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zacb
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22 Nov 2013, 9:07 am

Should I cold canvass, since I have limited social connections, or should I just "wait"? I seriously feel stuck. I kinda feel like a social cripple, not having a job, never having had a relationship, and having very few friends. Plus the people I do know, I have nothing in common with.



melmaclorelai
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22 Nov 2013, 9:38 am

I'm basically in the same position as you. I've never been in a relationship and I've never had any sort of paid job. My social life is very low key and I struggle with feeling connected to other people and identifying with them.

I'm not really sure what the best approach to dating for people like us is but what I'm trying to do is look out for kindred spirits and see what happens.


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marsh7024
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22 Nov 2013, 9:45 am

Don't wait. Get out there today. if you wait then you will always be stuck in the situation that you are in. Get out into the world, meet new people, and form relationships. Go and find a job. Have the determination, to pursue your hopes and dreams. in your heart.

As far as dating goes, be honest to a woman. keep the conversation focused on her. Give her genuine comments. Pay for her meal/drinks. Hold the door for her. Be Chivalrous. Chivalry will absolutely impress a girl. if she asks you a question, answer it concisely. she doesn't want recitation of the theory of relativity, etc. NO MONOLOGUES, that will turn most women off. No cheesy pick up lines, these are insulting to a woman's intelligence, and will likely get you slapped in the face.

Don't give up if it doesn't work out the first time, it probably won't, but you will find that person eventually.

btw, I am an NT male and my gf is an aspie. however, I do understand dating and the social rules.

I hope this helps.

"Never put off till tomorrow, what can be accomplished today."



marsh7024
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22 Nov 2013, 9:59 am

One more thing I am on the wrongplanet chat as well, and will give one on one advice to anyone who needs it. my nick name is marsh19. If I am on i will be more than happy to help.



zacb
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22 Nov 2013, 10:06 am

marsh7024 wrote:
Don't wait. Get out there today. if you wait then you will always be stuck in the situation that you are in. Get out into the world, meet new people, and form relationships. Go and find a job. Have the determination, to pursue your hopes and dreams. in your heart.

As far as dating goes, be honest to a woman. keep the conversation focused on her. Give her genuine comments. Pay for her meal/drinks. Hold the door for her. Be Chivalrous. Chivalry will absolutely impress a girl. if she asks you a question, answer it concisely. she doesn't want recitation of the theory of relativity, etc. NO MONOLOGUES, that will turn most women off. No cheesy pick up lines, these are insulting to a woman's intelligence, and will likely get you slapped in the face.

Don't give up if it doesn't work out the first time, it probably won't, but you will find that person eventually.

btw, I am an NT male and my gf is an aspie. however, I do understand dating and the social rules.

I hope this helps.

"Never put off till tomorrow, what can be accomplished today."


That is what I have been doing. The problem my friend suggested I have (and I worry about) is going overboard and seeming desperate. I find it hard to regulate one way or another. As for jobs, I am applying to everything I know I could be competent at. My friend said God has someone for you. But does this mean sit on your laurels? I think not. But then I take it the other way and screw up royally. I feel really isolated from society, especially with my hobbies and views (anarchism and finance/programming).



purplefeet
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22 Nov 2013, 11:15 am

At least you have views. Many women would like an intelligent guy to talk to. Most of the men who come forward may be NT but are usually not skilled at making a woman feel comfortable, etc. Genuine interest is a huge bonus!

It is hard if you (like me) are not to be found in the traditional social settings. Many people find partners at work or college. However, I met my boyfriend on a dating site. In a way the competition is different, I didn't have to be good at real-time flirting or even put make up on. Our relationship is based on our shared outlook and humour.

Good luck.


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