What are relationships all about?

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I'm particularly sensitive to pheromones. They actually don't have a "smell" per se. They way I detect pheromones is by noticing minute unexpected changes in my own emotional state. So if a girl is attracted to me I might feel slightly horny unexpectedly. If she is not attracted to me I might feel a little more anxious when I get too close to her and she gives of an anxiety response/pheromone. Most NT's don't even notice these changes happening but to me they are fairly obvious. (these are oversimplifications just to be clear, it's almost never a single state-change in isolation). Interestingly some homosexuals give off the wrong gender's pheromones, but not all. This might explain why some have trouble bonding with people of the same sex.

^^^^ aaaa I am not alone!! !

Would it be ok to PM you to discuss this? It would be so cool to know what this feels like from male point of view. No worries if you'd rather not though, I can be a bit 'special interest' about this topic.

Is it possible some of your friends are using pheromone sprays?

I know that I do. I had a bunch of different pheromones I experimented with in college. Courtesy of this website www.androticsdirect.com and the accompanying forum pherotalk.com.

It seems to have more an effect on people I don't know, though. Not all the pheromones are for sexual or attraction purposes. Most of the ones I used were for overall social.. Like, there was one I would spray on before lectures and I would always have people come up and talk to me afterwards, and the crazy thing is they would talk to me about absolutely nothing important, they just HAD to talk to me, like they had an itch they needed to scratch. And it was not gender specific.

There's also some pheromones that worked more on myself than the people around me. Some that made me drop my social hang ups and I was just bold and could say whatever popped up in my head.

I haven't had much conscious experience with natural pheromones though.. Particularly ones people give off. I spend so much time concentrating on their facial expression and body language, I guess I don't notice the subconscious signals I'm receiving via scent.

feel free to chat with me but I'm not sure how well I understand it.

I have not tried pheromone sprays but where do I get them? I actually am not sure where to buy body scents in general for dating purposes because when i was younger and those were a thing they used to make me gag.

Apart from sex obviouslly?

Men seek women to boost their street cred and standing amongst the lads.

Women seek men in order to enhance their social status amongst their peers too.

The end.

but as an (most likely) an autist(ic) spectrum person, (or maybe it's unrelated to that, either way), I couldn't care less about my social status, let alone how who I am dating may be affecting it. Actually this is a bit weird because I have found myself considering people and thinking they were too common but not because of what would other people think but because I imagined myself having to hear them mis-pronounce words and just having certain attitudes that would drive me nuts. But as far as social standing goes, I don't even know if I have one. I probably don't. I wouldn't want one I don't think because it involves dealing with people and I find that very burdensome.

well that's very.. cynical.

Have you ever considered that people seek one another out for a little something called Love?

there was this song in the 80s, a big hit, about "what's love got to do with it?" which seems to be what today's world is like, a mercenary one with only superficial trappings of romance and then only temporarily.

I apparently have a high sensitivity to pheromones also. I am hypersensitive to smells (that's my worst hypersensitivity, in fact), and my late fiance always smelled fabulous to me, even when he had been doing hard manual labor all day. Normally the smell of sweat/body odor is noticeably unpleasant to me, but I actually liked to sleep with my nose next to his armpit. Also, he could work on motors and smell like gasoline and it didn't bother me - and gasoline is one of those things that normally makes me a little physically ill to smell. His mom and his kids always complained about his feet smelling bad, too, and I never noticed it.

I've been around some really, really, REALLY good-looking men (when I was single, available, and looking) and not been attracted to them at all. Others who were not good-looking at all could get me a little tingly.

^^^
and I long thought I was missing the world due to my lack of body language- now all this talk about communicating olfactorily is making me feel like I am even more defective! I might as well be the robot in "demon with the glass hand."

This actually makes a lot of sense to me. I sort of figured they'd have to be superficial traits but I couldn't have enumerated them as well as you have. I'll have to keep these in mind while I work on building a friendly "aura", as you've put it. Thanks, goldfish!

Happy to have contributed something of value. Hope it helps you out.

In a macho dog-eat-dog world where image and status are the be all and end all, there is no room for sentiment. Ultimately human beings are essentially no different from chimpanzees.

There is no THE compromise. Relationship simply means to have found someone, that you enjoy spending time with. So you dont spend time with each other to acchieve this or that, but because it is fun to you, out of similar interests or hobbies. I dont play the exact same genres of computer games, like my partner, just as we dont have the exact same interests about series or roleplaying or whatever, but its similar enough to understand each other, or the jokes that my partner laughs about, or why something might embarass or excite him, or to know which kind of stuff or jokes might my partner laugh as well about, so I share them with him. So I dont engage in his hobbies or interests or spend time with him to engage this or that, but because its actually something that I enjoy.

And in general its simply about a roommate, that does not annoy you after a certain time, so you simply fit together. Unlike other friends you dont get that feeling "Ok, it was really fun, but actually I wished you slowly would go home and come back tomorrow." or whatever. So you dont feel the need to act for that person or feel forced to act for that person in this or that way, only to acchieve this person acting for you this and that way. So its not about "business" (= I pay you that, and you pay me that.) but like engaging in a hobby: Doing stuff, because doing the stuff actually makes you happy.

The compromises that needs to be done, are about, that you simply wont find a clone of yourself. People ARE different. You can have really good relations to your siblings as example, but even then you will have needed to find a compromise from now and then, because of you and your sibling having different needs. And while as siblings you simply know about your different needs from beginning, because of them developing, while you live with each other, when it comes to relations that different needs can sometimes be very unusual to you, because of you not knowing that person all your life before. You might find someone very similar to you, but there still will be different needs and habbits and interests from now and then. And thats what the comrpomises are about, finding solutions that fit to your both needs. So noone can tell you what THE compromise is about, because the compromises that your relationships will need, are simply depending upon you and your partners need and personalities.

For me, my partner is my absolutely very, very, very best friend of all time, who manages to improve my life simply by existing and coming home. That is additionally sexually attracting me. ^^

Three words: selflessness from both.