Diagnosis opinion

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This is going to piss a lot of you off, and that is not my intention but it's just the reality of what's going to happen. Given that, I have read today a lot of threads about "doc doesn't think I have AS", "Misdiagnosis", "self diagnosis" etc... This is not in regards to diagnosis "elitism", because who the hell would want to be on the autism spectrum!?!? I really think that being self diagnosed needs to just stop. Before I was diagnosed, I assumed I had ASD but I kept that to myself because going around telling everyone I'm on the Autism Spectrum when I have no proof whatsoever is just embarrassing. I have found that a lot of "self diagnosed" google doctors are just depressed people with social anxiety disorder who want something to latch on so that they can point the finger and say, "look, I have a disability, it's all in my brain wiring I can't do anything about it", or "See, it's not my fault I don't have any friends I'm disabled", rather than make the changes need to help improve their conditions, such as going to therapy, doing CBT and trying to make progress. I don't intend to sound rude, but it's just hearing a bunch of teenagers constantly and even seeing them in real life who claim to have "Aspergers" are full of it and just want to be "unique" and have something that they can claim makes them original and special and have an excuse as to why they are loners or why nobody likes them.

On a side note, I also think a lot of people WITH "diagnosis" have it wrong also. Just because you tell your GP you think you have Aspergers and he says "Ya that could be possible" while you do your best attempt to stare at the floor and not make eye contact so he believes you more doesn't mean you have a diagnosis. A real diagnosis is something you have in writing that you can actually use with government paperwork. It's official documentation and it took me over 10 hours of interviewing, IQ testing, reading/writing testing with a very highly regarded autism specialist where I live who actually did my $2000 dollar assessment for free because she felt bad for me.

I made this thread because Autism Spectrum Disorder is such a serious condition that can cripple and destroy ones life, and I find it disrespectful and degrading every time I hear some loner claim he has Asperger's or Autism just because people at school don't like him. It downplays real autistic's struggles and insults our daily termoil. If you actually, truly, deeply and whole heartedly believe you have Autism Spectrum Disorder, go find a REAL Autism doctor and get a REAL diagnosis or keep it to yourself until you have some real, medical and professional evidence and support.

As I said, I really am not trying to piss people off, but I am going through an insane low right now to the point where I'm taking sleeping pills every night just to be able to get some rest and I find it f*****g insulting that a bunch of wannabe (for whatever reason) ASD people can claim how hard their life is because they got beat up in gym class; When really they don't know the half of it.

Also, as much as people will dislike this post, a lot of people whether they admit it or not will agree that it's the truth.

Sometimes people are not able to get a diagnosis for various reasons.

And CBT is s**t. It doesn't work basically.

And you don't need a diagnosis of ASD to get disability. I have a Social anxiety and depression diagnosis and get disability because of my inability to cope with social interaction and change (I was never tested for ASD as far as I am aware and when I was tested as a teenager Asperger's was not in the DSM...the diagnosis didn't exist. Classic autism would have been ruled out at the time as i was advanced with my speech/language skills not behind etc).


I come here because I find people on the spectrum easy to talk to. I have no idea if I have an ASD or not so won't commit to saying I do. I am not the same as my peers though as my development was different to theirs (advanced development in some areas but behind my peers in others ie advanced moral development for my age, high level of intellectual ability (considered to be exceptionally intelligent) but emotionally immature, over sensitive and too idealistic). No amount of CBT will change much of that. They would have to give me a new brain if they want me to be like everyone else.

And no medication does not change anything either. I do doubt my depression diagnosis even if I do get low mood sometimes. My life is destroyed by my inability to socialise to the point that I can't hold a job despite the fact I got A grades at University and am highly intelligent. I can't connect with my peers, have no interest in the same things as them and keep getting hung drawn and quartered for reasons I don't understand socially. And if I do make friends? I cant maintain the friendship...I just don't cope with people interaction.

I have always struggled...smart child, but couldn't fit in whilst possessing a weird personality and odd habits (such as collecting bank forms at 5 years old instead of playing with dolls like other little girls).

And no I don't feel worthless or hate myself. Why would I do that? Worthless compared to what exactly? In what way? Based on what criteria? Evidence to support said criteria?

