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czarsmom
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22 Dec 2013, 9:03 pm

The winter holidays (i.e. Christmas, etc) drive me nuts. Then things that bother me, is that people get all manic and hyper, my routine gets messed up, and my nice quiet peaceful routine gets disrupted. Worst of all, my crazy family of origin, who are narcissistic as all get out, somehow get the whacked idea to actually have social expectations of me, and to go along with their delusion that we are a normal family, and want me to participate in the pretense of us having a Norman Rockwell Christmas. It's truly absurd and illogical. There is no such thing as this, and even if there were, I would certainly have no desire to be a part of all that. I did manage this year to bow out of the Christmas Eve party, thank God. Although I had to go through some wrangling and harassing emails, I just kept saying no, I wasn't doing it.

I just love my regular routine of having time alone to pursue my creative endeavors, and go to the coffee shop to read books. When the kids are home from school, it is much harder to do this, and I have no alone time. :-( A simple, quiet life is what I want so badly. Not all the craziness of millions of flashing lights, tons of ridiculous garish decorations, all of the overly rich and sweet foods, all the loud, noisy, pointless boring parties, all the expectations that I go along with their pretense that we are a close, loving family. Not to mention, spending way too much on gifts, and being expected to receive gifts that I don't want or need, and feeling that I have to show all this appreciation and gratitude for gifts that i don't want.

I am not a totally cold blooded person, but I just like a much lower key way of life, I love it simple, quiet, and peaceful. Not all of this craziness.

Perhaps I should check into a quiet, out of the way motel for a couple of days by myself to escape it all, and get a break.

What are others feelings about this time of year?



redrobin62
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22 Dec 2013, 10:40 pm

I've lived alone for years so I don't have the luxury of craziness around me. Still, it might be fun to try that out some time. Because I live alone, I'm not burdened with decorations and presents. It's a simple xistence, really. Just a little eggnog for my gullet and some Christmas carols wafting through the air to set the mood is fine with me.



CapriciousAgent
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22 Dec 2013, 11:53 pm

There are some things I like about the holidays, but I prefer for them to be over. Between the excessive social interaction, and the way horrible people act like they're not horrible for a short time before going back to being horrible is annoying and frustrating. Winter holidays seem to be the worst of the bunch.



auntblabby
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23 Dec 2013, 1:33 am

IMHO, the holiday season has pretty sights and sounds and people are temporarily nicer to one another. a little bit of heaven on earth.



sammie96
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23 Dec 2013, 4:42 am

I worked in a mall bookstore years ago over Christmas break from school. I had never been treated so badly by total strangers before! The got ruder and ruder as Christmas approached. On Christmas Eve, near closing time, they started coming in and throwing debit cards or cash on the counter "$25 gift card!" None of them said a kind word to me. Not one.
I never celebrated before, and I've found no reason to since then. We are giving a few presents this year (just among our little household and my mom), and I've promised to get a Charlie Brown Christmas tree for the kids. I've stopped trying to socialize with my extended family. They make me extremely uncomfortable - they don't know about the autism, they just think I'm strange.



czarsmom
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23 Dec 2013, 11:44 am

Interesting, thanks for the replies. @ Sammie my husband works retail pharmacy, and he says the same thing.

I am actually having a much easier time of it this Christmas. Now that my husband's parents have passed, my husband no longer is locked into performing along with their traditions. Luckily I don't feel as though I have to please my extended family. They were very horrible to me growing up, and have never been at all supportive of me. I'm no longer angry or bitter, (that took much time and work to get over) but I just see no reason to conform to their wishes. I am baking a batch of simple cookies with my younger son today, which I look forward to.



Kalika
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23 Dec 2013, 5:45 pm

Sort of......there's a lot of things which I like about the holidays, but I'm not that big on things like "having" to give extended family members hugs when we get together, or getting clothes as a present. (I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but 90% of the time, the person gets the wrong size or a style that I would not wear)



larteaga
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24 Dec 2013, 3:58 pm

I actually wrote a poem about it. I feel exactly like you. Maybe a retreat somewhere quiet?


"It's XMAS with an X"

While the church bells ring,
And the people turn deaf,
Fast asleep
in their speeding cars.

And do they care?
I think not.
Just paper green is in their
Minds.

The songs are played
in the radios.
Blaring or singing,
I don't know?.....
"Do they know its Christmas
Time?"

Never you mind,
Just a machine.
Asking the people to listen ,
They think for free.

While apathy abounds ,
the poor are ignored.
Within them a sadness
that they store.

