Cliques at work

Post Reply New Topic

I notice people fall into different cliques and gain acceptance really easily but this never happens to me I'm always the loner. It doesn't matter and it shouldn't bother me because it's more of a blessing not to have to deal with them, but this has been a pattern in my life and there is part of me that feels like I don't measure up. Is this just inevitable? And why would I even care? Part of me does.

I feel that people can see my aspergers symptoms but they don't know about aspergers so they just come to their own conclusions about why I'm like this and write me off. If I was going to identify with any group it would be aspies. But I can't do it openly I feel I have to keep it secret and so most people would see me as not identifying with anything.

Last edited by jerry00 on 22 Dec 2013, 11:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

That's been the case for me as well, what it comes down to I think is the people who are included have better social skills, so not only do they integrate better due to their own efforts but they come across as much more social, and sometimes people can be somewhat unreasonable and think that because you're not outwardly social that you're "moody", and if you're articulate like me it can even go from "moody" to "arrogant" very quickly. Making that bit more effort is likely to open people up, that and being patient and understanding with people probably helps. Other than that (as usual) you have to work on things, and take more opportunities when they arise. I know it's not easy though, for sure.. things are still like that for me, only they get a touch better with time and personal changes to my attitude.

Last edited by savvyidentity on 22 Dec 2013, 11:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

Hi, jerry00. I wonder how old you are? The younger you are, the easier it will become to pick up some of the very simple "scripts" and actions which NTs use to form bonds with each other. You'll never be perfect at it, but you'll be able to be accepted. You know what? It's actually a nice feeling. NTs can be interesting. And no one likes being an outsider.

But even if you're older you can still learn some simple social skills. A good therapist who understands Asperger's and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can really help you. Good luck! You'll always be an Aspie, my friend, but you'll be amazed at how you can shift gears once you learn some tools.

Thank you, I'm 24, I learn a lot by imitation by observing how people act in social situations but this just isn't fast enough, I'm always one step behind the people I'm imitating.

I haven't worked at all that many workplaces where the working staff is that numerous that it can break down in several cliques (unless you count the factory where I used to work, and where lunch breaks and coffee breaks would typically see employees sit at tables coded by country of origin [i.e. there's be a Cantonese table, a Ghanaian table, a Pakistani table, a Surinamese table etc.; I would usually sit at the centre 'international' table with some other co-workers). BUT I have experienced an amount of alienation from my co-workers in general on the different jobs I worked, to greater or lesser extent.

What I do when I feel I'm left outside of the different cliques, or the one clique in general, is that I assume the position of the 'eternal neutral'. This means that I maintain a surface level of friendliness with everyone. I do not get too friendly with anyone, but I also don't engage in hostility with any co-workers. That way, as my co-workers are kept at a distance where they don't really learn much about my personal life, they must judge me on my merits as an employee. Usually this works out well for me, as my co-workers will view me as a valuable worker, and none of them have the advantage over any other co-worker in terms of preferences or bias. So I'm exempt of the intra-company political games.

It could be you're always going to have this disposition toward not mingling with your co-workers, but don't worry about it too much. The primary thing they'll want out of you is that you deliver quality work, and if you can do that, you're already making a good name for yourself in the eyes of the management/boss/employer.

You're focusing on a lot of negatives there which is not useful, there are positives as well like being attentive or honest which some people appreciate. It took me a long while to start fitting in a bit at my old job, I think I was only invited to go out some 7-9 months in to the job. As you get more comfortable with them it helps too, as you'll be more confident with people and seem less odd to them.

The older more intelligent people do appreciate me for my aspie traits but it still seems like they have their own clique that I'm not part of because I'm so much younger or whatever.

Jerry, You're a young man. Ask good friends, "What am I doing wrong?" or "How do I come off weird?" Etc. That will help you grow tremendously. I think any Aspie can learn.

I don't really have any friends.

Jerry00, it takes time. And also memorizing things like the types of pets that people have, or their kids names, and making this a practice of noting down after the conversation is over not during the conversation. On my whiteboard in my apartment, I have my neighbor's name and her two kids names written down so that I have them memorized and can refer to them.