The reason I doubt my depression diagnosis is it does not present typically...my mood does not stay consistently low. I do feel down when I think of my social problems but perk up again when I indulge in and think of my hobbies and interests. I am still able to enjoy things, do not go to bed and stop functioning but do cry a lot.

It seems to me that it is more likely I am reacting to my social problems/isolation and feeling upset by it, especially as I am alone in the sense that I have no family and no social network or support network in a world that can be incredibly cruel towards people who are different rather than suffering from true clinical depression.

As for social anxiety? I doubt that as a full explanation for my problems too...Yes I can be nervous during some social interactions due to years and years of social ostracisation and bullying but that does not explain everything. Even when I am not nervous I don't cope with socialising for various reasons (too many to list here).

It also doesn't explain my inability to cope with change, my various sensitivities (difficulty with certain materials, labels and seams in clothing, background noise, crowds, textures with regards to foods) etc.

Sure I could explain some of my symptoms with a huge list of psychiatric disorders....personality disorder, mood disorder, ocd, hypersensitivity, depression, anxiety....but an ASD could potentially explain my problems as well.

If I am offered testing or I can get a professional to test me on the NHS I am more than willing to go for it...but I am on benefits, my social issues stop me from holding a job down despite my IQ (143 last time it was tested) and so called advanced abilities when I was growing up), so I can't afford to pay someone if I can't get it done for free.

Unless I win the lotto...perhaps I should start playing?

That's fine then, I have zero issue with anything you brought up. I put in bold what you said that I have no problem with whatsoever.

Well, jcq126, I have been on both sides and I'm less judgmental about it. I agree only that it's nonproductive to use a 'disorder' to excuse yourself from dealing with the real world and that it's presumptuous and egoistic (not to mention neurotic) to go around claiming to have a 'condition' that you haven't had officially diagnosed.

That said, OTOH, I think High Functioning Autism is one of the most easily self-recognizable disorders in the world. If you've been living with it's effects all your life, you know INSTANTLY when you see the diagnostic criteria, that it applies to you.

I'll go even further: I was 21 years old the first time I saw a news article on television about low functioning kids with Classic Autism - at the time, the condition was still largely mysterious, even to experts studying it. I knew beyond all doubt, sitting at home watching those children stimming on my TV and screaming and jerking away when adults tried to touch them, that whatever condition they were suffering from, I HAD A VERSION OF IT.

It was another 16 years before I ever heard the words "Asperger Syndrome" and another 7 years after that before I knew what it meant. When someone finally sent me a weblink to an article on the disorder, it was so obvious how it applied to me that I had the eerie sensation that someone had been following me around videotaping my life and compiling a personal psych profile.

I never told anyone that I "had a disorder" because it seemed ridiculous and pathetic to go around telling people you have a neurological disorder (which they will hear as "mental illness" anyway), when you have to no proof of it.

Another 4 years went by before a series of coincidences led me to be evaluated and diagnosed by a professional with years of experience in dealing with autistic adults - and if not for those fortunate coincidences, I could never have afforded that evaluation on my own. One of the frustrating side effects of our disorder is chronic unemployment and many people with High Functioning Autism might NEVER be able to afford a professional diagnosis on their own, not to mention that many Insurance plans don't cover it.

Add to that the fact that many professionals who think they know autism, have no experience with ADULTS with autism, which can present quite differently, and as a result they often misdiagnose, or fail to recognize the disorder entirely. If WP is any indication, many professionals are rudely dismissive of the very idea, if they didn't spot the symptoms themselves. Going for an evaluation is no guarantee that it will be done properly, or done at all. Proper diagnosis is not always easy to get.

So, while I understand the irritation with posers who just find AS a convenient excuse and a 'badge' that makes them feel special*, I also understand that it's quite possible - especially if you've lived with it for decades - to accurately self-diagnose, and just that knowing can do a lot psychologically to repair long-damaged self esteem. For those who have seen the diagnostic criteria and recognized their own portrait, it's not for me to tell them they're wrong. They may be 100% correct.

