Reactions to Special Interests

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How do you react when you try to tell someone you like (like a family member, etc.) about your Special Interest and they cut you off, roll their eyes or get angry at you?

Do you get angry? Do you get depressed, quiet and withdrawn as I do? Do you ignore it and continue?

Has anyone learned not to (or become too affraid to) talk about your Special Interest/s to certain people due to their previous reactions?

Has anyone learned not to talk about them at all through fear of others' reactions? It's a horrible way to be.

I've reached a point where I've become paranoid about fearing boring people. I often say "If I'm boring you, just say so!" Do you think this is a good approach?

Last edited by ImAnAspie on 18 Dec 2013, 9:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I dont think anyone has the right to get angry at you for just being bored about your interests. If you find it difficult to tell if someone is bored, no harm in asking them.

If it is something they are offended by, for example if you said you liked hunting and this person was a vegan type. Try and focus on the things you have in common, most people are good spirited and have the desire to get along and respect other peoples choices. So switch away from the stuff they do not want to hear, talk about something else or ask their opinion. Listen to their point of view with interest and try to draw parallels, do not argue/debate! Leave conflicts unspoken, respect each others right to have differing opinions.

If they cannot respect this, f**k 'em. They are more immature than you

Does not happen much anymore. If someone wants me to talk about something well, it is either about those, in repetitive phrases, or usually have to ask simple questions.

It's Myna birds - hardly offensive. I got in trouble for talking about them again. Now I'm affraid to mention them and I have to keep sensoring what I say just incase I start talking about them again.

How old are you?

You shouldn't be getting in trouble about discussing your interest regardless of age, but as an adult it is particularly ridiculous. Your interest is part of who you are, if people are choosing to associate with you they need to accept this interest as part of you. Otherwise it is forcibly trying to change or repress you, which is all kinds of f'ked up. If this is your family they may not have a choice, but still they should accept who you are.

If someone I knew was very strongly religious/evangelical, I would accept them being preachy and comparing everything to biblical quotes. If I didn't like it, I would go elsewhere and not associate with them.

If you like myna birds, I am sure there is an endless list of facts about them that you can relate to the rest of the world, even human problems. Reality is like that, parallels everywhere. People should be eager to hear about your expertise. I personally find it much more annoying when people have NO interest or passions.

I'm 46. I'm living with my Mum at the moment and she's okay with it because she understands and is very patient. Although she's never officially been diagnosed, we all feel she's an Aspie as well and she doesn't deny it.

It's a woman who used to be my partner - we know each other very well - we're still friends but she's got a terribly short fuse. After all the years we were together, I guess I've bored her so many times talking about my Interests.

I guess to be fair, I can understand because if she talks about something I'm not interested, I just switch her off - I don't mean to. I just can't seem to keep focused on stuff that bores me no-matter how hard I try.

I don't have anyone else I can talk to. I don't have (or really want) friends.

i loose intrest in the conversation entirely and end it, i learned to stop talking about it with strangers though

I know that the things that are most interesting to me are just not interesting to most, so I just don't talk about them unless I know the person is interested--or so close to me they will indulge me in a monologue (sometimes so good!)

But basically, I keep it to myself. I don't want to be "that guy" -- even so, whenever they want to know about the weather at work, they ask me, because they all know I am unusually interested in meteorology.

I would not say, "If I'm boring you, just say so!" except to friends. I think it's better just to keep it to myself, unless I am in a group or setting where it's appropriate to let it out.

I usually don't talk about my special interests. No point to, unless I saw the potential for conversation with someone who actually understands me... someone who wouldn't make me feel like a brainiac and an alien, meaning they would probably be just as passionate as I am. Tsk, me, boring? No, they bore me.

If I were in a situation where I decided to share a special interest and didn't get an adequate reaction, then I would just let the conversation die then withdraw, marking in my mind to not share my special interests with this person.

My main "thing" has always been Science Fiction and Fantasy (in books, movies, comics, games, whatever) and I learned not to talk about it because of the eye-rolling and sneering. I got pretty ashamed of my interest - although it's harmless it's often seen as low-brow and juvenile and people often told me so.

In the past five years or so "Geek Culture" has become more mainstream and acceptable so I feel better about myself.

It's just a shame that this didn't happen when I was younger...

I generally dont talk to people about my special interests, if they dont have the same interest anyway. So I do not hide them, but if someone is not doing that interest himself, I dont go into lecturing about it.

It's clearly awesome that you really like myna birds. I'd love to know more about them. And yes, it is hurtful when someone cuts you off.

Perhaps she was thinking about something that was making her angry at the moment when you spoke to her.

At 46 you may have already decided who you are/want to be. But from your statement of "having nobody else to talk to" I see hints of wanting something more, perhaps expanding your social circle.

To do this you will have to change a little, in trying to find things about other people and their lives interesting. If you have no common ground with other people, almost impossible to be friends with them. This does not mean repressing your love of myna birds, but adding to this interest with others.

If you are 46, it is certainly not too late to do this.
If you like, almost any hobby is a gateway to friends. They usually give something for an Aspie to sink their teeth into aswell in terms of geeking out and learning.

I've gotten to where I don't talk about mine at all in real life for fear of other people's reactions. The only people I feel safe talking about my special interests with are my dad, my aunt, and friends here on WP. If I find someone IRL (which doesn't happen often) who shares even one of my interests, I talk about them then as much as I like, of course.

Last edited by LtlPinkCoupe on 26 Dec 2013, 10:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My special interest is in chess, I try to only talk to persons who I know have an interest in chess as well. I find it frustrating trying to talk to someone who is not knowledgeable about chess because to most persons it is just a game. Whereas for me it is a: logical, mathematical, scientific refuge for my mind. I like how the 12th Chess World Champion Anatoly Karpov put it: chess is everything: art, science and sport.

At one point, I was writing a book about a special interest of mine. I did tons of research, and worked really hard on it. But my husband hated the amount of time I spent on it, and he reacted this way invariably if I brought up the subject. What hurt the most was that he would talk a lot about his own interests, but as soon as I started to talk about mine, he would roll his eyes or say something like, "That again?"



All of the above. I also tried ignoring others' reactions, but that is hard for me because my interests are really central to my identity. When others reject those interests, it feels as if they are rejecting me. What I have had to learn is that a lot of other people don't see their interests as inseparable from themselves; therefore, it is easier for them to accept that not everyone will share those interests, and not feel rejected for it.



Absolutely have been there--I never wrote the book I intended. It has been on the shelf for nearly six years. Even now I would like to pick it up again, but can't work up the enthusiasm for it.



I think it is a great approach. You acknowledge that you care about the other person's interest, and give them the opportunity to state their feelings. What I find confusing is, many people will insist they aren't bored...even if they are. I don't know why they seem to think this is "polite". To me it's just confusing.

That said, you may be lucky enough to find people who are indeed very interested in the things that matter to you. My supervisor specializes in chough (Eurasian corvid) research; he doesn't need to talk about choughs to everyone, though, because he corresponds with other birdwatchers and researchers who share that interest. He's taught me a lot about choosing venues for discussing very specific interests. Today, I restrict my special interest discussion to people at museums, archives, natural history collections etc. who share my interests. But even then, sometimes a person you think will be really excited to talk with you...isn't. Ultimately, if you talk to people who are in positions related to your interests, you will find others who do want to discuss the things you care about. Good luck!