Alone and together
They huddle with fear
Of the night panther
That stalks their
Dears.

A bubble hovers,
Overhead these souls
And within,
Mystic thoughts
Appear.

Can't the people stop?
Can't they be still,
And see the world for what it is?

There won't be salvation as the Preachers exclaim!
But it's not heaven or hell,
I'm afraid of,
It's what's here
on earth.



auntblabby
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24 Dec 2013, 4:31 pm

xmas is a'comin',
things are now a'hummin'.
new year's not far away,
with the damp and the gray.
let the next year speed by,
sans a cry or a sigh-
until next december,
or at least november-
i like both those months more,
the rest i don't adore.



czarsmom
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25 Dec 2013, 1:59 pm

Thanks for the poetry, larteaga and blabby. I agree, the poor are basically brushed aside, and Xmas is largely about commercialism. In fact, Jesus wasn't even born on December. At any rate, it's very refreshing to be able to be real and honest here.



bryanmaloney
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26 Dec 2013, 12:31 pm

I used to adore them. Then I got to experience them with my current wife's family.

I get to see "normal" siblings (all adult) who despise each other occupying a room and pretending to cheer in ways so artificial that only an idiot could not notice--but everyone pretends everything is lovely. I get to see people spending time breaking off to bad-mouth someone else, then they come back together and pretend to be happy-happy-happy. I get to hear shouting SHOUTING SHOUTING all day long. I get to be reminded, once again, that what I liked from my own family history is meaningless and worthless--only the way my current wife has done things is worthy of being done, unless my children are there, then a tiny concession or two is made, but not too much, because "real people" only do it her way.

I get to put up with people complaining for weeks about putting up decorations, then they get angry at me if I move too slow when they decide they finally "have to" do it.

I get to watch "normal" people be petty, hypocritical, and dishonest, and I am the one in the wrong because I don't play along.
In the aftermath, I get to look forward to being subject to a diatribe over some irrelevant issue or another, so my current wife can blow off steam.

That is the holidays for me. Dare I speak a word, I am automatically in the wrong, of course.



bryanmaloney
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26 Dec 2013, 12:33 pm

Note for the ignorant:

The "X" in "Xmas" is not the English/Latin letter "X". It is the Greek letter "X" (chi). "Xmas" is a centuries-old legitimate abbreviation for "Christmas", since "X" (chi) is a centuries-old legitimate abbreviation for "Christ".



Ashariel
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26 Dec 2013, 12:47 pm

Big family holiday celebrations are a nightmare for me too. I used to try to participate, and "grin and bear it", but about a decade ago I finally admitted to my family that it was too much for me, and that I needed to limit my participation in holiday festivities.

I'm really lucky that my family was understanding about it, and nowadays I'll join them for a little holiday get-together and dinner, but I don't exchange gifts with anyone, or go to big social events.

Surprisingly, my family has been grateful that I influenced them all to rethink their approach to the holidays, and to simplify their own activities more than they used to. I'm not the only one who feels like our culture's approach to the holidays has gotten out of hand, to the point where it's overwhelming, full of stressful social situations, and highly commercialized.

Every family is different, and the decision to scale down holiday activities might not be as easy or feasible for other people, as it was for me. But I'm really grateful that it's made such a difference in my own case, and that this holiday has been generally fun and relaxing for me, instead of a nightmare!



MjrMajorMajor
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26 Dec 2013, 12:56 pm

bryanmaloney wrote:
Note for the ignorant:

The "X" in "Xmas" is not the English/Latin letter "X". It is the Greek letter "X" (chi). "Xmas" is a centuries-old legitimate abbreviation for "Christmas", since "X" (chi) is a centuries-old legitimate abbreviation for "Christ".


:D Thanks for the note.

I am so frazzled I can't think one step ahead right now. I get a small break before the last family get-together, thank goodness... :shaking2:



ablomov
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31 Dec 2013, 4:35 pm

gifts embarrass me. all except an old foreign language dictionary that i had on rolling renewal for ten years (withdrawn and gifted to me) my wife quickly wrapped it on day after Boxing and I was near to tears, a total surprise, ... a good companion. otherwise the other stuff she got me soooo inappropriate irrelevant and embarrassing.

I generally get into threads of learning and study for this bizarre holiday period, zero social life so what else .. plus exercise in the wide open landscape which i adore ...

this year i have helped a woman friend by several times turning up out of the blue with bags of groceries .. it felt wonderful .. so many so called Xtians do f all to help others ...