But it probably would be best if they had that suspicion confirmed by an authoritative source before they go around proclaiming it in public.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
* Using the claim of Asperger Syndrome to get attention and sympathy is just as likely to backfire anyway, since the News Media loves to associate the disorder with all sorts of lurid and violent crime, giving many people the impression that anyone with Asperger Syndrome is a dangerous psychopath. A notion that Internet trolls also love to perpetuate.

People may not WANT to be on the spectrum, but have long struggled to understand themselves and problems they've long had, only to discover the description of autism or Asperger's fits them to a T.

I fall into that catagory, as even before high functioning autism was widely recognized, I suspected "borderline autism" in myself.

A doctor even told me "there's no such thing", but when I asked if the neurological cause(s) were present in a person, but to a lesser degree, 'wouldn't they be "partially autistic"?'

The doctor had to agree that made sense.

Ten years later I read that high functioning autism had become recognized.

I continued with my suspicions, but never spoke about them to another doctor.

About a year ago a therapist heard me describe my feelings where what I thought of as agoraphobic tendencies were concerned, and he asked me "Have you ever been evaluated for autism?"

Let me stress I'd said NOTHING. This was all from him.

I froze and asked why he'd brought it up. He explained my answers and descriptions of my feelings matched those of other patients of his who are autistic.

When I reminded him of a much earlier word-association test that ended up with me only being able to describe mental images I was getting in response to words he said (but no words on my part), he immediately said "TELL YOUR DOCTOR I WANT YOU EVALUATED FOR AUTISM."

My doctor was told this on the next visit, and the doctor froze. I could see the wheels turning like suddenly things seen in me now made sense.

The doctor then said "Good catch", and put me in touch with a local Asperger's association; that got the ball rolling.

Even without a diagnosis, this gave me a great deal of relief, because it now looked like this was all going to be settled, with a name given to what I can see is different about me.

Unfortunately, the first person we found to do an evalutation was working from the trunk of his car, and administered what my doctor now says must have been nothing but an IQ test. He then made comments about why I "couldn't possibly be autistic" that outraged some people here, and led to the Asperger's association saying if he was in their database he was being deleted, or in the least flagged.

We're now aiming for another try early next year at a local hosptial that has a whole department dedicated to autism. (I'd wanted to avoid going into the city. I'll bite the bullet now.)

My therapist has made a comment that's worth considering- "If a patient flat out says they suspect they fall into a certain catagory, very often they're right."

I don't call myself "self-diagnosed", because you can't diagnose yourself, but I do say "strongly suspect".

What I'm saying here is don't come down hard on people who've finally found an explanation of what's been "wrong" with them, because they just might be right. There most certainly ARE adults out there who ARE autistic, albeit high functioning, who can gain some relief from finally having someone tell them there's a name for what they have. There are also kids out there who, because they're high functioning, have slipped thru the cracks (like some adults) and may on their own be starting to suspect because there's access to more information now than when I was a kid.

Please.

If someone feels there's reason to suspect they're on the spectrum, do NOT make trouble for them. Obviously, they have SOMETHING going on and don't need you making even more trouble for them. Recommend they get evaluated, and let the experts handle the diagnosing. In the meantime, offer what support and friendliness you can, because they DO have SOME type of problem, and the last thing they need is some self-appointed judge who's bigoted against those who haven't gotten an official diagnosis.

PLEASE!

Where these people are, many who are now diagnosed were just a short time ago.

Give'm a break, will'ya?

Last edited by Sethno on 07 Dec 2013, 3:39 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I also think that it is not entirely appropriate to declare you have an ASD without a diagnosis. However, to research autism and conclude that you are most likely autistic, and then state you suspect an ASD is fine.

I was a teenager when Asperger's was officially recognized, and I knew nothing about it. A year ago I stumbled upon it and realized that it mirrored my experiences. I was already seeing both a psychiatrist and a therapist for bipolar II, with no improvement. I mentioned my suspicion and my psychiatrist immediately referred me to an autism specialist, who put me through the barrage of tests. The results confirmed my thoughts, and she diagnosed me with Asperger's. Without my research, I probably would not have suspected my condition. Therefore, I am glad that I "self-diagnosed." I did not claim be autistic before I was validated, but I did know within.

