Is it easier for gay or straight aspies?

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Give him a hug

On the one hand, I sort of doubt that it's easier for anyone to be gay than to be straight, let alone people with AS/HFA, as society places a huge pressure on people to "fit in", and "fitting in" for men entails being straight, as the majority of men are straight, and gay/bisexual men are often seen as being perverted or weak, when in reality they're just the same as anyone else.

On the other hand, since gay people and people with AS/HFA are often seen as being "social outcasts", it may be easier for people with HFA/AS to get along with people in the gay community, or gay people to get along with people in the AS/HFA community, since there may be some form of solidarity in being "different" and not "fitting in".

I'm guessing more lays but lesser overal chance of survival what concerns gay aspie males.

Hard to say. On the one hand, the numbers are obviously on the side of straight people (whether aspies or not), but on the other, there may be some social benefit to being part of a gay community - and there is no real heterosexual equivalent. Maybe that gay community would also be more accepting of aspies, same as WP seems to be more accepting of uncommon sexuality and gender identity than the general society? It makes sense, I think: when you already accept that you're "different" in one way it's not such a big deal to be different in a second way. I suspect I personally might have found it easier if I was gay, but hey, who knows - the grass is always greener on the other side.

Although it's not for me to say, a friend of mine touched on this subject not long ago. She thought it strange that I was perpetually single. I think I explained to her that among other things I just don't approach women because I don't understand the protocol and fear being a lech. She told us that if I were gay I'd be luckier as men are much likelier to come onto you. By gay friends who have done to me in the past I'm inclined to agree, because I can remember few if any incidents of the same happening to me with lasses. Or maybe I'm actually more appealing to gay men than straight women in society.

This friend is gay and her circles of friends are almost exclusively LGBT (and fair enough to that, they're much more interesting people), but she went out with a few breeder girls in her year around the same time and was surprised at how they were more likely to call a woman on the street "hot" than a man, and there was quite a lot of objectification over fellow women like that. An interesting side-note I guess.

This is, well, interesting.

I am not against homosexuality, but whatever works for you.

Easier for gays or straights? Hmmm…

All of this is purely speculation.

Advantages of being gay (male) in general
- men might be more willing to mix, date, and have casual sex, they might earn more money and be more self-secure
- once you "deal with" the baggage society gives you for being gay, you might be a lot more tolerant than people in general
- in Australia, no matter how ugly or under-employed you are, you can get a high gay status just by working hard at the gym

Problems that many people don't think about for gays
- only 5% of men are gay so that's a tiny group to pick from
- gays concentrate in large cities so anyone NOT in a large city has <5% available
- quite a lot of gays want to be identified as "top" or "bottom" and that sexual compatibility needs to be accommodated
- gays dropped dead by the thousands in the late 1980s and early 1990s so there are not many relationship role models for guys my age
- gays are oppressed and have far fewer relationships as teenagers to practise basic romantic skills
- gays judge on appearance very quickly

I don't see the it's so different for those with Aspergers, except MAYBE
- men are more "logical" and less emotional in general; so perhaps dating a NT girl would REALLY suck, but maybe NT boys are slightly closer to AS
- gays are used to understanding "different" people and also perhaps "not judging" because they've been through it; maybe they could accept AS more readily
- if more men have AS, that means that gay men should be more used to AS in comparison to straight people (because straight men date women (less AS) and straight women have straight female friends, but most gay men have many many male friends)
- potentially men (and therefore gay men) are less emotional about sex, and that might suit those with AS getting laid at least

You know what sucks more than trying to decipher body language? Trying to decipher body language as a gay, (potentially) aspie male. I'm starting to build up an aversion to attractive, friendly dudes because I honestly can't tell if they are flirting or just being friendly. The brain strain is too much.

They are called "Catholics"

Before I learned what Asperger's was and the ins and outs of my little odd ball of having it there were many mornings I would look in the mirror and say to myself "I'm so happy I'm gay, there's no way I could put up with having to deal with dating women." Most women in general don't care for my company as they always comment how I somehow always "make them feel bad for how they feel." Dating men though I find is fairly easy as gay men tend to focus on small talk less and the hyper-male mind that we aspies sort of eminate comes across as very sexy to many gay men. The problem I find is just getting to the dating stage. Our focus on logic and efficiency makes the first part of the dating process very difficult as we tend to get excited and don't really think we have a reason to wait on our expressions of interest. Gay men in my experience hate this because many men in general today it seems by nature are averse to effort. They want to be approached, they want to be flirted with, they want you to do the work. But then have this obnoxious sense of power in that because now that you have started the process, its your responsibility to keep them entertained or they can move on and they can say that they were just uninterested. Its win-win for them. Yeah the system is screwed up by that's been my reality. Once you find a guy that doesn't do that though and appreciates your excitement its pretty smooth sailing.

In high-school I had a guy tell me he loved me and would do anything for me (including getting a sex change when I said I was only interested in girls). The coffee guy across the street's dad came and yelled at me for supposedly leading on his son (see limerance). I intervened in a brawl after a football game and apparently saved some gay kid who tried to follow me around after.

In the process of accidentally saving the gay kid I impressed a girl who did a little obvious flirting with me then went and sat chatting with her friends. I went and sat down next to her, we chatted for a bit, I made out with her and she wanted to come over to my place... but she would not give me her number and I couldn't figure out why. It also turned out she had tailgated too hard and 2 hours later was still trashed, though there was no alcohol nearby when I met her. halfway walking to my apartment she changed her mind and had a panic attack and that almost ended badly for me, even though I just took her back to her friends when she asked.

Dating would be much easier and present many more opportunities for me if I was gay. Can't speak for others.

Now that I think about it, fighting has been my most successful lure for girls. Every time I get in a fight I get attention, including one time from a hot girl who had already turned me down twice! On the other hand I hate getting into fights (especially now that I am less suicidal) and cannot allow myself to be in a relationship where that forms the base.

IAW Bomir, I think Asperger's is attractive to gays, as is intelligence and passion. Gays tend to have a sense of humour and constant need to joke around (including lots of innuendo) and that is easy to deal with (compared to complicated straight women and macho straight men).

On the negative side, it's hard to cope with small-talk even in little doses, I'm always keen to manipulate the conversation into something interesting. I think the NT boys have some way of just enjoying hanging out which I can't identify with, I can't resist trying to achieve something in a conversation. Regarding gays specifically, so many of them put in no effort, and then whinge about not meeting anyone decent. I mean, if you don't have any hobbies, anything intelligent to say, and won't approach people, then what do you expect!? If you were only 5% of the population, rather than being fussy I'd reckon you'd have to be more open to meeting people.

Conversely, I feel that if you're the one who approached, you should expect to do some extra work initially, clearly you're the one who spotted something about them you liked, proportionately more than he saw in you. Yes you have to work to show what you've got to offer.