something traumatizing happened to that person and his personality radically changed for the worse, becoming extremely abusive to the point of beating the crap out of his lover and cheating on her and such, the first person is no likely to love him as much anymore.

True love requires mutual responsibility from both parties to commit to the relationship and make it work ... and it requires that certain life-altering unfortunate events do not occur to damage it.