How do you date women when you have to compete with NTs

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I have considered approaching women in group settings, like birthday parties, workplace parties, but usually they already have male friends and acquaintances there so my social awkwardness stands out like a fox in a henhouse and even having friendly conversations with them doesn´t lead anywhere. I have never bothered with nigthclubs and bars because women who frequent them would be totally incompatible with me.
I cant imagine picking up a woman in a public place like a coffee house, library or museum because I´ve never seen women talk to complete strangers in such places. Have any Aspie men found women that way?
I have tried dating websites for years, but I am a bit discouraged about using them, because there are hundreds of NT men on them, most of whom have more social experience, wider interests and bigger resumes than me.

I know many AS men do eventually find a girlfriend so what am I doing wrong?

these girlfriends are not usually "megaNT" people, rather they're pretty socially awkward, too. that kind of person who has realized that they're better off with a socially awkward mate than with a social butterfly, and who is able to accept their needs.
unfortunately, the number of these people is not very large, but there certainly are such people.

While I was dating, I met most of my boyfriends (who were all NT) through work or my fraternity. That way we shared common interests and I felt like I had a designated "slot" or place in the social group. It made me less awkward and easier to get to know. That said, I met my husband at a music concert and he approached me, not the other way around. We didn't have to talk too much at first because the band was playing, so that took some of the pressure off.

@Bearsandsyrup: The common interests rule is one I have sworn by for years. The downside: my interests don't have much of a female fan base.

[citation needed]

Sorry, just couldn't resist that. I'm sure there are many AS men who never find a girlfriend.

OK, OK, some do. I can't say anything useful from personal experience, but going by the posts on WP, the following factors seem to contribute to their success:

1) Luck (a lot of it)
2) A hell of a lot of effort, time and frustration
3) They meet a girl that happens to like aspie traits (perhaps an aspie herself), so they're not really "competing" with NTs - but this usually involves #1 or #2
4) They're good-looking enough that they don't need good social skills (see #1)

Being good looking without the basic social skills and the emotional intelligence doesnt get you very far. Women get bored or annoyed very easily this way. A lot of guys also get bored this way when we meet women who are like this as well, but I find men are more open to continue sleeping with someone after establishing this fact.

The common interest thing can work provided you two keep doing it over the long haul (ie, Latin dancing).

Luck is all about right time and right place. (ie. meet her at the right time in both of your lives and in the right place)

The effort is all about showing that girlfriend that you care and that you will take care of her needs without being a doormat.

The Aspie traits are more desriable to women who are mature and can accept a person as they are without trying to change them.

Ha! Mine don't either, though luckily I'm a female interested in males, so I had a plethora of choice. I was in ROTC (so military = similar interests) and majoring in astrophysics and then astronomy (so hard science = similar interests) and working at the planteraium (again, space = similar interests). Lots of men in those fields, so I had a variety to choose from

This one definitely happens. I know this to be true because I'm one of those girls. Where do men find me? Online, mostly. I'm less likely to be found in public places. The more "NT" of a place you look, the more "NT" of a woman you will find there. So my suggestion is not not give up on online dating. Or for real life places, maybe look in the places where YOU like to hang out. If she's there too, you are more likely to hit it off with her, than if you find her somewhere that you went to just to meet girls.

I've met women at apartment parties, coffee shops, bookstores, libraries, class, cafeteria, online, rehab and through mutual friends. Oh and also work. This is a list of where I've met women I have dated but this does not mean there was ever a second date or a relationship that sprung from it. Most of the time it was a few dates and then nothing, or just friends with benefits sort of thing.

The longest relationship I ever had was with a woman I met online, second most longest one was with a woman I met at rehab haha, the third was my university cafeteria/dining hall.

Try hooking up with an introverted woman.

I cant but wonder that some men with AS are simply less affected by it than others, I know that Dan Aykroyd has said he has Aspergers. How many aspies on this site can imagine themselves as successful Hollywood actors. Not me!

Perhaps having NT siblings who could have helped you with your social life and expand your social circle might make a difference for some. Unfortunately, I am only child so I cant really know.

I´m thinking my best chance is to somehow get people to recommend me to women and explain my disability to them. On the other hand, that might come off as too forward and desperate.

You're 32, do you have a job, place and car?

If not, then work on these stuff first then worry about competing.

I'm an AS lady, but I feel I can give some advice here. First off, you don't have to compete every time you are in public and see a girl. It's not open season on us every time we go outside, contrary to what some guys think. Most of the time, we aren't in the process of getting picked up or asked out or flirted with, even if we are speaking to a guy.

At the places you go where you see the girls with the guys there, do you know any of the guys? They could be couples, they could be flirting, they could just be friends and single or friends and have a partner who isn't there, etc. If you know any of the guys you could go up and say hey and talk to the guy you know for a second and see if he asks you to join them. He may, he may not. Depends on the situation and how well you know each other and get along.