I apologize if I fall into any of these categories of people that annoy you [or anybody else]; I had never meant to downplay the severity of the autistic spectrum by suggesting that some doctors and family members have suggested that I may be on the milder end of the spectrum. I am just trying to better understand the things I feel and experience and how to function with the difficulties I have, and the realm of autism seems to provide some answers; I suspect that this is the case for many self-diagnosed and half-diagnosed people on these forums.

This can be rather difficult when one doesn't know where to start. Many of the people you mentioned may not have a diagnosis of depression or Social Anxiety; most people have likely not heard of, or at least do know much about, Social Anxiety, and many people would not think to think of themselves as depressed because they're not crying in bed twenty-four hours a day and dressing in all-black (a major exaggeration, I know, but many people are prone to seeing it this way). They type in what they do know--that they feel "alone," that they "don't have many friends," that they "can't talk to people," and, for whatever reason, Asperger's Syndrome and autism are what comes up on their screens. They read some of the symptoms or forum posts and think "Hey, I can relate to this! This mentions feeling alone, too!", and, they think that they've found the answer. For some, it may be the right answer; for some, it may not be, and maybe they do not know enough about diagnostic criteria to see that they do not fit it, or maybe they seem themselves in a more "autistic" light than perhaps a psychologist would see them. In any case, they see something that they can relate to, and it makes them feel a little better that an answer, any answer exists; not many teenagers would think to keep looking for answers if they think they've already found it, so they accept this as it is.

Of course, one can argue that some autistic people that genuinely can improve their conditions do not do so, but this is true for most people--changing takes effort, and most people do not like to expend more effort than necessary.



I see the point that you are trying to make--that mere social isolation, in and of itself, does not qualify one to be on the autistic spectrum--but being disliked by one's peers, in and of itself, does create very deep struggles and daily turmoils. Rejection is a powerful and painful emotion. When one is in pain, when one experiences struggles and turmoils, one tries to find answers. A loner may see, for example, that people with autism also feel the powerful and painful emotion of rejection, and, if that is the answer that makes the most sense to them, then they may cling to that answer. Of course, that may be the "wrong" answer in many cases, but, at the moment, it's an answer, and it makes the world seem a little less confusing and overwhelming. Also, anybody getting "beat-up" for any reason in any place does have the right to claim a difficulty in their lives; it may be a common difficulty, but its commonality doesn't make it hurt any less or make the wounds heal any faster.

Of course, many people likely are misdiagnosed or mis-self-diagnosed, but I cannot fault a person for seeking answers to the problems that plague them.

Also, ditto pretty much every word that bumble said.

I hope that your sleeplessness resolves.

I lurked on Wrong Planet before I was diagnosed because I felt if I came here without the diagnosis I'd be trespassing. I was screened by a licensed clinical psychologist who's specialty is autism and Asperger's. I don't have an obvious case of it so sometimes I get doubted even by medical professionals. If I looked or acted like Rain Man or Dr. Sheldon Cooper, it would be a walk in the park. My brothers wouldn't doubt it.

I've studied the DSM-V criteria very closely myself and I do find I am a perfect it. The diagnosis really does explain all my awkwardness, my light sensitivity, my stimming, my inability to make and maintain friends, my tendency of saying the wrong things in conversation, my inability to relate to other adults my age and other quirks.

+1

Seems fair to me. I'd have done the same.

Yeah, like if depression and social anxiety disorder weren't real disabilities but just stuff one can "get over". Depression and social anxiety are real disorders and they can be just as severe as AS, or even more. Christine has both depression and social anxiety and it's not like she has any less problems than I have.

Yeah I hate those teens as well :/
I mean, I am a teen myself, they make every teen with Asperger's look like idiotic nerds who are stuck up and f***ed up enough to want to have a disorder. And while it is true that in middle school no one in my class liked me, now that I am in HS people don't hate me and they just get along with me.
I don't see why one would need an excuse to be a loner; those teens are just dumb attention seekers to me. I don't know if I am judging them too harshly, but that's what I think.
And anyway I don't feel that AS makes me unique and special; it is true that I am unique but that's not because of AS, but because I am a person and every person is unique; everyone is also special, which means that no is more special than others.

