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hurtloam
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23 Nov 2013, 6:15 am

I thought that this was a good link

How to Become Socialble 9 Steps

Although, when I read about how shy people often think that others are watching them ready to jump in with criticism it made me think that having an abusive mother who always criticized me was probably the main cause of this. It's hard to trust other human beings when you can't trust your own mother not to tear you down.


That thing about having to invite other people to do things rather than waiting for the phone to ring is a confusing thing for me too because I am ALWAYS doing the asking. It makes me think, well no one wants to bother returning the favour, so why should I bother in the first place.

Aparently there is good in humans. Lets end on that .



Waterfalls
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23 Nov 2013, 7:10 am

The "be positive" is what caught my attention as perhaps most relevant. But maybe only me.



hurtloam
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23 Nov 2013, 9:02 am

Yes the be positive bit really stood out to me to.

Quote:
Be positive. Everybody wants to be around people who are optimistic, upbeat, and happy. Even if you don't feel positive all of the time, you should at least act positive when talking to other people. For example, if somebody asks you to tell them about your life, focus on sharing the positive qualities of your life rather than complaining about the negative ones.

Making your life sound positive will instantly spark peoples' interest, and they will want to hear more about you.

This is definately something I need to improve about the way I talk to people.


This one is difficult for me too, but I think it is important
Quote:
If you want to seem interesting to others, you will have to show interest in them, especially when you are in the middle of a conversation. When you are talking to somebody, listen to what they are saying rather than worrying about what you should be saying. Make eye contact, nod your head, and ask them follow-up questions.

I find it really difficult not to ramble because I don't know what to say and I know that people don't think I'm interested in them because I know alot of people, but I don't really know much about them. It's hard to get the balance between not prying and asking too much and showing the appropriate amount of interest.



hurtloam
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23 Nov 2013, 9:29 am

I like this link on the same wiki

Being Sociable at a Party

I wish I knew people that behaved like this. A friend like that would be lovely.

Quote:
Don't be too opinionated or try too hard to show people how knowledgable you are. You already know your opinions. Focus on listening rather than telling for the sake of the conversation and to build relationships.


Oh that is so me. I like to tell people things and I know afterwards that I talked too much. I feel like I know more than other people though and it's hard to contain all that knowledge. But I also know that people don't like a know-it-all because it makes them feel bad about themselves, they maybe think I'm deliberately trying to put them down.



Mackica
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23 Nov 2013, 6:39 pm

Having more empathy goes a long way.Such as in a store and at the register you genuinely ask the cashier/bagger how they are doing.We get so hung up on ourselves at times that we often fail to think of others after our needs have been met.Have a smile ready when you go out in public and remember that you are outside,so enjoy yourself,slow down if you can,interact with others.I promise it won't hurt you.



leafplant
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23 Nov 2013, 6:45 pm

hurtloam wrote:


That thing about having to invite other people to do things rather than waiting for the phone to ring is a confusing thing for me too because I am ALWAYS doing the asking. It makes me think, well no one wants to bother returning the favour, so why should I bother in the first place.


People are lazy. And unimaginative. And lazy. This is why everyone loves the person who Can be bothered to call and organise stuff. Unless you are someone who is super annoying (do people frequently come up with excuses why they can't come out and play?), your friends are likely depending on you to get them organised and having a good time.

I'm one of those people who doesn't go out 9 times out of 10 but I always want to be asked. It's annoying as hell for the other people - I am only just starting to realise this!

So don't take it personally that people don't call and ask you, they probably just don't know how to go about doing that or feel really awkward about it and are really grateful to have you in their life to do that instead.



yellowtamarin
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23 Nov 2013, 7:16 pm

leafplant wrote:
I'm one of those people who doesn't go out 9 times out of 10 but I always want to be asked. It's annoying as hell for the other people - I am only just starting to realise this!

Ooooh yeah, I hear ya!



coffeebean
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23 Nov 2013, 8:10 pm

Waterfalls wrote:
The "be positive" is what caught my attention as perhaps most relevant. But maybe only me.


I agree, though "not negative" seems just as good. I tend to distrust people whose attitudes seem too good to be true, but on the other end of the scale I tend to shut people out if they approach me wanting to pull me into their bad mood and anger towards others.



hurtloam
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24 Nov 2013, 1:52 pm

People are lazy. And unimaginative. And lazy. This is why everyone loves the person who Can be bothered to call and organise stuff. Unless you are someone who is super annoying (do people frequently come up with excuses why they can't come out and play?), your friends are likely depending on you to get them organised and having a good time.

I'm one of those people who doesn't go out 9 times out of 10 but I always want to be asked. It's annoying as hell for the other people - I am only just starting to realise this!

So don't take it personally that people don't call and ask you, they probably just don't know how to go about doing that or feel really awkward about it and are really grateful to have you in their life to do that instead.[/quote]

Interesting comment. Yes, people do accept my invitations. I guess that means they do want to hang out with me. I guess I have fallen into the role of organizer without meaning to.