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edaspie
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12 Dec 2013, 4:12 pm

Hello people.

i'm 54 and was just diagnosed Mar 12, 2013 before the DSM V came out and discontinued Asperger Disorder as a recognized disorder. (i always type small i's).

Coping with change has always been a problem for me. Since my last parent died Jul 14, 2010 i have been living independently for the first time in my life. That change, i see now, put me into a culture shock of simply trying to "exist" from day to day, until a couple of weeks ago. Then some event must have awakened me to what i was doing to myself, which is to say, "existing" in survival mode on Disability and not "living" a life.

Change is now a gigantic problem for me, and knowing why should help somewhat. Knowing i'm an "aspie" at least tells me the truth about why, but not how to overcome. Not just because of the culture shock, but any, absolutely any changes range from merely irritating me to freaking me out completely.

i also have a huge problem socializing with any presence of mind, and not offending NTs.
i also am a social phobic, but have always felt the need to socialize to participate in this civilization.

If any of you knowledgeable persons (fellow aspies) can help me, please reply please.
Any suggestion or idea is a good one, no matter how small or big or insignificant it may seem to you to be.
i thank you in advance for your time with me. :?: :!:



Last edited by edaspie on 12 Dec 2013, 6:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

redrobin62
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12 Dec 2013, 4:42 pm

I don't socialize, either. In fact I'm almost an urban hermit. I get out of not offending NT's by avoiding them altogether. On occasion one of my neighbours might say hi. If they try to get me into a conversation I try to be as light and brief with my answers as possible and take off before they start suspecting anything.



lelia
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12 Dec 2013, 5:34 pm

Knowing that change is hard is the first step. When I realized I had Asperger's, I could give up most of the anger I directed toward my husband every time he changed. I thought he was wishy-washy, but the truth was that he was flexible and I was rigid. I realized I needed to give up my rigidity. Change is still hard, but it has lost its immmoral component for me and I am coping better.



edaspie
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12 Dec 2013, 6:26 pm

Isolation for me personally is not an option.

Change is hard, that's the first step. You realized something about your relationship when you realized the characteristics about Aspergers. That prompted you to change your behaviour with your hubby. You realized the characteristics about Aspergers. Have i?
Change is hard because it is both unknown and unpredictable.
Change might involve dreaded socializing.



ASPartOfMe
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13 Dec 2013, 6:08 am

Take daily walks just to get some air

"Overcoming" might be the wrong way of going about it. It's negative, about what we can't do.
For 5+ decades you have been burying your true aspie self. That is why you have been "existing" but not living. The 'awakening" is a start there is still a lot of Aspie Ed trapped screaming to get to the surface.

Pursue your interests. Join forums related to those topics, research the topics not just on the internet but at the library. Libraries have material you can't get from google.

If there are aspie support groups in your area check them out, it's socializing true but you won't be judged for your mannerisms or if you need a break. Some people that never got along with people find connecting with other aspies almost natural.

I am recently diagnosed 50 something trying to become myself also. It's hard and emotionally messy but I do feel a lot more alive. I still have a ways to go.

Good luck


_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person. - Sara Luterman


edaspie
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16 Dec 2013, 8:02 am

Support groups. There is one here over the winter, but i have trouble convincing myself to take the bus in bad areas at night.
Yeah i have to trust my personal GOD. That may sound funny, but at the least it is a great coping skill.

Daily walks. Yeah my psych and sister both told me the same thing. Very hard for a social phobic social autistic with agoraphobia (fear of gettin' out the door where i've had panic attacks). Yet it is "do it or lose it."

Awakening not Overcoming. Good point. Good thought. But i do have to "overcome" the phobias, which i don't think i mentioned previously.

Join forums. Don't know how but will dern well learn. Like social media... wanna but quite confusing.

Libraries? Haven't been in one for years. Interesting prospect! There's one just up the road...

Good luck. Thank you!
All the Best to you ASPartOfMe!
:D



ASPartOfMe
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16 Dec 2013, 4:58 pm

edaspie wrote:
Support groups. There is one here over the winter, but i have trouble convincing myself to take the bus in bad areas at night.
Yeah i have to trust my personal GOD. That may sound funny, but at the least it is a great coping skill.

Daily walks. Yeah my psych and sister both told me the same thing. Very hard for a social phobic social autistic with agoraphobia (fear of gettin' out the door where i've had panic attacks). Yet it is "do it or lose it."

Awakening not Overcoming. Good point. Good thought. But i do have to "overcome" the phobias, which i don't think i mentioned previously.

Join forums. Don't know how but will dern well learn. Like social media... wanna but quite confusing.

Libraries? Haven't been in one for years. Interesting prospect! There's one just up the road...

Good luck. Thank you!
All the Best to you ASPartOfMe!
:D


For finding forums. If your interest is for example railroads just google something like "railroad forums","railroad message board". After that it is a similar to the way you got here. Do what is called "lurking". Read the comments, see if you like the tone of the conversation and what is being discussed. If you don't like it not move on to another one. When you find one you like register. Write a post introducing yourself write about how you got interested in the topic etc.

As far as going outside I don't know if this will help but remember most of the time everybody is so busy interacting with their smartphones, rushing to their next destination they are not going to notice you.


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Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person. - Sara Luterman


edaspie
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16 Dec 2013, 8:00 pm

:D

Sincerely Thank You, ASPartOfMe, edaspie.

:D



BenoitMtl
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16 Dec 2013, 8:48 pm

Hi,

I'm 40 and I understand what you mean by "do not like change". I will give you advise I followed. It was never natural for me and finally I enjoyed benefits from them... Perhaps it will work for you ..

- Do baby step to adopt a new routine. Think about what you did with your parents, what you can continue to do now. Change nothing in this. For all forced change you must do, try to find something you like a lot and add it to your routine.
- Try to walk and take fresh air. It's very easy for us to stay days at home... Me I took my camera and went at sunrise each morning. Nobody in the street and you can enjoy the calm.
- Support group: It can be this forum, other places... even if you don't want people to contact you, it can be good to have people to talk when you need.

Best of luck with all of this.



ASPartOfMe
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17 Dec 2013, 1:43 pm

edaspie wrote:
:D

Sincerely Thank You, ASPartOfMe, edaspie.

:D


You are welcome


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Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person. - Sara Luterman