My mother found out about AS and wanted to get me tested. I was tested by three different psychiatrists: two of them diagnosed me with AS and ADD (that had previously been diagnosed when I was 6); the other one said I didn't have AS but social anxiety and ADD. My official diagnostic paper is now that with AS and ADD. I did nothing to look "more autistic" but I tried to be just me, that's the only think I can be

+1

It can work. However, like all forms of therapy, how well it works depends on how well the therapist thinks it will work, and how well the patient thinks it will work. So it is basically a really good placebo.

I can think of worse things than that some people kind of look up to an autism spectrum diagnosis---there is so much negativity and prejudice in our world. Yes, people claiming to have an autism spectrum disorder who might not be diagnosed with ASD may change what this is understood to mean.

But maybe some people looking up to the label is also bringing some safety and acceptance for people who once would have had less of that. And that's incredibly valuable to all of us, and all of our children.

It does not help me make friends or stop me from being bullied.

I was very positive when I left school about bullying. I thought people outside of school would be more matured and grown up and that I had seen the last of being bullied now that I was a young adult. I was very very wrong in that assumption. The bullying followed me and turned up at work and online later on in my life.

I tried all methods to stop the bullying from trying to change myself to trying to fit in to telling people/reporting it, to ignoring it to standing up for myself. All it did was make things worse.

So I have used positive thinking...I believed that the bullying would not occur again and/or that if it did I would be able to stop it...I was wrong on both counts. I really really believed so I know that positive thinking does not work..one major component of CBT.

Also I don't have feelings of worthlessness...People keep assuming I do because I have a depression diagnosis because I went to my dr and said I felt sad and I can sometimes feel suicidal due to the bullying and/or social isolation I have experienced, especially whilst it is happening. Things improve a bit if I am not being bullied and have people in life who accept me for myself...something I struggle to find. It is a double edge sword because if I am completely socially isolated I can be lonely and become depressed, too much socialising and I become exhausted and horribly stressed out as a result (as I cannot make anyone understand that making social chit chat is tiring and hard and mentally exhausting and it won't help me relax or energise me when I a tired...it will exhaust me plain and simple). Ergo I burn out and crash...badly. Just can't function...all I can do is sleep until the exhaustion passes.

People are so stressful to deal with...always needed to talk, always needing me to pay them attention, keeping up with their complaints about stuff I am not doing right all the time, their constantly complaining that I don't answer the phone or chit chat every day or moaning because I want to go and do something by myself for a while and so on and so forth.

As for worthless I don't even understand what that feels like. Neither do I hate myself...I understand I am too tired to chat even if they world doesn't...so why am I going to be hard on myself? Society isn't always right, experts are not always right, and I'm an individual...I hate living in a world where I am made to feel wrong because I don't enjoy being social 24 hours a day. It's the main reason I don't cope with friendships...too much...I only need a few hours of social interaction here and there over the course of a week. That is more than enough to satisfy any social urgings i have for general chit chats. I like slightly more interaction if the person shares my interest (I am not very good at pretending to be interested in things that don't interests me) and we can chat about that or if the person is a lover and I have feelings for them. Other wise I am too elusive for most people. "you never answer your phone, the door, my message, my text...complain complain complain" (says I complaining about the complaining other people do). So CBT doesn't help with that.

I have tried therapy and it seems to make me worse. The pressure to socialise when I am tired for example and do not feel like talking or do not have the energy for chit chat makes me crash. The loss of my hobby time which is rejuvenating and beneficial for me also compounds that as I don't get any time to recharge my energies by pottering around on my own for a while. The frustration of not being able to get my therapist to understand me or what I mean or what my feelings are and are not further adds to my problem and results in my either pulling from therapy or coming home and getting upset to the point of hitting myself on the head out of sheer frustration and the related emotional overload....which I don't cope with. My emotions are too intense...I cannot process them when they are like that.

Sitting down and doing breathing exercises wind me up...I hate them with a passion. I prefer movement if i want to calm down. I need to move or be in a vehicle that is moving.

I don't always enjoy socialising either which is annoying as I want to socialise but when I do I get so bored with the sitting around chit chatting about mundane stuff I couldn't give a crap about taht I just want to get the hell out of there so i can go back to being on my own again.

