Acting formal as a way to compensate for social skills

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I can't STAND being formal!! !

Yes I do this and have had people say to me "you are so formal" and it many years ago that it was said. Not sure if people see me as less formal now or not.

I am very formal, mostly at work. I remain very professional and have a difficult time relating to my co-workers on a more personal level. It's just easier and more natural for me to express my thoughts in formal language and to try and remain as professional as possible so that I don't end up unconsciously doing something socially wrong.

Good social graces as a way of compensating for poor social skills. Yes, I do this. I've done it all my life. Social graces are easy to learn; they're much simpler than the social skills you need for more complex situations, and the same rule typically applies in all similar situations: you don't have to keep track of tiny little nuances in individual situations.

Here's a page on social styles in autism:

http://www.awares.org/static_docs/about ... cSection=3

This paragraph may be of interest to you:

You're not alone, I've been doing this all the time ever since I was a kid. In fact, people often compliment me for my politeness because of my tendency to act formally. I'm not sure exactly how I started, but I just know that it's gotten me a lot of nice things.

The funny thing is, whenever I "let myself go", I can act rather un-formal. When it comes to formality, either I'm all out with it, or I don't even bother.

I know I speak in a formal manner; at work, around strangers, or even online. I can turn it on or off at will. It's definitely a mask to ensure that no one detects what I'm truly like underneath. While I'm not ashamed of who I am, it's obviously important to behave appropriately in some situations.

Once I do turn it off, I let loose, and can be quite childish, though this is generally reserved only to those who are closest to me. It's quite liberating being able to just be me once I get home

This is interesting. I always thought that I was quiet formal because of my upbringing. My family are kind of posh. My parents are public school educated, but didn't end up with the same sort of wage as their parents so I ended up in mainstream education (not that I think that was bad for me from an educational perspective). I found it very difficult to fit in. From a young age I was taught very strict manners and then I was in an environment where I was with children who didn't care about these manners. School life was a nightmare. I just couldn't adapt. I have gradually toned down my posh accent and sound less formal. But I can't believe how long it has taken me to adapt. Even now people are a bit suspicious of me.

I've never had money so I don't fit in with posh people, but regular people like me don't like the way I talk and think my manners are too fussy. I don't feel like anyone accepts me.

I like good manners. But then I like rules. I like knowing that you are meant to say please and thank you and that sort of thing because it gives me a little bit of confidence with how to behave. However, I have been made fun of for being too posh, but I've never been sure if that's due to aspieness or my family background.

I don't think I behave in a formal way.

I think you have to behave formal in court, but not at work or anywhere else.

I struggle with formal.

Being formal works great. I do it to avoid problems and most people appreciate it. When I loosen up, I am so blunt that it puts people off if they don't know me well.

I'm very formal as well which works great for working in sales and customer service.But I get very lost when I get stuck in personal situations with my co-workers or when customers try to take the conversation to a personal level... The funny thing is my family is VERY informal, so I never put this together. It's certainly a mask.

... Actually, I speak in a formal way because I tend to repeat the sentences I hear on TV/read in books and comics since I was little

About behaviour, I look either angry, bitter or cold, not formal. There's a difference, I guess?

I speak in a more formal way than most people, because I don't like being talked to as though I'm a Valley Girl Bimbo.

I do this all the time as well. Luckily in grad school an element of this is expected and so I can generally get away with it. Small talk makes me shudder though. My mom was a professional musician and so I was essentially raised in a concert hall. Again, there was a very strict set of prescribed social rules that I could learn. I've enjoyed martial arts for the same reason. I somewhat rely on filling my life with activities that have more concrete social expectations.