As for women in bars, how do you know you wouldn't get along with them? I used to go to bars. A lot. But though, in a bar you have a 50/50 shot as to whether or not anybody there is there to meet somebody (depending on the bar, some just attract the getting drunk crowd, others the older settled and married crows, others the single crowd) and if she is and you talk to her before somebody else does, you have to factor in whether you are her type or she is your type and either of you wants to waste 20 mins of ya'lls time drinking a beer together or not. It can't hurt to try. If you think that bar hopping girls are too outgoing for you, remember this - we have shy and quiet single friends that we love to talk into coming along because we think they will meet somebody or we think a few drinks will loosen them up and they can have fun. For all you know, that shy girl who is only there with her friends might be perfect for you.

About other places, you aren't competing there either. When I was single, and even now since I don't like to wear rings and people who don't know me don't know I'm married by looking at my hand, it wasn't that often that I got hit on by a guy in a regular place like a bookstore or a laundry mat or a coffee shop or a parts store or anything like that, unless I was giving off "Hey, I'm single look at me!" signals, which I used to do then. Now though I'll get flirted with and hints dropped and even asked out, but it's rare. It's a few times a year now. I just tell them I'm married and I also thank them very, very much and let them know they made my day. But, most girls who are in regular places are there for the reason the place exists. If it's a coffee shop - she's a caffeine junkie, if it's a bookstore - she reads, the grocery store - she's gotta eat, church on Sunday - she believes in God or her parents guilted her in to going. It's always a nice surprise to meet somebody interesting when you aren't looking, and unless it's a bar or some singles function, she's probably not there looking and if she is, you can tell. Just say hello.

It's easy to say hello and to just strike up a conversation. I'll tell you how, too. First off, forget that you want to ask her out. Forget as in don't think about it. Pretend you are on stage or a movie set and you are playing a role that you have to improvise. Your character is new in town, or new to that particular place, doesn't know anyone and doesn't even like her gender. Now don't tell her any of this, but if you get into that character in your head, then you can easily see her as just someone who looks friendly who you would like to say hello to and who might know where a good dry cleaners/dentist/library/movie place that shows artsy films/make something up is. Oh, and the character you are playing is outgoing and doesn't mind talking to people even though you do. It sounds simple to do, and it is once you got the hang of making up a character for inside your head when you talk to people. You won't always need to use him, just at first until you get used to it. The key thing is NEVER EVER confuse your character with you and don't ever tell her things like you are new in town, you want to find a dentist, you are gay and just looking to make small talk, you aren't attracted to her, etc. All that is simply the stuff you know about the guy you are pretending to be when you say hello. And you don't pretend to be this guy for long. Just until the conversation gets rolling, and you talk to her as you, not as him. The pretend stuff is for you and you only and to make it easy for you. Pick a few things to talk about beforehand. Try it. You will strike out more than you get a phone number, but it's all good practice. Don't give up if after the first few outings of talking to several people each you don't get a number. That's normal even for NT guys with good social skills.

I met my husband where I worked. I worked at a gas station/convenience store and he came in after work. I told my friend who was working with me that I thought he was awesome and she told him and embarrassed me to death. But he came back. We talked. We hung out. We moved to DC. We got married. Plus, this will sound like a stupid cliché that somebody who already has what you want can easily say, but you won't find it when you are looking so hard for it. I found it after I gave up on a relationship and just decided to play the field and enjoy life and let what happens happen.

Good luck.

Intelligent, creative, shy, it doesn't matter, most of these women still like to go into nightclubs. Women from all walks of life enjoy getting drunk (even absolutely wasted) and dancing. Visiting drinking houses is a social norm you may want to try, as not all of them are nightclubs anyway, there are much quieter places like pubs or social clubs (they're not as social as you'd think actually) that you can go to, but I think the real trick of this is all is to have friends in the first place to go to these places with and expand your social circle. It's just that it's hard and takes so much time. Continue to meet "your kind" of people, and hang out in your kind of place, but don't exclude drinking houses just because some are divey or just attract the usual type of women who you're not interested in.

You're right, they aren't going to museums or the library to socialize mostly - they are going to pubs and night clubs. You could also find them exploring their hobbies as part of an interest group but you should be part of that group not some stranger making small talk - unless you're a silver tongued master of seduction it's gonna take some time to get there. The tough part is finding something that puts you in the company of women and things that build up your confidence talking to them.

I never used to like going to nightclubs or pubs either but I found it's all about either the company you bring, or the character of the pub and the people who go there, as it does vary. There is an alternate rock pub here where you can find people from different cliques, like there are goths, grungers, metalheads, emos and sometimes geeky types there. There is also a nightclub with 80's style music which mostly has down to earth single women in their late twenties and early thirties, who seem quite a bit more open than other women, and are easy to just start dancing with even for me.

If you consider the variance and the fact most women do go to nightclubs regardless of character, then why not increase your chances by going to them? That and join any interest groups that you might enjoy.

the way I see it, it's not really a competition....because the ones who are right for you will not necessarily be right for others.

Best dating advice I can give is this: be you. If the other person doesn't like it, they're not meant for you. It's that simple.