I have visitors, after half an hour I want them to go away as they are disturbing my hobby time.

I actually turn invites to go out out because I don't feel like socialising, which my therapist puts down to depression. Actually I am not feeling depressed at the time, I just want to stay in with my stitching or whichever other hobby I am most interested in at the time. Or I just want to potter around by myself, just being myself without having to be anything at all.

Therapy has been nightmare for me in the past. I can't get my therapist or drs to understand anything and so it just seems to further upset me which is not always a good thing especially I really don't want to give myself a concussion because I couldn't explain my thoughts and feelings properly to my therapist again.

My not wearing day wear in the house put down to depression...has to do with sensitivity...I find most day wear uncomfortable.
My routines put down to OCD...I don't want to change them, I want people to accept them. They cause me no distress in and of themselves, people trying to force me to change them is what causes me upset. I like doing things the same way over and over again...if I didn't I'd change it. I can't seem to get this across to the therapist.

Plus they rush me for replies...it takes me a while. Verbally, in person, I am often slow to respond, even at times where you would expect a fast response. Ie today I walked into someone again...not unusual for me, I'm clumsy and not always very graceful (I trip on pavement stones, walk into lamp posts, drop things, knock things over etc as well)...and although I knew to say sorry, it took me several seconds to think up the words and spit them out of my mouth. So you get a delayed response with me. I will answer some of her question as quickly as i can but the rest of the reply will come to me several minutes later, by which point she has moved on....then I can't finish explaining as people don't like it when you go back to a subject you are supposed to have moved on from, and that frustrates me.

CBT is horrible.

There are HFA/AS people who are nearly normal. It is had to understand I know. I have met one.

They say BILL GATES is ASPIE and I always thought, how can he possibly have the same condition I have ?

We are just lower functioning.

Maybe a lower functioning person than me thinks she has nothing like my condition.

I'd like to clear a bit of air here since my post came off as quite aggressive it seems. When I had written it this morning, I was still fuzzy from my sleeping pills and was in a very "low" place. I don't want to cast judgement or belittle you people, as we are all here for one reason or another. I honestly have no quarrel with anyone being here, this is a free and public forum and I understand that you are searching for something. I have been on this forum for years, yet it wasn't until this year that I became officially diagnosed. The process of finding someone to do it for an adult was just hell, I've been searching for someone for 4 years but to no avail and finally have it medically documented by an ASD specialist. So I completely understand to why someone would come here, even without an ASD diagnosis, however my ONLY issue is those that claim to ASD with no medical proof whatsoever and happily tell everybody like "look at me I have Aspergers, aren't I unique"? Since I have been in such a low place this entire week, it made me really agitated reading the threads about people complaining because their doctor won't agree to diagnose them with ASD as if they WANTED to be Autistic (which I can't comprehend). Struggling like I am right now and watching people fishing for ASD diagnosis like it's a cool thing to latch onto just really urked me because I'm sitting here with actual ASD wanting to pill myself and people are all like "omg I don't like people i'm autistic".

To all those who come here for a place to vent and relate to others and have open discussion about ASD I have no problem with you whatsoever. Without you all this forum wouldn't exist. The people I am referring to know their "type", and the contributors to this thread have been nothing but genuine people looking for discussion which is great.

I hope everyone can see what I'm trying to say here, I'm not bashing people who relate to the spectrum and want to discuss it here or gain more knowledge. I'm bashing the people who aren't ASD at all and just want something to latch onto for a crutch or excuse as to why nobody likes them and how they are so "different".

I was hauled into a doctor's office in my mid thirties for a diagnosis literally kicking and screaming. I was there at the request of the legal system due to several meltdown incidents that were very public and not pretty.

Because of my background and past occupation I was referred to a psychiatrist for PTSD. Thier response was disturbing in that the initial findings were conclusive that this was not the issue but something more inherent to me personally, not caused by an event or series of events or environment.

It was noted by a medical doctor that I was hypersensitive to sound, light and touch, hyposensitive to pain. A speech therapist reported that I had little control over speech volume (generally too loud) and that my phrasing and rhythm was not "typical" and monotone. Pronunciation and word choice was also "different". A neurologist confirmed that there was no physical or mental impairments but some nerves seemed to be "slow" and some seemed to send "incomplete instructions" making some tasks difficult or impossible such as hitting a moving ball with a bat, I walked with an odd gait but possessed the fine motor skills in other activities as well as the ability to memorize large amounts of data. I was also administered IQ tests (several different ones) that put me in the "well above average" category. It was also reported that on current affairs and culture I had no interest, opinion or even real knowledge.

A psychologist noted that my cognitive empathy was non-existent and my emotional empathy was also off. It was also stated that I had little or no sympathy/compassion for others in distress and responded only with what I was trained to do in situations and scenarios, if I was in a scenario that I had no trained response for I would shut down and look for guidance.

Also in testing and assessment it was reported that I would "loop" on a subject or even a movie where it would become all consuming for a period of time and then be dropped. Sometimes for time period of only a week, other times for periods of months. It was also reported that on two specific subjects, I was at an "unhealthy level" of obsession and could be regarded as an expert, one I actually had been trained in and one that was a hobby. This was regarded as "unhealthy" as I had a vast amount of memorized data which I could and would relay to people whether they requested it or not. I am sure they tested for a variety of other things throughout the process.

Now imagine when my family was also interviewed (several times each) with my parents being questioned about my childhood and growing up. My brothers being asked about thier relationship with me and my relationship with other people and school experiences. The panel of specialists ate up this information. They even contacted my friends and a couple of ex-girlfriends and asked them what could be called very personal questions. This is a little embarrassing and uncomfortable for everyone and really, how can any of these people treat me the same way after this. Most are still close friends which I am thankful for.

This was not a ten hour assessment by one person. This was invasive, embarrassing and emotionally damaging. This went on for months with discussions, "therapies", me refusing all drugs, meltdowns, depression, etc. No single person sat with me and stated unequivocally "you are on the spectrum" but it was the consensus of several professionals from multiple disciplines deciding to LABEL me.

Do I have a piece of paper that I could show you that says I am diagnosed as 299.80 Asperger's Disorder under the criteria of the DSM IV (even though technically Canada uses the ICD-10-CA as adopted in 2000)? Nope, it was only presented as a "possibility" to Crown Council in the determination on laying charges and it was agreed upon that Law Enforcement withdraw their recommendation due to "medical and mental health observation that may require follow up" and that the public interest would be better served through a negotiated solution involving voluntary therapy and an informal guardianship by immediate family members. There is nothing that binds any of us to this but there hasn't been a major incident in 15 years so whatever is happening seems to be working.

Do I want a piece of paper I could show you that I was diagnosed, hell no. There is no benefit to it, nor do I have to justify to anyone who and what I am. I am just me. I had survived for 35 years prior to testing, I was still functional and able to be independent, it was just a case of learning control, I had long ago learned by trial and error how to mask who I was and "fit in"(which probably explained the long, drawn out assessment).

Do I associate with the Autistic Community? Yes I do, but I am far from being the stereotype Aspie by today's internet and media definition. I don't suffer from anxiety, depression or any other comorbid and I am actually quite a social person. But that doesn't mean there are not problems, there are people that find me very offensive, some people even yell at me to get the away from them or to just shut up. I really don't expect people to always like me, in fact most people I meet just don't. Every couple months one of my bosses will get a letter requesting I be disciplined or fired (almost always ignored now, in previous jobs it usually led to dismissal) but I also get the most thank you type letters in the companies as well.

I am not an emotionless robot but I realize that my lack of reciprocity and literal view of, well, everything does not equal a long term emotional relationship, I have long accepted that I live alone without a "life partner." I don't need to justify this with a diagnosis of something wrong, it is just my reality.

I don't wear this as a badge, it is not a crutch, I hate what I am, I didn't ask to be labelled and thank goodness that there is no "official diagnosis" of record because that little thing could limit my life possibilities. But when someone asks me "what the hell is wrong with you?" I will tell them, unfortunately in great detail.

Last edited by Quintex on 08 Dec 2013, 8:11 am, edited 1 time in total.